I'm not going to facebook anymore. Just want to be alone. It will be difficult but it is one more thing I have to let go. It will be difficult not to get notifications in the email and I'm already sensing a little of withdrawal symptoms.

Facebook looks just superfluous. I do not mean the people there. I mean the communication gap. Here inside myself, I can look at the outside world without the fear of being accused of being judgemental, a narcissist, an arrogant guy, a jerk etc.

Maybe this is the last purgatory cell in the prison of hell I have to go through.

I have eyes but I cannot see anything.

There are 2 things for me to answer. The first is my responsibilities to those around. The second is how I deal with my death.

I think people around me are okay. I have taken from some and given to some. I don't think people will miss me much. Some may wonder why I haven't turned up. One or two maybe (maybe) find an emptiness like how I feel now. But they too will get over it after some time (like I intend to).

About my death, I do not want to pretend that I'm fearless. But I have also started not fearing. My fear doesn't come the way I will die or the time it will come. I fear the time of transition between life and death whether it comes through a bullet or an accident or on my bed or tomorrow or at 60 years. I do not fear much for a few reasons. one reason is because I already died when Archana told me that she soemone else. Another reason is that I have never harmed anyone intentionally. My fear comes from a doubt that Eienstein had...whether this universe is inherently benign.

I was brought up in a very protective atmosphere by my parents. Today also, I'm protected but by my adopted parents. I do not know them...only a vague idea that they are of the form of Lakshmi and Narayana.

The chief reason I want to be alone is that I don't want to explain myself or justify myself to anyone anymore.

I feel retarded and paralyzed. It was not me who took care of things before I was born and neither will it be me after I'm dead. Today, I decided to not interfere with the way the Self ran things. I feel most vulnerable but I also know that this is the armour of God.