Prana - Life Force

There is a common ground between Samyama and Vipassanna. Dharana can be the focusing on the Prana which is what is done Vipassana. This is mere observation and hence different from Pranayama which is more an effort to regulate the Prana. Then at the Dhyana stage, one can experience the bodily sensations as in Vipassana. Intellectually, focusing on the Prana gives an anchoring in one's life. One of the names of Vishnu is Prana itself. As is said in Vipassana, watching Prana is watching a feedback mechanism of life that keeps bringing everything back to stability or normalcy. It's the triangle of mind-breathe-body, all of them affecting each other (like a project scope triangle...lol). Unlike in the initial stage of Pathanjali Yoga where one tries to regulate Prana, here one can watch the Prana regulating us. Pratyahara for me is Sharanagathi and after surrendering, it's re-assuring as well as brings to stability watching Prana do the regulation. Prana, the God that it is, is like a parent and so being in touch with it, brings re-assurance. Ofcourse, one can take anything as an object for the focus of mediation, like Krishna or Shiva or whatever one's Ishta Devatha is etc. The beauty of this association is that as it is said in a Tamil proverb, "Poovodu serndha naarum manakkum" (the leaf that is with the flower also smells good), one gets the nature of whatever one associates oneself with. But unlike material associations like a hot cup and a cold cup where they both become equally moderate, the energy of the primal source is unlimited. So any association with it doesn't exhaust the source whereas one becomes as energetic as the source. Prana is something that is there even when one sleeps. Even observing the breathe for 10 seconds lowers down panic or a psychotic or neurotic symptoms. One can watch it as long as one lives to move towards stability and after one is dead, while one cannot ofcourse watch it, it isn't necessary either because by then it would have brought one to the eternal indestructible state, which is Samadhi. When one watches the breathe, one starts experiencing the bodily sensations, some of them as pain and some as pleasure. These are nothing but the results of the past Karmas and to be liberated into Samadhi, one has to go through these temporary changing experiences. This should be bearable if one has gone through the previous steps before trying to experience this pain or pleasure. Otherwise it will be like terrible and disappointing. More on Samadhi...there are 4 keywords in it (I am not saying from the roots but from my understanding coming from texts and intuition). These are state, being, eternal and indestructible. Samadhi looks scary because it is associated with death but it is not necessarily so bad or even be associated with death. It is also the most beautiful expression of oneself...for example, suppose a movie actor is there who in his early years takes on the roles of the hero, villian, comedian, supporting artist etc. Through his career, he would have had one role which was unique, great and good. But then, for reasons like money or fame or power etc., he might be doing roles he that he never was interested in or even that was just not meant for him. But he might not even be consciously aware of this. Maybe oneday he starts changing, and then as he starts leaving the other roles and focuses on the role tailor made for him. Eventually, at the last leg of his career, he gets into Samadhi...for example, Krishna or Jesus or Buddha etc. are known by some trade mark forms even though they are no longer there in such a form. Ofcourse, these are some big guys but even if one remembers one's own expired parents or grand-parents, one gets an image of what they were in their essence, a state of being that lingers without being mutated any further. For example, the peacock feather, the flute and the blueness of Krishna all go together and removing any one of it brings about a falsity into Krishna. It's a different matter if Krishna is blue or Shakthi is red or Saraswathi is white etc. It's the same way Mahatma Gandhi is remembered with a stick and round spectacles. Anyway, what I'm saying is that Samadhi need not be an unmanifested form as well. Never mind, these are just some thoughts of mine and use it after reflecting over it yourself.

