I don't know what difference it will make after 11 days when I no longer take the tablet. I doubt if it will be a major difference but still it will be a subtle difference to me and whoever is around me. It will be a major milestone...perhaps...the most major milestone of my recovery. Going from 99.99% alright to 100.00% alright involves a small difference but still it is a moment to celebrate. By 100.00% alright, I don't mean to say anything like perfection or Nirvana. I will still be making mistakes but they will not be grave ones that requires damage control. These days, I'm almost alright but taking a tablet produces some side-effects. I don't think there will be any major event during these days, positive or negative. Actually, it's funny. I'm not getting alright in a grand way in a moment by the waving of a magic wand but that the development is so quiet and boring, almost imperceptible, so subtle that I have to go back down memory lane to compare how I was and how I'm now.
I'm clubbing Vishnu Sahasranama and Pathanjali Yoga. When I was using the "Krishna Unakke Preethi" mantra in Pathanjali Yoga, I was telling myself that it helps me in Karma Yoga. That the Vishnu Sahasranama also involves Dhyana or meditation made me uncomfortable. I was thinking...why am I doing 2 times the meditation? Add it to do that the chanting of the Dvaya mantra. Then I thought...why not just do the first 5 steps of Pathanjali Yoga as it is and use the Vishnu Sahasranama for the next 3 steps. Doing it like this is a bit new since the recommended length of the mantra for meditation is short generally - not something which lasts for half an hour. Still, there's no reason why it shouldn't be done like that and so I'm doing.
I was reading today the 4th chapter of the Gita and there it was mentioned that the wisdom sacrifice was the best and suddenly I got a new meaning into that verse. Till now, I was interpreting that verse from the point of the disciple - a disciple has to be willing to sacrifice his or her useless knowledge for the better knowledge. And today, I looked at it from the point of view of a Guru or a learned person - he or she shares his or her wisdom. I then thought...let me share whatever knowledge I have through the website (not this one). Actually, I have tried a few times to do it but left it for want of real direction.
I really don't know if this is a wise decision but I plan to devote my work life to wisdom, knowledge and faith. Wisdom through a website, knowledge through web development job and faith through my writing. Brahmins in the old days had 3 ways of earning money - being a Guru, scientist or priest. I can be a Guru, though I would be hard-pressed to find a disciple willing to take me seriously :D I believe that I have valuable knowledge in me, kind of like how Bheeshma was, when He gave the Vishnu Sahasranama. Ofcourse, I'm really not comparinf myself with Him and that's why I have used the words 'kind of'. Moreover, I believe that I have been fortunate to live near a society like the Theosophical Society which gives access to esoteric Wisdom. Web development is no problem as long as it is for an hour or two. I cannot be a priest but I can still do something that a priest is supposed to do - instill faith. By faith, I don't mean a faith in God alone but take it in the broadest definition. Writing on faith would bring some meaning and utility to my novel than just a passionate time-pass.
I'm fashioning these jobs based on what a Brahmin is supposed to do. Some people will immediately start frowning if anything is done in the name of caste. Being a Brahmin has no real advantage than others if one really understands the scriptures. A Cobbler can get the same Nirvana that a Brahmin gets by being a better Cobbler. It's funny to read forums in the internet where foreigners, interested in converting to Hinduism, ask...which caste will I be if I convert to Hinduism? Let me make a few points briefly...1) All the 4 castes have come from God 2)Every caste can reach God by being devoted to his or her work 3) A Sudra might clean the toilet but a Brahmin has to use the cow's dung in doing the Yajna 4) I believe that there are 3 factors deciding which caste a person is fitted to be - the caste he or she was born into, the environmental forces that has shaped him or her during the growing up period and perhaps the present situation...I don't know. So it can be that someone who is born a Brahmin, like a cousin of mine, might be living the life of a non-Brahmin (my cousin unfortunately lost both his parents at a tender age and had to survive with whatever options he had, like eating non-veg, drinking liquor etc. I don't mean to say that someone who is eating meat or drinking cannot be have Brahmin's nature. He or she can but it will not be full. There is nothing wrong in eating meat if you are a Ksattriya and need to defend yourself physically. Or drink a peg of wine for health reasons or otherwise weekly or monthly as long as you don't go overboard. I'm really not trying to be apologetic or supportive of the caste system. The caste system has it's pluses and minuses. It is amazing for me to see how the power hierarchy was kept in balance so that no caste really dominated. The Brahmana is respected the most but the rule of law is not his o her hands - it is the domain of the Ksattriya. And a Ksattriya knows that all of his or her power cannot stand before the non-violent strength of a Brahmana. When I say Brahmana or Ksattriya, I'm talking about those in the old times who lived up to their ideals - not the pseudo-ones these days. But even in the old days, there were pseudo-ones and caste fights were ubiquitous. The point is...it's not what caste that one is which matters but how true one is towards his or her responsibilities that matters. Someone like the musician Ilayaraja, born as a Non-Brahmin, is a maestro who can make any Carnatic Brahmin musician to eat the humble pie. Again, I'm not equating greatness of the soul with talent. Ilayaraja might very will be a scoundrel in real life (I once heard that his wife ran away with some other guy) but he shows the intellectual capacity of a Brahmin. On the other hand, as I mentioned earlier, my cousin is a Brahmin and while he has a good heart, he doesn't really show any intellect. And intellect, physical strength etc. doesn't really matter as long as one has good integrity. Dharma might be different for the different castes but it is his or her own Dharma that really saves someone.
