http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/01/04/AR2011010400955.html
With the death of Salman Taseer, the Governor of Punjab, it looks like Pakistan's Islamic home-grown terrorism has signed a death warrant for itself. And with it, the Kashmiri separatist movement as well.
It's like the way the Hindu-Muslim riots ended after the assassination of Mahatma Gandhi by a Hindu extremist or the way the Khalistan movement ended after the assassination of Indra Gandhi by a Sikh bodyguard. In these cases, it is not some one from the other side who kills but someone inside the clan itself. When such a thing happens, people start reflecting on everything. The fence is supposed to protect the crops but if it starts feeding on crops itself, the farmer sets right the fence. Pakistan has long been exporting terrorism to India in Kashmir and today by Karma, it has resulted in the death of a citizen of it's own making him a martyr. While Benazir Bhutto's assassination was more high-profile that led to a focus on stopping Taliban terrorism, Salman's assassination is low key but nevertheless important. It's easy to escape self-reflection by laying the blame on some unidentified person as in the killing of Benazir Bhutto with the justification that she was pro-western. But when it comes to a moderate Muslim being killed by a known person who is supposed to guard him in the name of Islam, Pakistani people are not going to feel secure and neither will they let things continue as they are. So contrary to the new paper article's headline, I think this is the turning point that will set the decline of the Pakistani extremists hold in Pakistan.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
The healing that happens in the Ashram way of life
Life in an Ashram is pretty simple, bland and boring. There are Ashrams at many places like the Osho Commune in Pune, the Aurobindho Ashram in Pondicherry, the Ramana Maharishi Ashram, the Vipasaana Meditation Buddhist Retreats, A Network for Grateful Living etc. Ofcourse, one doesn't need to enroll themselves in these Ashrams to get healed. Only, these Ashrams aid the process by giving a suitable environment.
When one takes up such a life, a few pointers can be useful if understood at first itself. It's because when people jump into this way of life, they expect a radical change immediately and that too without wishing to drop off their old harmful old life patterns. Such unrealistic expectations make them jump out as fast as they jumped in. The reason Enlightenment happens in a moment but Liberation takes time is that there are latent tendencies. A habitual smoker suffering from some problem from smoking, after going through many self-help articles suddenly finds a way out and all things fall-in place. At that moment, he thinks he has got over his addiction because it's all sorted out nicely and his taste for the cigarette is eclipsed briefly. The real test comes when he keeps getting the opportunities to smoke again, like when he is anxious or when he wants to pass the time or his buddies are offering him some. And there can be many such issues like smoking that a person has. Someone need not lose heart to see a mountain of those issues because one can go on at the pace he or she is comfortable with. A child who keeps postponing studies because of playfulness feels guilty of the parent scolding. But if the child says that he or she has started studying according to his or her capacity, the parent will even ask the child to not keep studying all the time but also play. Buddha was enlightened and not liberated at 32. He was definitely liberated at 80 when He died, though perhaps He might have lived as a Jeevan-Muktha (freed while still living) long before then.
There are 3 basic things that need to be understood clearly and knowing these help even those not taking the Ashram way of life. These are in the way they go about discharging their duties, taking rest and enjoying pleasures.
As long as one lives, one has to discharge one's responsibilities or duties. Even one who goes to an Ashram is asked to do some simple things, like in the old days, sweeping the floors or preparing the food or buying the merchandise for the community. One cannot ever escape from doing karma but the beauty of nature is that there is only starting trouble and when one gets into the rhythm, one no longer feels like one is doing an karma because there is a shift from momentum at rest to momentum in motion. All efforts in action leads to the state of effortless action. But wait till you read further next...
It's equally important to take rest to regain energy and allow nature to heal oneself. The way to do this is by putting brakes on the momentum in action whenever it starts exceeding. Here, one does karma to stop further karma i.e. one acts to take rest. For example, when one starts working 18 hours a day and gets burnt out, then one has to force oneself on a vacation. This is not mere running away from duties but a mindful decision to optimize one's capabilities i.e work-life balance. But read further because it still isn't complete...
While the above 2 makes one to discharge the responsibilities to the society to a large extent, it leaves the person dry and empty. Also, without joy from enjoying pleasures, there is no real motive to discharge the responsibilities joyously and so it gets affected as well. But pleasures are like butterflies. If you chase them as desires, they run away but if you allow them to settle on you, they linger. For example, in an Ashram, the food served is clean, made with simple ingredients and not really hot and spicy like the ones served in restaurants. But when one understands that it helps heal the physical body, comes without having to pay too much money and tasty in it's own sublime way, one starts enjoying it.
