What I really want and need

As soon as the New Year 2011 begins, I wish to go back to my life I led some 16-17 years ago. What I was then is the real me and not all these things that I wear for the time being for whatever reasons. I don't want to wear some mask or avatar. I wish my friends to relieve whatever conceptions they have of me and give me a peaceful retirement back to my old self. Ofcourse as my old neighbour told me a couple of days back, it is not advisable to eat a stale idli that was meant for breakfast, at supper. I don't want and can't have the same life I had back then, the reason being that if it was really the one for me, I would not have lost it. I'm open to a new dish or life and maybe even a fresh idli or girl friend. This is the only request I make to my friends and I have absolute belief that this will stop all the madness that is there around me now.

Girls............I'm not an alpha dog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I believe that 2 things cannot be hidden or stopped always. One is truth and the other requires some resting in a room.

Okay...I might have flirted (I say 'might'). I also know some may have used the oldest trick of passion in laying the trap (Again I say 'may'). I'm really sorry if I have unintentionally built up any hype over me. But let's get some things straight.

I'm not as attractive as you think I'm. I'm not sure if any girl really knows the real me. Half the girls in the street don't even give me a second glance. Of the remaining half all except one, I don't give a second glance because they are not the one destined for me.

And this girl will also not be some alpha doggie. She will not be the most beautiful or desired woman in the world. I got this clear in my head the day I talked to my counselor. I find many women attractive and when I get one such attractive woman who also finds me attractive and we get into a relationship, what will I do when I find the next attractive one? I need some basic chemistry so that I can have some passion with her. But after that, it's just something willed by the universe.

In the old forum, a guy (don't want to name him but I like him very much) wanted to know my choice of  Miss Russia. I had a difficult time to choose because I had no basis to choose it on. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Please...I don't say this from humility. If you are a girl liking me, thanks but there is a better one who is destined just for you. If you are the one for me, love will find it's way.

Svabhava

Svabhava

Closely related to Svadharma is the idea of Svabhava.

Sva-bhava means 'Self-nature'. The recommendation given by many philosophers, spiritualists, counselors etc. to be happy is to get an answer to 'Who am I?".

There can be 3 identities that anyone takes in life.

1. Atman (Self)
2. Svabhava (Self-nature)
3. Ahamkaaram (Ego)

The Self has no qualities that our senses can perceive and is established in unity. The Self-nature has qualities that our senses can perceive and is based on unity in diversity. The Ego has qualities that our senses can perceive and is based on diversity. Objectively, each of the 3 serves some purpose. Even Ego, which in common understanding is regarded negatively serves the purpose of bringing individuality or ID without which one cannot even believe that one is existing in this world. After birth in this world, during the forward journey, the identity changes from the Self to the Self-nature to the Ego and then on the return journey from the Ego to the Self-nature to the Self.

Daddy Long Legs

The other day, as I lay on my bed and heard the slow periodic humming sound, I wondered if it was some sort of voice transmitter or maybe even a time bomb. I then rechecked my ear using a spray of hot chilli powder, mint powder, salt and cumeen seeds. The diagnosis was right. I was not having a schizophrenic episode. Anyway, I knew that whoever put it there had valid reasons and good intentions including but not limited to listening to my gracious songs. Man...some guy who is lost in the world cannot hear these sounds and even if he or she hears, he will not make an issue out of it. But when you put it near someone who is almost blind, he or she can hear it as clear as the horn of a bus. Maybe you still need to go through some apprenticeship but thanks anyway. I didn't like the sound of it and I wondered whether to wish it to go away or live with it. Earlier itself I had decided that I will not interfere with the forces around me, the benign and the evil ones. A programmer like me is supposed to program and not fight like a warrior. Also, when you interfere with someone, who is only really capable of protecting you against another who is wishing to cause harm, thinking that you alone can protect yourself, an imbalance is created wherein the protector cannot protect you easily. Also, it hurts the sentiments of the one trying to protect you as it conveys that you do not have trust in his or her capacity and goodwill. This was what I was thinking then but I was also propelled by the inertia of trying to protect myself by myself. There was also the risk of the evil hiding behind the closet on the other side that the good didn't realize. Anyway, the hint was well-taken and the humming sound stopped. I'm sorry if I interfered with your plans, my dear Daddy Long Legs.

Going to start again slowly my work.

