I think I have Schizophrenia.

I have gone too deep inside myself that I cannot relate to others. Life is too complex and I don't know if it is getting better or worse. I don't know if I will ever come out of the dark tunnel of depression.

But I'm happy with whatever I have. I have no regrets.

In these moments, I live like holding onto a 10,000Volts wire. I'm like a deer on the road in a night blinded and stunned by a fast-approaching car...just too retarded to move. This is something that was partly imposed upon and partly voluntarily taken up.

I'm a speck of dust in the grand scheme of things in the universe but yet I'm made to feel important by those around me for which I'm grateful.

Sanity is a thing I daily confront with. A remembrance of my childhood when life was all meaningful gives me strength to continue. I will never commit suicide because I will never quit.

I have scheduled to publish this post after many years, hopefully after I die. That's for the general public. But I know some are getting a sneak preview of it already...LOL

I want to tell you something...something what my counselor told me...'Don't feel bad if you are afraid or lonely or depressed to the end of life. It's only such people who can really appreciate the blessings of life.'

If you are looking for a miracle, see that life is a miracle.