My head is slightly aching. It's not exactly a pain but a small heaviness that has come from sinking deeper and deeper into the recesses of my mind.
Sometimes my mind has a black out. In my brain, there is an area that is blind. It has come from the shock of not able to understand the rejection.
What can I say? Okay...I will speak from my heart as much as I can.
I do not think that I'm a special case. I know that the joys, sadness, fears, challenges, victories, defeats etc. I face are faced by everyone. It's difficult for me to write itself because I feel crippled. If you ask me what I want, I will say that I want to be carried happily by life.
Things can get only better.
I'm taking break at the park to be detached atleast some time from the world.
I go to counseling to have mental health. Gita asks one to go to a wise one, pay respects, ask questions and do service. The respect I give is a 'good afternoon' wish on meeting him. As Jiddu Krishnamoorthy said, it's not enough to forget the issues. Each drawer and cupboard in the mind has to be opened and examined to be rid of the skeletons in it. A Guru is like the torchlight to burst the scary skeletons. My service is in the form of paying the fees.
I read 1 chapter of the Sundara Kandam from Ramayana to have emotional well-being. There are many interpretations of the supposed benefits of it. one is that the return of Sita back to Rama is likened to the return of the soul to God. There is one more reason. To love everyone, it's enough if one starts with loving a single one.
I volunteer daily for 1 hour on some online job after saying 'Krishna Unakke Preethi'. Doing any karma (action) gives a phalam (fruit) and a vasana (scent). If one got only the fruit for teh action, one will be have to perpetually put effort to get the needs satisfied. The scent makes the effort become effortless progressively. This is a way to get into the habit of doing things where the benefits reach the deserving ones.
I listen to the Vishnu Sahasranama to change my consciousness for the better. The names are like seeds dropped on the ground. While the present circumstances might not be strong enough to bring it to manifestation, if the seeds are watered repeatedly, someday when there is an environment conducive to germination, it will definitely manifest in the consciousness as the reality.
I say the Dvayam mantra (trying not to repeat it again and again) to merge into God. It's like a fish jumping back into the ocean. It can be the most frightening and the most exciting. It means not thinking about life but living. It's the Praveshum stage of the triad of Jnaatum, Drashtum and Praveshum. For example, a non-American might know a lot of things about America from books and be wanting to go there. Till he or she is there on the flight, it is the Jnaatum stage. When he or she gets down into the airport lounge, he or she can already see a lot of American way of life. This is the Drashtum stage. When he or she finally walks out into the country, he or she can experience the country. This is the Praveshum stage. It's the same way with life.
BTW, I don't think I have Schizophrenia. It looks like Bipolar Disorder with accompanying Paranoid Psychosis to me. Atleast that's what I beleive my medicine is for.
Sometimes my mind has a black out. In my brain, there is an area that is blind. It has come from the shock of not able to understand the rejection.
What can I say? Okay...I will speak from my heart as much as I can.
I do not think that I'm a special case. I know that the joys, sadness, fears, challenges, victories, defeats etc. I face are faced by everyone. It's difficult for me to write itself because I feel crippled. If you ask me what I want, I will say that I want to be carried happily by life.
Things can get only better.
I'm taking break at the park to be detached atleast some time from the world.
I go to counseling to have mental health. Gita asks one to go to a wise one, pay respects, ask questions and do service. The respect I give is a 'good afternoon' wish on meeting him. As Jiddu Krishnamoorthy said, it's not enough to forget the issues. Each drawer and cupboard in the mind has to be opened and examined to be rid of the skeletons in it. A Guru is like the torchlight to burst the scary skeletons. My service is in the form of paying the fees.
I read 1 chapter of the Sundara Kandam from Ramayana to have emotional well-being. There are many interpretations of the supposed benefits of it. one is that the return of Sita back to Rama is likened to the return of the soul to God. There is one more reason. To love everyone, it's enough if one starts with loving a single one.
I volunteer daily for 1 hour on some online job after saying 'Krishna Unakke Preethi'. Doing any karma (action) gives a phalam (fruit) and a vasana (scent). If one got only the fruit for teh action, one will be have to perpetually put effort to get the needs satisfied. The scent makes the effort become effortless progressively. This is a way to get into the habit of doing things where the benefits reach the deserving ones.
I listen to the Vishnu Sahasranama to change my consciousness for the better. The names are like seeds dropped on the ground. While the present circumstances might not be strong enough to bring it to manifestation, if the seeds are watered repeatedly, someday when there is an environment conducive to germination, it will definitely manifest in the consciousness as the reality.
I say the Dvayam mantra (trying not to repeat it again and again) to merge into God. It's like a fish jumping back into the ocean. It can be the most frightening and the most exciting. It means not thinking about life but living. It's the Praveshum stage of the triad of Jnaatum, Drashtum and Praveshum. For example, a non-American might know a lot of things about America from books and be wanting to go there. Till he or she is there on the flight, it is the Jnaatum stage. When he or she gets down into the airport lounge, he or she can already see a lot of American way of life. This is the Drashtum stage. When he or she finally walks out into the country, he or she can experience the country. This is the Praveshum stage. It's the same way with life.
BTW, I don't think I have Schizophrenia. It looks like Bipolar Disorder with accompanying Paranoid Psychosis to me. Atleast that's what I beleive my medicine is for.
