I'm taking only Valp for mood balance and you know what? I just hit the bull on the eye...or should I say...the bull just placed it's eye where I was hitting...LOL

I have just read about Pranayama and it brings balance...yes...balance...and that is what is I still don't have. So that takes me to 99.8125% or 81.25% alright...I'm not sure which one exactly.

I have already started doing Pranayama today. Pranayama, for your info, works by balancing the ida and pingala (I don't know the specifics but it is left and right brain...also maybe cerebrum and cerebellum) and when they are balanced, the sushumna (maybe this is the medulla oblongata...maybe) gets activated. It's effects are very subtle and the practise itself takes less than 5 minutes. But just because it is easy, one should not do it excessively because these are very sensitive and the effects are supposed to come a little delayed...I'm visiting my doc to learn it properly though there are many websites that explain it.

I was very disturbed by not working well today as expected. But I pulled myself up and from now on I'm palnning to just follow a work methodology called Kolb's experiential learning...ofcourse by saying Krishna unakke preethi before starting so that I don't get bound by karmic results anymore. I have a pseudonym for it - ROTE i.e. Run - Observe - Theorize - Edit. The methodology is suchthat one can start at whatever level one is progressively evolve into working better with each iteration in the cycle. So I'm going to work mechanically i.e. by ROTE :-)

I was posting something about 2 miracles in my last post. This seems like the 1st miracle.

My doc has asked me to take only Valp 500mg morning and night. This was the target he planned to achieve with me. He told me that he will be reducing the medicines gradually till I can be sustained with only Valp. So technically, I'm alright by the standards of the psychiatrist. By my standards, I'm 99.75% alright. For the first time since the depression started, my skin doesn't burn any more. However, I get a slight headache which I think comes from chemical imbalances in the brain. Valp is a drug against mood-swings i.e. between depression and feelings of high. What can I say? It's not over until it's over. But I can take some moments to relish having reached this far. But it wouldn't have been possible without the help I have got from those around me. Thank you. I believe the remaining 0.25% will come from 2 miracles.

To my Sweet Heart, whoever you are

Life seems to be getting back to what it was 17 years ago. The walk under the trees, the eating of corn-puffs, the listening to the soft music, the chillness of the air from the down-pouring of the rain, a network of family and friends, working in installments to get the pocket-money...only a girl and an X factor is missing. I can wait...

Never thought I will get into bed with some spies. They seem to have a liking for me worser than that of the ancient Greek homo lovers. :)

The Elliots Beach is so commercialized that it has lost it's charm. I don't mind the crowd and also the beggars but people just want to make money out of it. The Karl Schmidt Memorial is just left without any care.

I can make a guess as to who I met today...maybe someone whose name rhymes with Einstein. My respect for Einstein is so much that I remember his name so often. he he he.

I'm almost there. Just one more step and then my mind will no more think of life. As my counselor said, the mind is good for things like calculating on a work or in making travel costs but not in analyzing or living life. That is why the Pathanjali Yoga talks about quietening the mind as the ultimate end. Only in the canvas of a quiet mind can the painting of the heart be drawn. Ha..there...what a nice quote I have made. LOL

I do not know if I want to continue writing the novel. I want to focus on my job.

Just now, on a cough, I got a bit of pain in my chest and left arm. Maybe my heart is in a bad condition. I used to eat a lot of oily food. Maybe there is a lot of cholesterol. What the hell...I have t die some way and maybe my buddy heart is a good way to die through.

Another day gone...good night.