Today, I think I have found a practical way to do my job properly. I'm using a random timer, which brings me back to focusing on my breathe as I work. A problem that I have is that I tend to analyze a lot. A long time back, another counselor of mine suggested that I do things in different ways because I think a lot. She was asking me to use more of my left part of the body. I also read in an article of Jung how he solved a girl's problem by snapping her out of depression who also had an analytical mind by doing something with an insect that was in the room. Regular reminders won't do much for me because I will always be thinking when it is going to ring and so how I should plan my work and so on. But I also need something to refocus whenever my mind wanders. So this random reminder both keeps away my thinking mind and also brings in focus every now and then. With this development, I may have after all just stepped into the 6th plane of existence (Dharana) and not the 7th as I previously thought. :-(  But it's alright since atleast I have some idea of where I'm.

The job front seems to be hopefully good thanks to angels. It seems to be calling me to places...

I met my doctor today and he advised me to go on the present medication for the next month. I told him that i was still a little psychotic for4 which he immediately suggested sulpitac but I declined it. He didn't know all the spiritual practices that I do that will handle it.

Many times I have rated how much I'm well enough. If I base my level based on having just stepped into the 6th stage, then it means I'm some 63% alright and going up. I'm not saying this as some achievement but rather as an interesting fact.

Okay I think I have wandered off and I'm sorry. I have many interesting things to write but I have not developed the discipline to write the blog regularly.

Arvy's travels

A couple of blogs before I had mentioned my experience with a Burqa-clad woman. What I didn't mention then was that when I was returning home, I dropped in at a hotel to have some food. I was having a nice plate o 14 idli when some Muslim guys came in. Now, I don't generalize that every Muslim I see is some terrorist. That's too stupid. Anyway, these guys just went in. And today, I saw one of the guys walking along the beach...I can say with 99% surety. Well again, this is too big a co-incidence but so what...he may well be a friend. I generally do not identify anyone I may know for 4 reasons...the 1st reason is that I do not know if he or she is good or bad, the 2nd reason is that I do not know if he is a friend or foe and the 3rd reason is that it may be a coincidence. The 4th reason, which is the most important and which over-rides all others is that I mind my own business and it is not my work.

But today, the thing that was odd was that when I saw guy again again with another, I changed path and behind these two guys with the cars hiding me. It was like suddenly I disappeared from the vision when they were expecting me to pass by them. This can all be dismissed as paranoid behaviour except that just as I was expecting, the other guy 'seemed' surprised to have lost me and turned around to find me behind him. Again, this can be paranoid behaviour. When I come home, a guy covered with a headscarf comes in to my apartment and as I walk up the stairs, removes a package from underneath. My thought went briefly to the recent Varanasi blast where the bomb was put under some sort of stairs. And after some 20 minutes, I hear all sorts of noises outside which are supposed to be from crackers bursting for a marriage or temple function.

These things don't bother me much because I live a firm life of Yoga, Sharanagathi and Samnyama.

About my previous post

My pathetic condition is that I told my doctor and psychiatrist that I have Schizophrenia but they are not willing to acknowledge it. Maybe they are scared of dealing with an extreme condition like that or are just not skilled enough to handle it. Anyway for me now, balancing my heart and mind is the only to come out of my sickness. It's what is told the Bhagavad Gita verse 8, chapter 12. Only thing is, who the 'Me' is in the verse is a little unknown. It's not so important though because, even with a little understanding of the 'Me' which is inborn in everyone, like the dim light at a far away distance in the night, it becomes clear as one starts living by cross-checking rationality and emotion.

I like very much what Dhirubhai Ambani said, "Dream, but with eyes wide open".

The way I'm going to live

Use the emotion of the left brain...

+

...Use the rationality of the right brain

Yesterday's news

Just read in the morning news paper that 2 got killed and some injured in a clash between 2 groups at the Chennai Sangamam location. And it was just on the spot that I was doing shopping and around the same time. I don't have any fear but I just don't know exactly what to say. I can answer a little easily if it happened around me but I have a tough time answering if it happened because of me.

I want to acknowledge that it happened around me because I don't want to appear distant from whatever disturbances that occur around me. If I don't acknowledge it, it means that I'm no different than a stone. It's not the same way like acknowledging that my nephew fell down from the swing and got a swelling yesterday.

