When we become the problem we came to solve...

We must become the change we want to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Any problem with this? Not exactly...except that it has a tendency to become...

We become the problem we came to solve.

A negative thought indeed but nevertheless very real. Otherwise, why would there be a new ideology or religion or government or sport star or friend or lover or spouse etc.coming every now and then. Take for instance Mamata Banerjee, the Indian politician from Kolkata. From her intensity, I believe that she is a great politician. One of the ways by which she became popular among the masses and later into a cabinet rank minister is by stalling all industrialization in Kolkata, fighting for the cause of the poor farmers whose lands may be forcefully grabbed. Now, the latest news is that she got a dose of her own medicine when a project that she gave a green signal had to be stopped for the same land-grabbing issue.

The Pathanjali Yoga gives a suggestion to get over this catch-22 situation.

4.28 The removal of those interfering thought patterns is by the same means by which the original colorings were removed.


The logic behind this is that these tendencies lose their power with each dosage and eventually get burnt out completely. It's somewhat like how immunization is done by giving injections twice or thrice after time intervals. Only this time, it will be more self-directed. And it is not necessary to worry much because the momentum generated from the past success gives both the confidence to carry on as well as the cushion to not get unduly hurt.

Little insurance means No Insurance, change your habit

Okay...I went back to see the advertisement today and it read like...

Little Insurance means
No Insurance, change your habit. - Aegon Religare

That's how these marketing companies are...they just highlight whatever they want to capture the onlookers attention. Mind you...it is real smartness and while a few of those sales guys write such stuff out of sheer panic, the rest of the guys know what that the attention span of an onlooker is a couple of seconds only and if they don't bring the attention within a short span, they have failed as marketing guys and their family will hungry along with them. So I have great respect for these people who have to deal with a lot of stress in using the correct words, tone, colours etc. along with the message.


Anyway, even though when I read it today, the meaning got twisted by 180 degrees, I still like it, but this time in a different sense. When I read it previously, I just thought the advertisement company was something different or against insurance companies. The new phrase also tells a very vital thing...that you cannot dilly-dally when it comes to life or death issues. It's a call for acceptance of the situation as it is now. And only by such an acceptance can there arise any change for the better. I have done this a lot of times in the past and many times I have also tried escaping the situation. It's just what Buddha said..that there is suffering in this world. If one turns the other way when coming across something too sickening to be aware of, one just is allowing an infection to start growing by just leaving it as it is and going over to enjoy whatever one feels like. Enjoyment is not a bad thing but it cannot be done when there is a problem looming over. I don't want to preach because all these things are all there in the books. But a funny thing is, the insurance that the company gives is itself a little insurance in the larger scheme of life...I mean, what all can the company cover...I find it interesting when I read the statistics which says.."X % of the world population suffer from cancer, Y % depression, Z % from road-side accidents..." REALLY...sum it all up and none of us can escape atleast any one of these things (unless ofcourse, one believes that one is privileged to be not human enough to succumb to this. But I guess then not being human enough is itself a problem). No...I don't want to sound fatalistic. Just today I came from seeing my cousin's wife whose mother died of a tumour in the brain. Awareness is very important and awareness can even dissolve a tumour in the brain. Mahatma Gandhi quoted this in one of his last messages asking someone to look at the weakest person and see if what one does helps him or her. I have used it as one of my base positions many times even though there may still be a little flaw or arrogance in it. It's because one has to realize that he or she himself or herself is as weak (or used to be as weak) as the one whom one is observing. One cannot really know what Mahatma Gandhi in mind just like one cannot know what Krishna had in mind or for that matter, someone on the street who has just given a love letter. Here, I would like to say something that Swami Vivekananda said. First, let me tell you something about him...many greats have come and gone leaving a characteristic mark on humanity, kind of like a male dog marks it scent by urine...lol. But seriously, if there is one person whose intention was only to help people help themselves, it is him. He made it very clear that the weak cannot be happy or noble or prosperous or whatever. He didn't say this from a political or religious or racist or casteist or any other supremist philosophy. He merely told the plain fact that a beggar cannot give to another beggar, using a milder language to an audience who were living in the comfort zone (which ironically itself came about from the blessings from the past good karma they had done). A beggar on the street doesn't get this facility because he or she would have to do something to satisfy the hunger, which is beyond human control. Otherwise, you tell me why someone will get his hands dirty to clean sewage. He is forced to do this by a maddening instinct to satisfy the hunger.

