Taking Vocational Training

I'm going these days to a Schizophrenic institution that gives free vocation training. I get free consultation as well.

I have not worked for 15 years and so my body needs to get re-adjusted to work properly under pressure in the corporate world. In 3 - 6 months, I think I will be fit enough. They have got an employment bureau there as well where they arrange jobs for those with schizophrenia. Going through them has the advantage that my employer will understand my background but I think the pay will less, even a web developer job. Anyway, I'm just going there like a kindergarten kid.

I don't know if I have Schizophrenia. My doctor doesn't give me that label. I do tell myself that Krishna talks to me. I don't know if this makes me one. It can simply be my wish to talk to my conscience or unconscious or a higher power. There are even meditations that are considered normal which have such auto-suggestions. Most likely, I have some sort of psychotic bi-polar disorder. Anyway, I'm very peaceful now.

Life

Sometimes life can be terrible. It can scare one towards the end of despair. At the same time, life can be securely pleasant. Sometimes, there is just a thin line separating them.

Everything starts with security. And security starts with an anchor. An anchor is something like a home which doesn't change and to which one can always return to whenever one wants to. Finding it can be easy or difficult. Once found, accepting it can be again easy or difficult. It requires both the brain and the heart to find and accept the anchor.

I have found some sort of anchor for myself. So I'm shaking only 5% in my legs. :D

There is nothing wrong in being afraid. There is one story in the Asterix comics (Asterix and the Nordsmen, I think), where the Nordsmen don't know what fear is until they meet the Gauls. Getafix, the druid, tells in the end that it is not absense of fear that is courage but overcoming fear is courage.

It's important never to lose one's perspective in life. As Rajini sings in Dharma Durai, எண்ணம் மட்டும் சேர்ந்திருந்தால், இன்றும் என்றும் சோகமிள்ளே (if only the thinking is integral, there is no sadness today or any day.)

Good night. Don't die tripping down on the staircase. :)

War is not always the answer

It is my view that NATO is weilding power far beyond it's sphere of influence. If the people of Libya have any problem, it is for the UN General Assembly to send some Peace Keeping force...not let an organisation affiliated to some Security Council member states to intervene. By doing this, NATO has absolved of all rights against terror attacks. Maybe, NATO has to be dismembered.

Today, it's said that the US killed Osama. I don't buy any of it. As far as I know, the pics have been there long before today. I guess the validity of American reports can be gauged from the way the WMD were found in Iraq. It is imperative that India doesn't get hyped or raise the pitch over the issue with Pakistan.

Wars have to stop somewhere, sometime...atleast the ones started by someone or a bunch of people. Otherwise, it will consume the ones who fight it, even righteously. Look at Sri Lanka. What started as decades old war against the LTTE has made them so used to war that even after Prabhakaran died, President Rajapaksha and military guy Fonseka has started fighting over who should emerge as the winner. They are already fighting the next war amongt themselves just as the UN is sanctioning an investigation into their atrocities against the Tamils.

If there is any war that has to be fought, it is against the software tycoons coming around as CEOs of big software and cell phone companies, who are aiding all the military and terrorist machinery. These need to be hanged by the balls (to borrow Putin's language).

Hi...

I have a lot to tell (assuming someone wants to hear it). But, I have gone back into my tortoise shell for now.

I want to tell about 2 things.

I have stopped visiting facebook because I was again getting those psychotic thoughts. I may never again go there. I don't know. In the Narada Bhakti Sutras, it is said that the effects of evil company starts as ripples and then become as large as the ocean. Facebook is quite clean...atleast that's what I believe the majority attempt to make it to be. And like germs in our body, it is practically impossible to get rid of all evil company. It's only when the concentration exceeds some limit that one has to be quarantined. And that is what I have done...I have quarantined myself till I become completely immune to those. It is also said that a seed, if  burnt thoroughly, cannot give raise to a tree. So, I'm not going back to facebook till I'm thoroughly burnt of bad past karma. When such a thing happens to someone, what malicious do will bounce over or they will themselves get burnt, like a meteor near a star.

Am I being selfish, thinking only about my good? You may ask...what right do I have to decide how open or closed my social network should be. My belief is that only when I'm 100% alright can I truly love people. And for being alright, I need to be alone to sort out my life.

The 2nd thing I want to say is about my romantic love life. I was (maybe I'm still) interested in a girl on the old forum whom I saw many years ago at a temple over here. I guess one nasty person and another rich gal hijacked her identity. Later I did get to be a friend but being foolish and in a mess and ofcourse, not right in the head, I disengaged the friendship. And, it looks to me as if she is interested in me as well. If I was like how I was back in my teens, nothing would have made me more happier. But, I'm not that Arvy. I'm Arvind, more mature and it is a challenge for me to synchronize the romantic part of me with the humane part of me. I have seen life at it's worst and so I know that it is not a bed of roses. While I do love fairy tales, I really don't know if life can become a fairy tale that ends well. In my younger years, I would have immediately set-off like Don-Quixote for romance but now, I'm an old horse too tired to get up to do everyday tasks. Back then, I told Archana that I will fight the whole world if I have to (from my arrogant belief in my capacities). Today, I concur more with the Hindi movie Dilwale Duniya Le Jaayenge, if at all it is possible. So as the DOS command goes, would you like to Abort, Cancel or Retry?