I have disturbed everyone around me just because one girl ditched me. I think that some times, this disturbance has been beneficial and at other times harmful. I think it's pointless to find a person or group to lay the blame on. It is a never-ending process of tracing a line of blame. Eventually it is collective responsibility.

Another funny day

I wrote some time back about time...how it is the link between oneself and everything else. I want to share 2 interesting aspects of time, one which happened day before yesterday and another today.

When I read the article on wisegeek.com on how to develop Patience so as to cope up with pain, I read a very common sense thing which turned out to be a a minor enlightenment for me. It didn't strike me then but the next day, it fit in well with some idea of mine. The article gave some ways of coping with patience like doing something creative in the mean time, understanding that someone else need is getting taken care of. etc. For example, when someone stands in a queue to buy a ticket, he or she understands that the one before him or her has stood a little longer and hence deserves to get the ticket first. The same concept can be applied in life too. Everyone of us is standing in the queue of life to get liberated or obtain salvation or live eternally in heaven etc. There are those who are having so much chronic pain that they plead with God to relieve them of their pain, even if it means killing them. But still God keeps them waiting and then one starts to panic again after all those spiritual practices wondering if all this is fake. I have felt like that some times and even as late as a few days back. Maybe that's what got me to read about the Patience article...believe me, there is no such thing as luck...what we wish for goes to the sub-conscious which then brings the results. Anyway, so I got to understand that life is also a queue whee God is like the official at the ticket counter giving each the ticket when it is their time. The thing to realize when one has a chronic pain is that when one patiently bears it instead of escaping it, not only one help oneself but also another. Escaping doesn't take anyone forward but will simply postpone facing the pain to a later date. If one bears even a little bit of at any one moment, that small bit will vanish or dissolve for ever (this ofcourse doesn't mean that one goes searching for pain or an unbearable pain). And all the pain that one has a finite number of these small pains. When all of them is gone, one can step into something really worthwhile. Now...I knew this long time back but what I realized a couple of days back is that patiently bearing the pain not only helps the person who is having it, but also helps the one who has stood a little longer in the queue in life, someone who had had a greater pain. And...God, like the official at the ticket counter to paradise is only giving the ticket to another more deserving candidate at that moment. So if one bears the pain instead of causing a big hue and cry thereby trying to get ahead of the one in front of the line, one is actually doing a very noble thing or service to another. It looks to me as if that a sick person is called a Patient because he or she is expected to be Patient enough to let the Doctor take care of another more sick trusting that his or her time will soon come. For me, this has given me a new strength to face life and in what can be called the 8 planes of existence, I think I have graduated from the  6th stage of Dharana to the 7th stage of Dhyana. It means that I have stabilized and there will be still pain that keeps reducing to zero. My dear Arvind Guruji...all this is nice but how can I be benefited? (Are you asking this?). I'm like you only and just like how I will look upto someone on the 8th plane of existence to reach there, you can look at this testimonial to boost up your confidence, if you are lower than the 7th plane.