Ofcourse, this doesn't mean one keeps thinking about the sufferings of others and feel atleast morally satisfied that he or she is an empathetic person. This will only result in sadness which is in turn another form of weakness. A sad person can never help another sad person because his or her sadness keeps interfering with the capacity to help. The heart may wish to help but the mind or body might be too lethargic to help. While it might not be possible to feel happy enough in the present to help another like this because of one's own bad past karma, one can atleast stop voluntarily go searching for sufferings, pain etc. by doing whatever one can in a detached way, like how a doctor does to a patient. Attaching, instead of associating, oneself with sufferers and imagining oneself as suffering even when there is no cause for it is itself a bad habit.

No insurance, change your habit

A couple of days back as I was going by scooter, I noticed an advertisement that caught my attention. But I couldn't stop long enough to read it fully. I thought I will read it later and even today while I went that way, I noticed it but again, I was going with the momentum of the scooter that I couldn't stop telling myself that I will read on my return journey and again I forgot. Ofcourse, I got the essence of the advertisement. I could just make out, "No insurance. Change your habit." What struck me was that there is a lot of wisdom in it beyond just a commercial catchy phrase. And, the first time I was reading it, I was trying to get for myself a job and I was getting anxious about the result. Then I somewhat sensed as I rode along that even if I get any job, there will always be an uncertain factor. However, when I make a change in my work habit, the locus of control becomes internalized rather depending on external factors that are always unpredictable. The majority of insurance companies play on people's fears. Insurance companies study the probability of accidents and know quite well that even if there is an occasional big handout, the return from the others will compensate for it. I don't mean to say that these companies are entirely bad because the average man on the street is not empowered with these advanced knowledge of statistics and probability and tries to buy some safety. But this is just a comfort zone that can last only upto some point. One has to some day go out and face the reality, which will turn out to be benign to one's pleasant surprise. Till then, the protective net given by such insurances or assurances are like a crutch. When one changes the habit, one is changing the reality about him or her and soon a new equilibrium about oneself gets established.

Today, my counselor has given a clear chit to me that I don't need his counseling anymore. :)

Everything I do, I do it for you (adapted for 2011 technology)

Listen to your call
You will hear
What you mean to me

Search engine
Search mobile
You will find me there
You will search no more.

Don't tell me
It's not worth logging in for
Don't tell me
It's not worth logging out for
Love's true
Everything I do, I do it for you.

Prana - Life Force

There is a common ground between Samyama and Vipassanna. Dharana can be the focusing on the Prana which is what is done Vipassana. This is mere observation and hence different from Pranayama which is more an effort to regulate the Prana. Then at the Dhyana stage, one can experience the bodily sensations as in Vipassana. Intellectually, focusing on the Prana gives an anchoring in one's life. One of the names of Vishnu is Prana itself. As is said in Vipassana, watching Prana is watching a feedback mechanism of life that keeps bringing everything back to stability or normalcy. It's the triangle of mind-breathe-body, all of them affecting each other (like a project scope triangle...lol). Unlike in the initial stage of Pathanjali Yoga where one tries to regulate Prana, here one can watch the Prana regulating us. Pratyahara for me is Sharanagathi and after surrendering, it's re-assuring as well as brings to stability watching Prana do the regulation. Prana, the God that it is, is like a parent and so being in touch with it, brings re-assurance. Ofcourse, one can take anything as an object for the focus of mediation, like Krishna or Shiva or whatever one's Ishta Devatha is etc. The beauty of this association is that as it is said in a Tamil proverb, "Poovodu serndha naarum manakkum" (the leaf that is with the flower also smells good), one gets the nature of whatever one associates oneself with. But unlike material associations like a hot cup and a cold cup where they both become equally moderate, the energy of the primal source is unlimited. So any association with it doesn't exhaust the source whereas one becomes as energetic as the source. Prana is something that is there even when one sleeps. Even observing the breathe for 10 seconds lowers down panic or a psychotic or neurotic symptoms. One can watch it as long as one lives to move towards stability and after one is dead, while one cannot ofcourse watch it, it isn't necessary either because by then it would have brought one to the eternal indestructible state, which is Samadhi. When one watches the breathe, one starts experiencing the bodily sensations, some of them as pain and some as pleasure. These are nothing but the results of the past Karmas and to be liberated into Samadhi, one has to go through these temporary changing experiences. This should be bearable if one has gone through the previous steps before trying to experience this pain or pleasure. Otherwise it will be like terrible and disappointing. More on Samadhi...there are 4 keywords in it (I am not saying from the roots but from my understanding coming from texts and intuition). These are state, being, eternal and indestructible. Samadhi looks scary because it is associated with death but it is not necessarily so bad or even be associated with death. It is also the most beautiful expression of oneself...for example, suppose a movie actor is there who in his early years takes on the roles of the hero, villian, comedian, supporting artist etc. Through his career, he would have had one role which was unique, great and good. But then, for reasons like money or fame or power etc., he might be doing roles he that he never was interested in or even that was just not meant for him. But he might not even be consciously aware of this. Maybe oneday he starts changing, and then as he starts leaving the other roles and focuses on the role tailor made for him. Eventually, at the last leg of his career, he gets into Samadhi...for example, Krishna or Jesus or Buddha etc. are known by some trade mark forms even though they are no longer there in such a form. Ofcourse, these are some big guys but even if one remembers one's own expired parents or grand-parents, one gets an image of what they were in their essence, a state of being that lingers without being mutated any further. For example, the peacock feather, the flute and the blueness of Krishna all go together and removing any one of it brings about a falsity into Krishna. It's a different matter if Krishna is blue or Shakthi is red or Saraswathi is white etc. It's the same way Mahatma Gandhi is remembered with a stick and round spectacles. Anyway, what I'm saying is that Samadhi need not be an unmanifested form as well. Never mind, these are just some thoughts of mine and use it after reflecting over it yourself.

