Why did the chicken cross the road?

With every passing day, I have been trying to get myself away from all the madness that runs around but each time I get pulled in. I do not say that this is something that I didn't ask for, because we get what we ask for consciously or unconsciously.

And with every passing day, I'm pulled further into what seems like a quicksand. Or like an astronaut who gets thrown out of a space shuttle and recedes farther and farther away.

But there is no point in crying over spilt milk.

It was funny that Israel was complaining to America that it had thrown Mubarak to the dogs when it looked as if Israel itself seemed to be thrown to the lions all around.

I was asking a friend to start the group but finding that she had a close encounter of the unknown kind, I thought I will have to stick my neck out. I never wanted to go around and be the creator but it might very well be preventing a nuke war out there somewhere. Sure, now people are going to call me as the next Satan and come after me even when they get the smallest sore in their little toe but what the hell, one cannot kill a man twice. If that is something not obvious, people atleast know raw facts about the state of affairs told in the newspapers.

It's funny to see how facebook has outgrown it's founder Mark. The guy must be relishing the fact that there is a movie made in his name but already, the network's been hijacked by the agencies. Goes onto show that anyone is a mere tool in the grand scheme of things. I like this.

The problem in life and relationships

I have seen this more than a couple of times...the child does something bad, the mother or father scolds or hits back, the child is shocked and doesn't understand for a moment why there is harshness from the other, it starts crying, the parent's emotions take over, they get re-united only to repeat it at a more sophisticated level the next time.

This is not just the case with child-parent but is in all sorts of relationships. Two funny things are that the child goes back to the parent only because it has nowhere else to go and it's ego is so under-developed unlike the case of adults that the parent doesn't have any justification for the anger.

It's a crazy life.

No question papers please, I'm Arvind

In the summer of 1993, after I had got into the relationship with Archana and the 12th result had been declared where I had got a score that was reasonably good, there was only one last thing to do...study for the entrance test. But then I was intoxicated in the relationship and I had already come to believe that I will get into an engineering college. So I didn't study well. A small genuine reason that also contributed to it was that the 12th preparation drained em. It's ofcourse nothing big like how some guys study for 4 years for IIT. So I just did a little average in the entrance going largely by the knowledge I remembered from the 12th preparation. But this was easily forgivable as compared to a greater damage I did, which was not utilize an opportunity that presented itself to me. I don't want to get into the moral aspect of this because I was young that time and so didn't think much on corruption. My uncle knew an assistant to some minister or the minister himself who in turn had access to someone conducting the Annamalai university exam entrance. Annamalai university is quite a decent engineering college. With some effort from my father and my uncle, I got a few tips on certain areas from where the questions will be asked. But I just didn't study at all. I flunked miserably in the test and later when the result came out and my uncle got the test result unofficially so that a further push could be given, he found that I had scored a miserable score and it was way below the cut-off to be given pushed further and there went the seat. If only I had studied a little bit more, I might have got the free seat there instead of later paying to do my engineering degree.

My troubles with question paper didn't stop there and it continued even in engineering, though this time I can atleast say I wasn't at the wrong end. My friends in Pune university knew one test-taking strategy that worked for over 95% of times. Their strategy was go though the answer to the questions in the last 3 years or 6 semesters of previous exams and regurgitate it in the exam. This is not entirely bad if one considers it as a pointer or guide or tip rather than relying on it as a tactic or a strategy. But I used to go to the other extreme of these guys...I tried to be a perfectionist in reading every letter in the book. This would have worked for me had I been really interested in my subject but I used to find it not so very interesting and so I couldn't read much. What this meant was that I got 50% while those guys got 70%. The funny thing is when in a year the question paper was set in a different format by a different weird professor, these guys got the scare of their lives and failed while I still got the same marks. I guess, the smart ones were those who were neither like me nor them.

I think I was smart as a kid when I used to play games. Later in school, I thought less laterally and more longitudinally thinking that the only way to be the topper of the class is to slog. I studied painstakingly for 5-6 years. While at the end, I did have some reasonable success, I couldn't sustain it always. That is why I failed miserably in engineering. After school, I thought I wouldn't need to any more slog over but since I had raised my standards to an artificial level, it was always a problem to maintain it. Archana had thought that I was some kind of whiz-kid or scholar and I always had to wear this mask. Now, I'm smart in a few things but still find it a big problem to read effectively and efficiently. I get humbling experiences all the time these days when I see that I cannot do the simplest of things.