As to the 2nd aspect of time, this was more down to earth. I had been to my counselor's translated book release at a shopping complex. The book was 'Ka' written by an Italian author. The Italian consulate official from Pondicherry was there and just as she started speaking the lights went out. Her voice was shaky and maybe it was because she was scared. Just as she finished, the lights came on...it seemed to have been nicely stage managed. Many of them spoke nicely and there was even an option to question the author after his speech. He obviously had a very good knowledge of Hindu spirituality and I screwed up my mind to ask some question. Then I wondered if I was trying to to ask just to look sophisticated. I was also a little scared of all the people sitting there and it would be like me standing and giving a speech. I didn't want to fumble with my words. Also, I was not really sure if I would get an answer that I already didn't know or will anyway know as I go through my everyday life these days. As I was thinking all of this, 2 questions got asked and the session was over. Then again, I ventured bravely to ask him later after congratulating my counselor. I wanted to ask this...he had said that Prajapathi alone was there initially and had multiplied because he didn't know if He existed or got bored. I wanted to ask him...we are taught to go back to the Self, which is unity. Does it mean that we will get bored again if we go inside and merge as or with our core? This was a complex question and certainly not something that can be answered there in such a short time. Again, I know the answer to these questions just like a layman would know. I once told my counselor that all these spiritual seekers are really vain when a layman can as well answer the questions easily from intuition. He told me that there does exist some difference. He didn't mean it in the sense of a difference in class but as an explanation that a layman understands something more from intuition while seeker will get many rational external explanations that support the intuition. Coming back...as I got to out o the shopping complex and went to the parking lot to get my scooter, I saw a girl in Burqa with a school bag on her back and on a bicycle scurrying like a rabbit past me. The path leading to the parking lot was itself a dark alley and I thought if someone was there waiting for me...a form of psychosis that I have got used to. So, as I start my scooter to reach the gate, she goes around the stopping gate pole and nervously rechecks her bicycle...something seems to be wrong in the bicycle. I stop my scooter because I do not want to die being blown to pieces, atleast not yet. I guess when she didn't find me coming forward, she didn't want to wait anymore. So it became Ladies first, Gents second. The pathetic thing is that she is not even old enough to be a lady. She must be 16 - 18, though I couldn't see well in the dark. I was feeling disgusted at those who send girls like these, who wouldn't have even had an idea of what it means to be romantic or fall in and love. And those guys are shit scared to come out and fight like men. I hope this girl grows up to be a happy old woman and not some wreck in a prison. Those men will do better to borrow the veil from these women and move around the town instead of using their women like this.

The fallow land

Since there is a lot of Gita thinking in me because I have read a lot of times and also because it looks logical, there is one observation which I made and which i believe has changed now. It's not about a change of perception in the meaning but rather in how I correlated it with my own life.

Archana and Pravda were 2 big things in my life. In some sense, I equated them to Tamas (ignorance) and Rajas (passion) respectively and since Gita says that these 2 doesn't help, I could understand getting as far away as possible from both of them and be in Sattva (goodness). But then a couple of days back, I came across a change in this understanding. There was one more entity which I had not recognized and which was liking a issing piece that altered the understanding of my life. It is IIT. So then, IIT became my Tamas, Archana became my Rajas and Pravda became my Sattva. Basically, there is nothing wrong in all the 3 by themselves. I went after IIT because of my ego, went after Archana because of external beauty and found Pravda nice because I got attention. Putting in Hollywood terms, Pravda was good, Archana was bad and IIT was ugly. This is again subjective and some other will what I call bad as good etc. This understanding fits in with my own practical life because no matter how hard I have tried, I have not been able to let go some sort of contact with Pravda in the present. Archana is still there in my memory and I still show some interest in things related to IIT. It's said in the Gita that one transcends even the Sattva when one stays long enough there and reach Krishna. There is a lot of nature of Krishna in my counselor but ofcourse I don't mean to say that others don't have it. Eventually, Krishna is one's own self (not the ego).

After the fight that I had with my sister, I felt rotten (as usual). Even now I have a lot of resentment inside me. I know that i have got only what I have meted out to others but my life now is hardly what one can call a life, let alone a joyful one. I don't like anyone, I don't enjoy any pleasures, I have to do unpleasant work etc.. To move on, I accept that everything is fine on the basis of trust and let things settle down by itself. I live at the root or abyss of existence where alone I can find common ground with everyone else. Such a root or abyss is more a feeling than anything that the sense can perceive. Anything above that and there is bound to be disappointment, hurt and resentment. It's not exactly exciting but it is atleast real, safe and peaceful from which someday happiness can emerge. It is with such such an attitude that I look at my sister, nephew, the employer who rejected me today, the fully shaven guy I saw today etc.