Combined with all the 3 above is one more thing, which is patience. Changes sometimes don't seem to be happening, the present is not exactly all the wonderful things it was promised to be and one feels like going back to the old life knowing full well that the old life was like hell. At these times, 2 things come to the rescue. One is life itself because it creates obstacles in going back and gives incentives for going forward. The other is one's own will-power or self-confidence or self-belief or trust in oneself or whatever one calls it. If one faces even a small, single, habitual pessimistic thought in a realistic way, it will disappear forever, a victory that can be celebrated and which propels one forward. It's alright to slip every now and then and it is to be expected. There is no point in feeling miserable about it and considering oneself a failure. On the spiritual path, there is never ever the risk of falling back below to the milestones already crossed, though wallowing in self-pity at any one point means opting to stay there for all eternity. Even if one doesn't mind it, nature forces one to move forward because nature wants perfect beings. It's smarter to do something from inspiration than from perspiration. Atleast there is the saving of face...lol. So one has to get back to where one left, when one is comfortable enough and continue further. If one loses a month's salary gambling, the casino is not going to be kind enough to reimburse it. However, if one spills the milk, one need not cry over the spilt milk but instead let the pet cat drink it and who knows it may warn you of a robber in your house in future. Never under-estimate the power of the smallest of actions done towards a better life...it is what the Butterfly Effect is all about. This is an esoteric truth and many ancient civilizations have knowledge of it like those who practice Voodoo in Africa. Over here in Tamil Nadu, it is called, 'Sei Vinai'. BTW, if you are an African or a Tamilian reading this, don't take this wrong, because there is a counterpart of this everywhere. The thing about this esoteric truth is that it works whether it is done for good or bad or for fun. But the universe respects all of it's laws, not just one. It also respects karma i..e cause and effect. When people practice wrongly, it no doubt hurts the intended party but it equally hurts the one doing it. When one does it for fun as an experiment, the fun lasts as long as the experiment is continued and so there is no permanent benefit. If one however, uses it as a tool of benevolence, he or she becomes an angel who in turn gets blessed. I have sometimes suspected that my ex-girl friend's family might have done a 'Sei Vinai' to me (the Malayalis are quite good in these esoteric truths), but then I cannot really blame them even if they had done it. It's because they wouldn't have done it if I hadn't give them a reason for doing so. Eventually, everyone's life is decided by one's own actions and since we are all social creatures, it's better to send good things around so that we get back the same. One more thing...the moment we return back after a distraction is in itself an initial point of the Butterfly Effect that decides how we will end up at that stage of development. So while an Enlightenment may be a mega start, these are all minor starts which also matter in our Liberation.
As one proceeds like this, better times are more frequent and lasts longer whenever they come. Eventually, there is eternal happiness.
When one takes up such a life, a few pointers can be useful if understood at first itself. It's because when people jump into this way of life, they expect a radical change immediately and that too without wishing to drop off their old harmful old life patterns. Such unrealistic expectations make them jump out as fast as they jumped in. The reason Enlightenment happens in a moment but Liberation takes time is that there are latent tendencies. A habitual smoker suffering from some problem from smoking, after going through many self-help articles suddenly finds a way out and all things fall-in place. At that moment, he thinks he has got over his addiction because it's all sorted out nicely and his taste for the cigarette is eclipsed briefly. The real test comes when he keeps getting the opportunities to smoke again, like when he is anxious or when he wants to pass the time or his buddies are offering him some. And there can be many such issues like smoking that a person has. Someone need not lose heart to see a mountain of those issues because one can go on at the pace he or she is comfortable with. A child who keeps postponing studies because of playfulness feels guilty of the parent scolding. But if the child says that he or she has started studying according to his or her capacity, the parent will even ask the child to not keep studying all the time but also play. Buddha was enlightened and not liberated at 32. He was definitely liberated at 80 when He died, though perhaps He might have lived as a Jeevan-Muktha (freed while still living) long before then.
There are 3 basic things that need to be understood clearly and knowing these help even those not taking the Ashram way of life. These are in the way they go about discharging their duties, taking rest and enjoying pleasures.