After 11 days, I don't think I will be taking time to explain why it is alright for a Brahmin to do the work of a Brahmin. The unfortunate lengthy explanation of the previous paragraph is one such instance of the side-effects of taking the tablet.
I'm clubbing Vishnu Sahasranama and Pathanjali Yoga. When I was using the "Krishna Unakke Preethi" mantra in Pathanjali Yoga, I was telling myself that it helps me in Karma Yoga. That the Vishnu Sahasranama also involves Dhyana or meditation made me uncomfortable. I was thinking...why am I doing 2 times the meditation? Add it to do that the chanting of the Dvaya mantra. Then I thought...why not just do the first 5 steps of Pathanjali Yoga as it is and use the Vishnu Sahasranama for the next 3 steps. Doing it like this is a bit new since the recommended length of the mantra for meditation is short generally - not something which lasts for half an hour. Still, there's no reason why it shouldn't be done like that and so I'm doing.
I was reading today the 4th chapter of the Gita and there it was mentioned that the wisdom sacrifice was the best and suddenly I got a new meaning into that verse. Till now, I was interpreting that verse from the point of the disciple - a disciple has to be willing to sacrifice his or her useless knowledge for the better knowledge. And today, I looked at it from the point of view of a Guru or a learned person - he or she shares his or her wisdom. I then thought...let me share whatever knowledge I have through the website (not this one). Actually, I have tried a few times to do it but left it for want of real direction.
I really don't know if this is a wise decision but I plan to devote my work life to wisdom, knowledge and faith. Wisdom through a website, knowledge through web development job and faith through my writing. Brahmins in the old days had 3 ways of earning money - being a Guru, scientist or priest. I can be a Guru, though I would be hard-pressed to find a disciple willing to take me seriously :D I believe that I have valuable knowledge in me, kind of like how Bheeshma was, when He gave the Vishnu Sahasranama. Ofcourse, I'm really not comparinf myself with Him and that's why I have used the words 'kind of'. Moreover, I believe that I have been fortunate to live near a society like the Theosophical Society which gives access to esoteric Wisdom. Web development is no problem as long as it is for an hour or two. I cannot be a priest but I can still do something that a priest is supposed to do - instill faith. By faith, I don't mean a faith in God alone but take it in the broadest definition. Writing on faith would bring some meaning and utility to my novel than just a passionate time-pass.
I'm fashioning these jobs based on what a Brahmin is supposed to do. Some people will immediately start frowning if anything is done in the name of caste. Being a Brahmin has no real advantage than others if one really understands the scriptures. A Cobbler can get the same Nirvana that a Brahmin gets by being a better Cobbler. It's funny to read forums in the internet where foreigners, interested in converting to Hinduism, ask...which caste will I be if I convert to Hinduism? Let me make a few points briefly...1) All the 4 castes have come from God 2)Every caste can reach God by being devoted to his or her work 3) A Sudra might clean the toilet but a Brahmin has to use the cow's dung in doing the Yajna 4) I believe that there are 3 factors deciding which caste a person is fitted to be - the caste he or she was born into, the environmental forces that has shaped him or her during the growing up period and perhaps the present situation...I don't know. So it can be that someone who is born a Brahmin, like a cousin of mine, might be living the life of a non-Brahmin (my cousin unfortunately lost both his parents at a tender age and had to survive with whatever options he had, like eating non-veg, drinking liquor etc. I don't mean to say that someone who is eating meat or drinking cannot be have Brahmin's nature. He or she can but it will not be full. There is nothing wrong in eating meat if you are a Ksattriya and need to defend yourself physically. Or drink a peg of wine for health reasons or otherwise weekly or monthly as long as you don't go overboard. I'm really not trying to be apologetic or supportive of the caste system. The caste system has it's pluses and minuses. It is amazing for me to see how the power hierarchy was kept in balance so that no caste really dominated. The Brahmana is respected the most but the rule of law is not his o her hands - it is the domain of the Ksattriya. And a Ksattriya knows that all of his or her power cannot stand before the non-violent strength of a Brahmana. When I say Brahmana or Ksattriya, I'm talking about those in the old times who lived up to their ideals - not the pseudo-ones these days. But even in the old days, there were pseudo-ones and caste fights were ubiquitous. The point is...it's not what caste that one is which matters but how true one is towards his or her responsibilities that matters. Someone like the musician Ilayaraja, born as a Non-Brahmin, is a maestro who can make any Carnatic Brahmin musician to eat the humble pie. Again, I'm not equating greatness of the soul with talent. Ilayaraja might very will be a scoundrel in real life (I once heard that his wife ran away with some other guy) but he shows the intellectual capacity of a Brahmin. On the other hand, as I mentioned earlier, my cousin is a Brahmin and while he has a good heart, he doesn't really show any intellect. And intellect, physical strength etc. doesn't really matter as long as one has good integrity. Dharma might be different for the different castes but it is his or her own Dharma that really saves someone.
After 11 days, I don't think I will be taking time to explain why it is alright for a Brahmin to do the work of a Brahmin. The unfortunate lengthy explanation of the previous paragraph is one such instance of the side-effects of taking the tablet.