Today, I have no or very less extrinsic motivation because of the loss of Archana, a little bit of paranoia and a necessity to stand on my own legs. But I do have intrinsic motivation in the form of some liking of the way I wish to work, though finding a job that can be tailored to suit it is a big challenge. When I was waiting at a company today for a test, I was thinking on how to face it. It was a very nice company and the job was a very simple one but I was still a bit apprehensive about myself. I came across a news paper article on manual scavenging which drew my attention. I'm sorry to bring these sorts of unpleasant things in life and I advise with all seriousness to you not to read my posts much if you don't like reading these matters because it can unnecessarily bring down your spirits. But as I read it, my self-doubt got cleared and I made up my mind. I have ofcourse made up my mind like this many times, falling down sometimes. But this time, I made up my mind which was more job-specific. What got my attention was that there was a debate over the definition of manual scavenging. It just looked unimportant to me how one defines when one can see that it is a very pathetic state of affairs. Then I looked at the company I was in and it was designed like a work of art. I told myself not to waste any time further in self-doubt and hesitating to apply the skill I have when I don't face such a poor environment as those labourers. But I didn't do well in the test either and it was a very humbling experience. Later I understood another point, which is in no way less important than the previous one. Today, companies all over the world are giving great environments, like for instance this company. In some companies, there are attached gymnasium and what not. While these do give some motivation, these are all still extrinsic. When I was in the company today, I was feeling good a bit that was unnatural to me who was used to doing work from home and so part of my attention went into the environment itself. I also worried about how I can sit all 10 hours when at home I lie down on the bed every now and then.

When I can focus my mind on the work, I feel good but I have the Pavlov's syndrome. I get constantly dragged by the passion of facebook and other things. I do try my best and move daily inch by inch I'm improving. Sometimes, it is painfully slow and I stare at the state of being unemployed or being incapacitated to work and support myself and living under the droppings of others. At these times, I tell myself that just as I came over my spiritual wants, I can come out of my material wants.

Going today to the poice to just make a formal report

I think it's about time that I just reported that there was some threat to my life to the police coming from being online at Pravda, not that they don't know it already. It will just make it more easier for those giving me a cover without them having to worry about legal issues. I believe that unless one asks for help formally, they cannot interfere much. I did not want to do this till now because in the usual times, a formal report doesn't add any more utility since these things are largely done outside normal protocol. I also didn't want to scare my mother. But now, I think things have gone too far what with there being an unrest everywhere and anyone easily able to have access to my profile as I settle in a job. I'm writing this over here before reporting so that this doesn't catch you unawares.

Gave an idea today for starting a facebook group

Some may think that I'm trying to influence things by such a suggestion. I can only say that my intentions are honourable like how a maiden declares her virginity is intact before marriage...lol.

An advantage facebook has over any forum is the having 'Like' option without the 'Dislike' option. People can ofcourse debate over this. There are those who want to include the 'Dislike' option to make facebook more realistic. A philosophy that I like and try to live by as much as possible is...in certain conditions, if there is something good to tell someone, tell it and if there is nothing good to say or something bad one finds, it's better to remain silent. It is alright and infact advisable to say something bad to correct someone in an open and safe environment. By safety, I mean all the aspects like not knowing the background of the person on the other side and not just some computer hacking. The internet is an open environment but it is not exactly safe, atleast most sites. So, in these sites, if one provides 'Dislike' button, there will be a perpetual deadlock. Remaining silent gives time for whoever has something bad to find out the truth by himself or herself without having to go through the embarrassment of sensing that someone else knows their weakness. Truth reveals itself with time and if forced prematurely on someone, it will just sabotage any understanding because he or she becomes defensive.

I don't know why the Pravda forum came into existence and this idea of mine is not to undermine it. Different groups can serve different purposes. I only wish to have a group that can be like a coffee house but I will not deny that I would feel good to be one of the instruments in bringing people together from different backgrounds and make the world a better place.

When we become the problem we came to solve...

We must become the change we want to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Any problem with this? Not exactly...except that it has a tendency to become...

We become the problem we came to solve.

A negative thought indeed but nevertheless very real. Otherwise, why would there be a new ideology or religion or government or sport star or friend or lover or spouse etc.coming every now and then. Take for instance Mamata Banerjee, the Indian politician from Kolkata. From her intensity, I believe that she is a great politician. One of the ways by which she became popular among the masses and later into a cabinet rank minister is by stalling all industrialization in Kolkata, fighting for the cause of the poor farmers whose lands may be forcefully grabbed. Now, the latest news is that she got a dose of her own medicine when a project that she gave a green signal had to be stopped for the same land-grabbing issue.