As long as one lives, one has to discharge one's responsibilities or duties. Even one who goes to an Ashram is asked to do some simple things, like in the old days, sweeping the floors or preparing the food or buying the merchandise for the community. One cannot ever escape from doing karma but the beauty of nature is that there is only starting trouble and when one gets into the rhythm, one no longer feels like one is doing an karma because there is a shift from momentum at rest to momentum in motion. All efforts in action leads to the state of effortless action. But wait till you read further next...
It's equally important to take rest to regain energy and allow nature to heal oneself. The way to do this is by putting brakes on the momentum in action whenever it starts exceeding. Here, one does karma to stop further karma i.e. one acts to take rest. For example, when one starts working 18 hours a day and gets burnt out, then one has to force oneself on a vacation. This is not mere running away from duties but a mindful decision to optimize one's capabilities i.e work-life balance. But read further because it still isn't complete...
While the above 2 makes one to discharge the responsibilities to the society to a large extent, it leaves the person dry and empty. Also, without joy from enjoying pleasures, there is no real motive to discharge the responsibilities joyously and so it gets affected as well. But pleasures are like butterflies. If you chase them as desires, they run away but if you allow them to settle on you, they linger. For example, in an Ashram, the food served is clean, made with simple ingredients and not really hot and spicy like the ones served in restaurants. But when one understands that it helps heal the physical body, comes without having to pay too much money and tasty in it's own sublime way, one starts enjoying it.
Combined with all the 3 above is one more thing, which is patience. Changes sometimes don't seem to be happening, the present is not exactly all the wonderful things it was promised to be and one feels like going back to the old life knowing full well that the old life was like hell. At these times, 2 things come to the rescue. One is life itself because it creates obstacles in going back and gives incentives for going forward. The other is one's own will-power or self-confidence or self-belief or trust in oneself or whatever one calls it. If one faces even a small, single, habitual pessimistic thought in a realistic way, it will disappear forever, a victory that can be celebrated and which propels one forward. It's alright to slip every now and then and it is to be expected. There is no point in feeling miserable about it and considering oneself a failure. On the spiritual path, there is never ever the risk of falling back below to the milestones already crossed, though wallowing in self-pity at any one point means opting to stay there for all eternity. Even if one doesn't mind it, nature forces one to move forward because nature wants perfect beings. It's smarter to do something from inspiration than from perspiration. Atleast there is the saving of face...lol. So one has to get back to where one left, when one is comfortable enough and continue further. If one loses a month's salary gambling, the casino is not going to be kind enough to reimburse it. However, if one spills the milk, one need not cry over the spilt milk but instead let the pet cat drink it and who knows it may warn you of a robber in your house in future. Never under-estimate the power of the smallest of actions done towards a better life...it is what the Butterfly Effect is all about. This is an esoteric truth and many ancient civilizations have knowledge of it like those who practice Voodoo in Africa. Over here in Tamil Nadu, it is called, 'Sei Vinai'. BTW, if you are an African or a Tamilian reading this, don't take this wrong, because there is a counterpart of this everywhere. The thing about this esoteric truth is that it works whether it is done for good or bad or for fun. But the universe respects all of it's laws, not just one. It also respects karma i..e cause and effect. When people practice wrongly, it no doubt hurts the intended party but it equally hurts the one doing it. When one does it for fun as an experiment, the fun lasts as long as the experiment is continued and so there is no permanent benefit. If one however, uses it as a tool of benevolence, he or she becomes an angel who in turn gets blessed. I have sometimes suspected that my ex-girl friend's family might have done a 'Sei Vinai' to me (the Malayalis are quite good in these esoteric truths), but then I cannot really blame them even if they had done it. It's because they wouldn't have done it if I hadn't give them a reason for doing so. Eventually, everyone's life is decided by one's own actions and since we are all social creatures, it's better to send good things around so that we get back the same. One more thing...the moment we return back after a distraction is in itself an initial point of the Butterfly Effect that decides how we will end up at that stage of development. So while an Enlightenment may be a mega start, these are all minor starts which also matter in our Liberation.
As one proceeds like this, better times are more frequent and lasts longer whenever they come. Eventually, there is eternal happiness.
Identity crises
I understand that things will get better for me and those around me when I get back to my real self. But it's so easily said but really 'Who am I?'
Sure, 1993 was the high point of my life but I cannot go there again the same way. Neither can I live as if I was born today even though all my past sins have been forgiven.