What taking refuge at the Lord's feet actually means

In some mantras like Dvaya mantra and also in some photos, one is shown God's feet as a place to take refuge at. It hurts people's ego to bow down (including mine). If treating another as an equal itself is difficult in this world, what about bowing down? I want to share a meaning of it which removes a warped idea of what it means. I will also be using only an allegory but this atleast may be perceived as less threatening to the ego.

God is a limitless ocean of love. People suffer because they have come out of the ocean, like fishes that have jumped out into the land. I have seen in TV in the Discovery channel or National Geographic channel that some whales do come out to the land like this and struggle to get back in. Atleast for those fishes, they are near the shore but we humans have come out far outside. Anyway, what is the maximum that the fish can do to get back in? It can just hip hop or crawl to the shoreline and expect that the wave will take it back deep inside into the ocean. What is the feet of God? It is the shoreline. What is God's arms, face etc.? It's said that no one can ever know those things because those are deep inside the ocean. Can anyone really measure infinity? The only thing accessible to humans in this world is God's feet i.e. the shoreline that separates the spiritual life from the material life.

Mam, pleased to be of assistance. The entrance is the other way.

I think there is a nice temple of Maha Lakshmi in Mumbai. But I have never been there. I don't know if there are many popular temples devoted to Her.

One nice temple is the Ashta Lakshmi temple. It oversees the sea, has 8 Lakshmis (that's why the name 'Ashta') and is located in a posh area (She can surely afford it). The downside is that it is not ancient enough, the area is not well-maintained and many priests believe that it is their birth-right to be rich.

There is a reason why devotees come around a temple in the clockwise direction. It's to convey a message that the universe has a harmonious way in everything...imagine if people came about in opposite directions and kept blocking each other. In certain things one does clockwise and in certain other things one does anti-clockwise.

It isn't enough to come only with a retinue. Foreigners need to read a few basic instructions on the local customs. The young comes in nice attire but the older ones are too much caught up in abstract concepts. Comeon...if you believe it is your temple, atleast take the time to bring along a guide rather than jump in like diving into a swimming pool. Don't ask me why I didn't offer to be a guide. I may talk big things over here but sometimes I'm a chicken. I was even bold with Archana only after she showed some interest in me. I had to ask Logan to do the initial proposal on my behalf. And before that with Lakshmi...I used to sink inside myself when she came before me. I think I must have been the only guy to have proposed without uttering a word twice and failed both times. :-(

Retreat

I have got a simple checklist for retreating into my self. This is important to be rooted or grounded or be refuged in my own base. Retreating is a surrendering process. It is centripetal in nature while Yoga is centrifugal. Retreating is internalized while Yoga is externalized. In retreating, one mixes with the immanent aspect of God while in Yoga, one unites with the transcendent aspect of God.

I have coined an acronym for the steps or checklist. - ADHD.

Actually ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, which I believe I had (and perhaps still have). ADHD is when someone cannot concentrate much on a single for a long period of time. I show symptoms of the disorder but I guess I can label myself as having all the disorders under mental health. Anyway here's the acronym...

1. A - Admit that it's time to retreat (whenever drawn to the current of  unnecessary tasks, interests, aspects etc. of life)
2. D - (remove all) Distractions or Don't get Distracted. (i.e. have an undisturbed or peaceful environment or atmosphere.)
3. H - Hide from others (This is solitude where there is just some mode of emergency communication)
4. D - Do nothing (if you are a lazy bum like me, you will love this. Actually, it means not doing any activity that requires focus, effort etc. Not what one will do even while loafing, like scratching the back. :))

All the above can be done before one takes the retreat (like placing a 'Do Not Disturb' board on the door outside). Infact, it is better if when one retreats, it can be set up once and not be bothered any more....like saying 'enough', stopping all current activities and driving off to a secluded spot.

There will be discomfort initially which will later turn into comfort. It's just not easy to sit and do nothing when one's world seems to be breaking apart. There may be burning sensations from stress, bad habits etc. One starts slowly being aware of little things in the present moment. Again, these little things seem trivial or uninteresting or not easily perceptible when compared to the big things in life. But the good thing is that this practise will create a void or emptiness like a fallow land in which the tree of happiness can be cultivated and grown. Also, it will decelerate any unnecessary extra momentum of a neurotic or workaholic.