Cannot help commenting on poli-tickles again. India should get it's priorities right regards to Afghanistan and Pakistan. India shares more of her history with Pakistan than Afghanistan. I believe that the 100% Arabic Muslims who were invading the Indian sub-continent stopped at the Hindu-Kush and those who crossed over, the ones who can be called today as Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, Indian Muslims etc. got integrated with the locals. Simply put, Afghanistan belongs to the sphere of the Arabs and Pakistan to the Indian sub-continent (okay...I know some Pakistanis will squirm to belong to any group with the word India on it but that's the price you pay for going to bed with our men and women as invaders. You can't erase your DNA.)

I don't mean to say that India dump Afghanistan and kiss Pakistan. It's just that India has to work together with Pakistan more than with trying to bring any stability in Afghanistan.

The cause for universal brotherhood or sisterhood or whatever

This world or life is designed in a funny manner...

People at the penultimate stage to the universal love are devoted preferentially,like say to a particular person or country or ideology or religion or a profession or art etc. The nobility of this stage is in the sacrifice that a person is willing to go through for the object of affection. But the tragedy of this stage is that the object of affection is the drainage of the person's life.

 I will give 2 simple examples.

Take the 1st example of a normal guy who has a star as his friend, kind of like having a matinee idol or the top-sportsman as a friend. The normal guy feels good and happy around him and let's also assume that both of them are basically of good nature. When they both go out to a coffee cafe, people's attention is going to be on the star and not on the guy. This is how a guy gets drained by a star friend. If he had had another guy who was just as ordinary as he was, he would have had a better time at the coffee cafe.

Take for the 2nd example a guy who falls in love with a girl. And he proclaims that he will do anything for her, including sacrificing his life for her if the need comes. The guy initially says this without much thought because he thinks this is a noble thing to say to get her affection. But inevitably the girl, being by nature more fragile than a boy, at some point expects this not merely in words but as a real demonstration. This is how a guy gets drained by a girl. If the guy had simply gone to play with his boy friends, he would not have had to foot the bill at the coffee cafe to appear like a gentleman before a lady.

When one is in the penultimate stage of life, one finds that the person or thing or whatever that one liked was the cause of pain, a pain that had an element of pleasure, that one underwent voluntarily. But what about the person or thing or whatever that one disliked at this stage? It is still a potential source of pleasure that is untapped and the way to harness this pleasure is by being non-judgmental in regarding one as a friend and another as a foe. Then one touches the base or root or bottom of everything and one reaches the final stage. One can then look upon everyone as a friend. At this stage, there is no drainage of one's life because what one object of affection cannot give is given by another continually. There is the feeling of being supported by the buoyancy of the ocean.

I never really thought it was her when I saw her though the face registered in the back of my mind. Maybe I knew and I didn't want to make any false assumptions...as Travolta says in the Broken Arrow, Assumption is the mother of all f.ck ups. But as I sat down to have the snack, I noticed a Muslim going to the loo. The chat was really tasty and as I sat down, as if like rain-clouds, some 3 got around me. My only thought was enjoy the snack and get the hell out of the place. Her chudidhar really went well with her figure and I always liked girls in pony tail. For a moment I wondered if I should go near her and talk but then I thoght...what the hell...I'm too old to go through these games and I also believe that any encounter between a girl and a boy must have an element of magic in it and not be something that one tries to artificially create. So I thought...if I really will be marrying some girl, she will fall into my lap from the sky. A problem for me is that I don't even know if I will be attractive enough to any girl because I cannot go through those teenage romantics.

Anyway I'm happy at the present moment for whatever it is worth to myself and others.

Okay...maybe you want some tip from me on better living...I will screw up my brain to bring you one...I don't want to tell you something that's already there because you will anyway get to it someday without me. So I will share something from what I got experientially...let's see...okay i have got it and it is...'suppose you are an almost wise person and you come across a wonderful tip (like this), then don't be hasty and give it out to another as soon as you receive it to show that you are wise. But instead, hold it within you, even for a moment and digest or reflect or understand what it says. Then, you may tell it outside. If you don't do this, the tip you got will have passed through you without becoming a part of you.'

Okay...going to sleep.

And to you...no, not you...you...hey not you also...yes, you...don't get paranoid over me. I want to be only friends with you and if you think otherwise, I have got to kick your a.se before you accept my friendship. Experience speaks.