Today, I think I have found a practical way to do my job properly. I'm using a random timer, which brings me back to focusing on my breathe as I work. A problem that I have is that I tend to analyze a lot. A long time back, another counselor of mine suggested that I do things in different ways because I think a lot. She was asking me to use more of my left part of the body. I also read in an article of Jung how he solved a girl's problem by snapping her out of depression who also had an analytical mind by doing something with an insect that was in the room. Regular reminders won't do much for me because I will always be thinking when it is going to ring and so how I should plan my work and so on. But I also need something to refocus whenever my mind wanders. So this random reminder both keeps away my thinking mind and also brings in focus every now and then. With this development, I may have after all just stepped into the 6th plane of existence (Dharana) and not the 7th as I previously thought. :-(  But it's alright since atleast I have some idea of where I'm.

The job front seems to be hopefully good thanks to angels. It seems to be calling me to places...

I met my doctor today and he advised me to go on the present medication for the next month. I told him that i was still a little psychotic for4 which he immediately suggested sulpitac but I declined it. He didn't know all the spiritual practices that I do that will handle it.

Many times I have rated how much I'm well enough. If I base my level based on having just stepped into the 6th stage, then it means I'm some 63% alright and going up. I'm not saying this as some achievement but rather as an interesting fact.

Okay I think I have wandered off and I'm sorry. I have many interesting things to write but I have not developed the discipline to write the blog regularly.

Arvy's travels

A couple of blogs before I had mentioned my experience with a Burqa-clad woman. What I didn't mention then was that when I was returning home, I dropped in at a hotel to have some food. I was having a nice plate o 14 idli when some Muslim guys came in. Now, I don't generalize that every Muslim I see is some terrorist. That's too stupid. Anyway, these guys just went in. And today, I saw one of the guys walking along the beach...I can say with 99% surety. Well again, this is too big a co-incidence but so what...he may well be a friend. I generally do not identify anyone I may know for 4 reasons...the 1st reason is that I do not know if he or she is good or bad, the 2nd reason is that I do not know if he is a friend or foe and the 3rd reason is that it may be a coincidence. The 4th reason, which is the most important and which over-rides all others is that I mind my own business and it is not my work.

But today, the thing that was odd was that when I saw guy again again with another, I changed path and behind these two guys with the cars hiding me. It was like suddenly I disappeared from the vision when they were expecting me to pass by them. This can all be dismissed as paranoid behaviour except that just as I was expecting, the other guy 'seemed' surprised to have lost me and turned around to find me behind him. Again, this can be paranoid behaviour. When I come home, a guy covered with a headscarf comes in to my apartment and as I walk up the stairs, removes a package from underneath. My thought went briefly to the recent Varanasi blast where the bomb was put under some sort of stairs. And after some 20 minutes, I hear all sorts of noises outside which are supposed to be from crackers bursting for a marriage or temple function.

These things don't bother me much because I live a firm life of Yoga, Sharanagathi and Samnyama.

About my previous post

My pathetic condition is that I told my doctor and psychiatrist that I have Schizophrenia but they are not willing to acknowledge it. Maybe they are scared of dealing with an extreme condition like that or are just not skilled enough to handle it. Anyway for me now, balancing my heart and mind is the only to come out of my sickness. It's what is told the Bhagavad Gita verse 8, chapter 12. Only thing is, who the 'Me' is in the verse is a little unknown. It's not so important though because, even with a little understanding of the 'Me' which is inborn in everyone, like the dim light at a far away distance in the night, it becomes clear as one starts living by cross-checking rationality and emotion.

I like very much what Dhirubhai Ambani said, "Dream, but with eyes wide open".

The way I'm going to live

Use the emotion of the left brain...

+

...Use the rationality of the right brain