Honestly, it is not my wish to expect that I have helped others in a large-scale. It is both not possible for a single person to do such a thing and also any such expectations requires one to also answer for the collateral damages on the way. So, I would like to believe that my life has been useful to atleast some. My thirst for the lost life of 1993 has dried up and what gives me peace and happiness is only to have this idea in me and enjoying the everyday joys that come on it's own.
Sure, 1993 was the high point of my life but I cannot go there again the same way. Neither can I live as if I was born today even though all my past sins have been forgiven.
Honestly, it is not my wish to expect that I have helped others in a large-scale. It is both not possible for a single person to do such a thing and also any such expectations requires one to also answer for the collateral damages on the way. So, I would like to believe that my life has been useful to atleast some. My thirst for the lost life of 1993 has dried up and what gives me peace and happiness is only to have this idea in me and enjoying the everyday joys that come on it's own.
Less online and more offline
I think I have set right my relations with my online friends who I came to know since Pravda. Atleast that is what I did like to hope and believe. While I hear pleasant word from my friends from which I sense that misunderstandings, if any, are buried, I cannot hear from all of them and even words have limited power of expression. Things that happen is an indicator but even then understanding everything about things that happen is impossible. So one has to go by signs.
While my real-world family and social life is not as explosive or exciting, my relatives and friends are very sore and hurt with me for having long neglected them. It starts from my mother and sister. These relatives used to be as exciting as my present online friends when I was young but today they are a bit of a drag. The blame goes both to themselves and me because they have also forgotten the fun times we had back then. Today, they have grown into their unique personalities where they selectively include people based on the utility now. So I'm focusing on them now.
Actually, it is good for my online friends as well because I have for long robbed them some of their share of attention that they get in the online social network.
While my real-world family and social life is not as explosive or exciting, my relatives and friends are very sore and hurt with me for having long neglected them. It starts from my mother and sister. These relatives used to be as exciting as my present online friends when I was young but today they are a bit of a drag. The blame goes both to themselves and me because they have also forgotten the fun times we had back then. Today, they have grown into their unique personalities where they selectively include people based on the utility now. So I'm focusing on them now.
Actually, it is good for my online friends as well because I have for long robbed them some of their share of attention that they get in the online social network.
Bond girls aren't always bright
A beautiful girl with the purrfect figure walks into a bank in London and looks around everywhere.
A young guard with an ID 007 pinned up on his shirt comes over and asks her, "May I help you?".
She flips her eyelids and says, "No, I'm fine. I'm just having a look around."
The guard looks at her puzzled and goes away. A few moments later, a middle-aged blond and chubby woman known by the bank employees as M, comes over and asks, "Do you wish to invest in a Security?"
The girl says, "No, I'm looking for a Bond."
"No problem. Bond is one Security we offer.", M explains. "Please wait while I introduce to my assistant, James."
The girl winks at her, "It's alright. I have met him already. It's his move now."
This time, M is puzzled and leaves. After 5 minutes, a jolly old man comes over with a smile and says, "My colleague told me that you were interested in a Bond."
The girl says, "But...but..." and faints.
She wakes up to find herself staring at the ceiling. When she turns over, a strikingly handsome well-built young man grins at her and says, "My colleague told me that you were interested in a Bond."
She utters, "...are you reeeeeaalllyyy???" and faints.
A young guard with an ID 007 pinned up on his shirt comes over and asks her, "May I help you?".
She flips her eyelids and says, "No, I'm fine. I'm just having a look around."
The guard looks at her puzzled and goes away. A few moments later, a middle-aged blond and chubby woman known by the bank employees as M, comes over and asks, "Do you wish to invest in a Security?"
The girl says, "No, I'm looking for a Bond."
"No problem. Bond is one Security we offer.", M explains. "Please wait while I introduce to my assistant, James."
The girl winks at her, "It's alright. I have met him already. It's his move now."
This time, M is puzzled and leaves. After 5 minutes, a jolly old man comes over with a smile and says, "My colleague told me that you were interested in a Bond."
The girl says, "But...but..." and faints.
She wakes up to find herself staring at the ceiling. When she turns over, a strikingly handsome well-built young man grins at her and says, "My colleague told me that you were interested in a Bond."
She utters, "...are you reeeeeaalllyyy???" and faints.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The process of shutting down things
It's easy to go out and talk wonderful things on a social network, like I have been doing for a long time. Talks like peace, happiness, joy, beauty, creativity etc. Actually when many friends come together like this, they are really sincere in living happily together. But then, slowly one by one the same old problems start coming out of the closest. A doesn't like being classified in a group he presently belongs to, B is unhappy with the job life, C is still having a broken relationship, D has to deal with a sick person at home etc. So these talks promise a lot of things but if one keeps hugging and sending gifts, who is going to give the energy to hug or the cash to buy those gifts? That is why such social networks must never become an addiction.