The Pathanjali Yoga gives a suggestion to get over this catch-22 situation.

4.28 The removal of those interfering thought patterns is by the same means by which the original colorings were removed.


The logic behind this is that these tendencies lose their power with each dosage and eventually get burnt out completely. It's somewhat like how immunization is done by giving injections twice or thrice after time intervals. Only this time, it will be more self-directed. And it is not necessary to worry much because the momentum generated from the past success gives both the confidence to carry on as well as the cushion to not get unduly hurt.

Little insurance means No Insurance, change your habit

Okay...I went back to see the advertisement today and it read like...

Little Insurance means
No Insurance, change your habit. - Aegon Religare

That's how these marketing companies are...they just highlight whatever they want to capture the onlookers attention. Mind you...it is real smartness and while a few of those sales guys write such stuff out of sheer panic, the rest of the guys know what that the attention span of an onlooker is a couple of seconds only and if they don't bring the attention within a short span, they have failed as marketing guys and their family will hungry along with them. So I have great respect for these people who have to deal with a lot of stress in using the correct words, tone, colours etc. along with the message.


Anyway, even though when I read it today, the meaning got twisted by 180 degrees, I still like it, but this time in a different sense. When I read it previously, I just thought the advertisement company was something different or against insurance companies. The new phrase also tells a very vital thing...that you cannot dilly-dally when it comes to life or death issues. It's a call for acceptance of the situation as it is now. And only by such an acceptance can there arise any change for the better. I have done this a lot of times in the past and many times I have also tried escaping the situation. It's just what Buddha said..that there is suffering in this world. If one turns the other way when coming across something too sickening to be aware of, one just is allowing an infection to start growing by just leaving it as it is and going over to enjoy whatever one feels like. Enjoyment is not a bad thing but it cannot be done when there is a problem looming over. I don't want to preach because all these things are all there in the books. But a funny thing is, the insurance that the company gives is itself a little insurance in the larger scheme of life...I mean, what all can the company cover...I find it interesting when I read the statistics which says.."X % of the world population suffer from cancer, Y % depression, Z % from road-side accidents..." REALLY...sum it all up and none of us can escape atleast any one of these things (unless ofcourse, one believes that one is privileged to be not human enough to succumb to this. But I guess then not being human enough is itself a problem). No...I don't want to sound fatalistic. Just today I came from seeing my cousin's wife whose mother died of a tumour in the brain. Awareness is very important and awareness can even dissolve a tumour in the brain. Mahatma Gandhi quoted this in one of his last messages asking someone to look at the weakest person and see if what one does helps him or her. I have used it as one of my base positions many times even though there may still be a little flaw or arrogance in it. It's because one has to realize that he or she himself or herself is as weak (or used to be as weak) as the one whom one is observing. One cannot really know what Mahatma Gandhi in mind just like one cannot know what Krishna had in mind or for that matter, someone on the street who has just given a love letter. Here, I would like to say something that Swami Vivekananda said. First, let me tell you something about him...many greats have come and gone leaving a characteristic mark on humanity, kind of like a male dog marks it scent by urine...lol. But seriously, if there is one person whose intention was only to help people help themselves, it is him. He made it very clear that the weak cannot be happy or noble or prosperous or whatever. He didn't say this from a political or religious or racist or casteist or any other supremist philosophy. He merely told the plain fact that a beggar cannot give to another beggar, using a milder language to an audience who were living in the comfort zone (which ironically itself came about from the blessings from the past good karma they had done). A beggar on the street doesn't get this facility because he or she would have to do something to satisfy the hunger, which is beyond human control. Otherwise, you tell me why someone will get his hands dirty to clean sewage. He is forced to do this by a maddening instinct to satisfy the hunger.

Ofcourse, this doesn't mean one keeps thinking about the sufferings of others and feel atleast morally satisfied that he or she is an empathetic person. This will only result in sadness which is in turn another form of weakness. A sad person can never help another sad person because his or her sadness keeps interfering with the capacity to help. The heart may wish to help but the mind or body might be too lethargic to help. While it might not be possible to feel happy enough in the present to help another like this because of one's own bad past karma, one can atleast stop voluntarily go searching for sufferings, pain etc. by doing whatever one can in a detached way, like how a doctor does to a patient. Attaching, instead of associating, oneself with sufferers and imagining oneself as suffering even when there is no cause for it is itself a bad habit.