Daddy Long Legs

The other day, as I lay on my bed and heard the slow periodic humming sound, I wondered if it was some sort of voice transmitter or maybe even a time bomb. I then rechecked my ear using a spray of hot chilli powder, mint powder, salt and cumeen seeds. The diagnosis was right. I was not having a schizophrenic episode. Anyway, I knew that whoever put it there had valid reasons and good intentions including but not limited to listening to my gracious songs. Man...some guy who is lost in the world cannot hear these sounds and even if he or she hears, he will not make an issue out of it. But when you put it near someone who is almost blind, he or she can hear it as clear as the horn of a bus. Maybe you still need to go through some apprenticeship but thanks anyway. I didn't like the sound of it and I wondered whether to wish it to go away or live with it. Earlier itself I had decided that I will not interfere with the forces around me, the benign and the evil ones. A programmer like me is supposed to program and not fight like a warrior. Also, when you interfere with someone, who is only really capable of protecting you against another who is wishing to cause harm, thinking that you alone can protect yourself, an imbalance is created wherein the protector cannot protect you easily. Also, it hurts the sentiments of the one trying to protect you as it conveys that you do not have trust in his or her capacity and goodwill. This was what I was thinking then but I was also propelled by the inertia of trying to protect myself by myself. There was also the risk of the evil hiding behind the closet on the other side that the good didn't realize. Anyway, the hint was well-taken and the humming sound stopped. I'm sorry if I interfered with your plans, my dear Daddy Long Legs.

Going to start again slowly my work.

Cannot help commenting on poli-tickles again. India should get it's priorities right regards to Afghanistan and Pakistan. India shares more of her history with Pakistan than Afghanistan. I believe that the 100% Arabic Muslims who were invading the Indian sub-continent stopped at the Hindu-Kush and those who crossed over, the ones who can be called today as Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, Indian Muslims etc. got integrated with the locals. Simply put, Afghanistan belongs to the sphere of the Arabs and Pakistan to the Indian sub-continent (okay...I know some Pakistanis will squirm to belong to any group with the word India on it but that's the price you pay for going to bed with our men and women as invaders. You can't erase your DNA.)

I don't mean to say that India dump Afghanistan and kiss Pakistan. It's just that India has to work together with Pakistan more than with trying to bring any stability in Afghanistan.

The cause for universal brotherhood or sisterhood or whatever

This world or life is designed in a funny manner...

People at the penultimate stage to the universal love are devoted preferentially,like say to a particular person or country or ideology or religion or a profession or art etc. The nobility of this stage is in the sacrifice that a person is willing to go through for the object of affection. But the tragedy of this stage is that the object of affection is the drainage of the person's life.

 I will give 2 simple examples.

Take the 1st example of a normal guy who has a star as his friend, kind of like having a matinee idol or the top-sportsman as a friend. The normal guy feels good and happy around him and let's also assume that both of them are basically of good nature. When they both go out to a coffee cafe, people's attention is going to be on the star and not on the guy. This is how a guy gets drained by a star friend. If he had had another guy who was just as ordinary as he was, he would have had a better time at the coffee cafe.

Take for the 2nd example a guy who falls in love with a girl. And he proclaims that he will do anything for her, including sacrificing his life for her if the need comes. The guy initially says this without much thought because he thinks this is a noble thing to say to get her affection. But inevitably the girl, being by nature more fragile than a boy, at some point expects this not merely in words but as a real demonstration. This is how a guy gets drained by a girl. If the guy had simply gone to play with his boy friends, he would not have had to foot the bill at the coffee cafe to appear like a gentleman before a lady.

When one is in the penultimate stage of life, one finds that the person or thing or whatever that one liked was the cause of pain, a pain that had an element of pleasure, that one underwent voluntarily. But what about the person or thing or whatever that one disliked at this stage? It is still a potential source of pleasure that is untapped and the way to harness this pleasure is by being non-judgmental in regarding one as a friend and another as a foe. Then one touches the base or root or bottom of everything and one reaches the final stage. One can then look upon everyone as a friend. At this stage, there is no drainage of one's life because what one object of affection cannot give is given by another continually. There is the feeling of being supported by the buoyancy of the ocean.

I never really thought it was her when I saw her though the face registered in the back of my mind. Maybe I knew and I didn't want to make any false assumptions...as Travolta says in the Broken Arrow, Assumption is the mother of all f.ck ups. But as I sat down to have the snack, I noticed a Muslim going to the loo. The chat was really tasty and as I sat down, as if like rain-clouds, some 3 got around me. My only thought was enjoy the snack and get the hell out of the place. Her chudidhar really went well with her figure and I always liked girls in pony tail. For a moment I wondered if I should go near her and talk but then I thoght...what the hell...I'm too old to go through these games and I also believe that any encounter between a girl and a boy must have an element of magic in it and not be something that one tries to artificially create. So I thought...if I really will be marrying some girl, she will fall into my lap from the sky. A problem for me is that I don't even know if I will be attractive enough to any girl because I cannot go through those teenage romantics.

Anyway I'm happy at the present moment for whatever it is worth to myself and others.

Okay...maybe you want some tip from me on better living...I will screw up my brain to bring you one...I don't want to tell you something that's already there because you will anyway get to it someday without me. So I will share something from what I got experientially...let's see...okay i have got it and it is...'suppose you are an almost wise person and you come across a wonderful tip (like this), then don't be hasty and give it out to another as soon as you receive it to show that you are wise. But instead, hold it within you, even for a moment and digest or reflect or understand what it says. Then, you may tell it outside. If you don't do this, the tip you got will have passed through you without becoming a part of you.'

Okay...going to sleep.

And to you...no, not you...you...hey not you also...yes, you...don't get paranoid over me. I want to be only friends with you and if you think otherwise, I have got to kick your a.se before you accept my friendship. Experience speaks.

Anjali

Have no fear

I'm not for Wikileaks

Okay...I never wanted to and never want to even now to butt in these matters. But I do it now because of my past inertia, which will subside down soon. And also because I'm feeling pretty charged up...like being charged up with ahigh voltage current in my brain.

I'm not against what Wikileaks stands for but the way they are doing it is wrong. Okay...there is always this conflict between the law and order establishment and the self-appointed guardians of the society. Other than those on both the sides who are captivated by power, they both claim to be for justice. And this battle has been raging on since time immemorial and it will continue to last. However, there is a thin line which tips the scale in favour of the establishment...kind of like 51% in favour of them. This is only because it is their normal duty and not any moral high-ground of theirs.

The problem with exposing like this on a grand scale is that it is like exposing or getting exposed all of the body to the lover and not everyone enjoys this.

The argument that the world citizens have a right to information is a wrong one because this information is officially classified. While it does put a check on the establishment, it puts at risk the lives of thousands, if not millions of lives. It can even trigger a nuclear war if the different countries get to know what the other have been saying or doing behind their backs.

Why am I writing this? I don't know. I feel like I'm alone and cannot even relate to anyone or let anyone approach me.

I'm at cross-roads between being fully open and being guarded. I wish I could terminate myself but fortunately or unfortunately I have to carry on.

I never wanted all this. I don't want this. I will never want this.

This may be different but I remember the time when Archana's parents were forcing her to marry another. She said, 'Enakku yen melaye nambikka illa'. I cannot tell the same thing now. I have to have faith in myself that I'm a friend and not a fiend.