One must master the skill to shut-down oneself time and again from these things. Eventually, the last shut down will be one's own life. It looks scary initially and sometimes a little difficult to do, but unless one goes to sleep peacefully on one day, the next day is sure to get spoilt. With every shut-down, a lot of waste gets eliminated so that fresh ones can be taken in the next time. Even when someone kills himself or herself this way, it cannot be called a suicide in the normal sense of the word. It's because in the normal sense a suicide is committed, the person is overwhelmed by his or her circumstances and tries to escape an abnormal situation. Someone following the scriptures may object that this is against religion. The scriptures say that death has to occur by nature or God but a soul is itself a part of the nature or God. But for someone to self-destruct, he or she has to be a very advanced person...Bhishma had this capacity to die at his own decided time. Death may sound gloomy but it is the purifier of earth. Otherwise life on earth will become a stale pond instead of a fresh running water.
Initially, the idea of death brings a panic reaction but over time, people get used to it and towards the end, start welcoming it. They understand that they are only exchanging the old for a better new one. Little incidents in life start removing their fear of the impending death. For example, when one shuts down the computer or retires from a job or the daughter gets married off to another or when they come out of a major surgery etc. All these aid in understanding life and death better.
It's as important to be firm enough with oneself to leave the party in the middle gracefully even when others are dancing as it is to make a grand entrance at the exact minute. Otherwise, the party next day gets affected.
One must master the skill to shut-down oneself time and again from these things. Eventually, the last shut down will be one's own life. It looks scary initially and sometimes a little difficult to do, but unless one goes to sleep peacefully on one day, the next day is sure to get spoilt. With every shut-down, a lot of waste gets eliminated so that fresh ones can be taken in the next time. Even when someone kills himself or herself this way, it cannot be called a suicide in the normal sense of the word. It's because in the normal sense a suicide is committed, the person is overwhelmed by his or her circumstances and tries to escape an abnormal situation. Someone following the scriptures may object that this is against religion. The scriptures say that death has to occur by nature or God but a soul is itself a part of the nature or God. But for someone to self-destruct, he or she has to be a very advanced person...Bhishma had this capacity to die at his own decided time. Death may sound gloomy but it is the purifier of earth. Otherwise life on earth will become a stale pond instead of a fresh running water.
Initially, the idea of death brings a panic reaction but over time, people get used to it and towards the end, start welcoming it. They understand that they are only exchanging the old for a better new one. Little incidents in life start removing their fear of the impending death. For example, when one shuts down the computer or retires from a job or the daughter gets married off to another or when they come out of a major surgery etc. All these aid in understanding life and death better.
It's as important to be firm enough with oneself to leave the party in the middle gracefully even when others are dancing as it is to make a grand entrance at the exact minute. Otherwise, the party next day gets affected.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Witnessed at the beach today
அவன் தான் ஒரு பேமானி Bike வசான்னா, நீயும் வெக்கணுமா?
"Avan thaan oru Baemaani Bike vechaannaa, neeyum vekkanumaa?!"
"If he only, a #$%^&*(~ kept the Bike there, do you also have to keep it?"
சாரிங்க, தெறியல...ஏன் இத இவ்ளவு Indecentஆ சொல்றேங்க? "Sorrynga, theriyala...yaen idha ivallavu Indecenta solarenga?"
"Sorry mam, didn't know...why are you telling this so Indecently?"
LOL
The talk was between a corporation worker and a young stud who parked his bike where cars are supposed to be parked.
It was funny because these people don't mince words in expressing themselves and the young man was himself nice. It's the clash of classes where the worker was merely frustrated and irritated by these young, spoilt and rich kids to whom the Elliots Beach is a place for having fun without any strings attached.
But the beach will not be what it is without these two types of people. While the beach will start stinking within a day if these workers go on a strike, the affluent sections provide a rosy picture of merry all around. I guess it is the same with life too.
Looked as if there was an angel missing at the beach today.
I went and played at the Badminton court today. Not bad...I got the hang of it after 5 minutes. I lost 2 games and won 1. But that's okay. There were a couple of girls there with whom I played but they were too young for me though they looked nice. I had to learn the rules of the game since it was a little different from tennis. At the end of the day, I still didn't remember all the rules since I had played a long time back but it didn't matter much. The first game we won and in the next 2 games, I became a wee-bit pre-occupied with trying to win. in the 1st game, I played more for the joy of being there in that atmosphere. In the next 2 games, I started analyzing which technique I should use to play, like I used to strategize in tennis. So my natural flow was lost. The same old dilemma also returned...whether to play for winning or enjoying the atmosphere or perfecting the game or stick to the issues that I'm dealing with in life. finally, there was no focus on anything like being in the no-man's land, and I couldn't play well. But it didn't matter and if not fully, I achieved to some extent all those things. I have to get this dilemma of not knowing the reason for playing the game. Generally, it is easy at the start because one has neither won nor lost. But when one has started winning or losing, then it affects the motive. I will have to buy a racquet but I'm not going to do so immediately since my reputation at home as bread-winner recently isn't really at a all-time high. Today, the club manager lent me his racquet. And I had to look at him guiltily a couple of times I hit the racquet on the floor. I will also not join on a monthly basis but rather pay on a daily basis whenever I go to play there.
I'm keeping Maam Yekam Sharanam Vraja in my mind. Well..that is the reality I want to create for myself though i understand only vaguely and even when it means different things at different points of time. But I believe that in any such phrases or proverbs or commandment, there is an underlying truth that is stable even when the surface looks contradictory, hazy and what not. The mind is a funny thing in that even if it is given a precise explanation of something, it tries to find some loose end and escape. I have stopped trying to find precise meanings for these truths in the full confidence that the message is loud and clear to my unconscious.
"Avan thaan oru Baemaani Bike vechaannaa, neeyum vekkanumaa?!"
"If he only, a #$%^&*(~ kept the Bike there, do you also have to keep it?"
சாரிங்க, தெறியல...ஏன் இத இவ்ளவு Indecentஆ சொல்றேங்க? "Sorrynga, theriyala...yaen idha ivallavu Indecenta solarenga?"
"Sorry mam, didn't know...why are you telling this so Indecently?"
LOL
The talk was between a corporation worker and a young stud who parked his bike where cars are supposed to be parked.
It was funny because these people don't mince words in expressing themselves and the young man was himself nice. It's the clash of classes where the worker was merely frustrated and irritated by these young, spoilt and rich kids to whom the Elliots Beach is a place for having fun without any strings attached.
But the beach will not be what it is without these two types of people. While the beach will start stinking within a day if these workers go on a strike, the affluent sections provide a rosy picture of merry all around. I guess it is the same with life too.
Looked as if there was an angel missing at the beach today.
I went and played at the Badminton court today. Not bad...I got the hang of it after 5 minutes. I lost 2 games and won 1. But that's okay. There were a couple of girls there with whom I played but they were too young for me though they looked nice. I had to learn the rules of the game since it was a little different from tennis. At the end of the day, I still didn't remember all the rules since I had played a long time back but it didn't matter much. The first game we won and in the next 2 games, I became a wee-bit pre-occupied with trying to win. in the 1st game, I played more for the joy of being there in that atmosphere. In the next 2 games, I started analyzing which technique I should use to play, like I used to strategize in tennis. So my natural flow was lost. The same old dilemma also returned...whether to play for winning or enjoying the atmosphere or perfecting the game or stick to the issues that I'm dealing with in life. finally, there was no focus on anything like being in the no-man's land, and I couldn't play well. But it didn't matter and if not fully, I achieved to some extent all those things. I have to get this dilemma of not knowing the reason for playing the game. Generally, it is easy at the start because one has neither won nor lost. But when one has started winning or losing, then it affects the motive. I will have to buy a racquet but I'm not going to do so immediately since my reputation at home as bread-winner recently isn't really at a all-time high. Today, the club manager lent me his racquet. And I had to look at him guiltily a couple of times I hit the racquet on the floor. I will also not join on a monthly basis but rather pay on a daily basis whenever I go to play there.
I'm keeping Maam Yekam Sharanam Vraja in my mind. Well..that is the reality I want to create for myself though i understand only vaguely and even when it means different things at different points of time. But I believe that in any such phrases or proverbs or commandment, there is an underlying truth that is stable even when the surface looks contradictory, hazy and what not. The mind is a funny thing in that even if it is given a precise explanation of something, it tries to find some loose end and escape. I have stopped trying to find precise meanings for these truths in the full confidence that the message is loud and clear to my unconscious.
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