Hi...

I have a lot to tell (assuming someone wants to hear it). But, I have gone back into my tortoise shell for now.

I want to tell about 2 things.

I have stopped visiting facebook because I was again getting those psychotic thoughts. I may never again go there. I don't know. In the Narada Bhakti Sutras, it is said that the effects of evil company starts as ripples and then become as large as the ocean. Facebook is quite clean...atleast that's what I believe the majority attempt to make it to be. And like germs in our body, it is practically impossible to get rid of all evil company. It's only when the concentration exceeds some limit that one has to be quarantined. And that is what I have done...I have quarantined myself till I become completely immune to those. It is also said that a seed, if  burnt thoroughly, cannot give raise to a tree. So, I'm not going back to facebook till I'm thoroughly burnt of bad past karma. When such a thing happens to someone, what malicious do will bounce over or they will themselves get burnt, like a meteor near a star.

Am I being selfish, thinking only about my good? You may ask...what right do I have to decide how open or closed my social network should be. My belief is that only when I'm 100% alright can I truly love people. And for being alright, I need to be alone to sort out my life.

The 2nd thing I want to say is about my romantic love life. I was (maybe I'm still) interested in a girl on the old forum whom I saw many years ago at a temple over here. I guess one nasty person and another rich gal hijacked her identity. Later I did get to be a friend but being foolish and in a mess and ofcourse, not right in the head, I disengaged the friendship. And, it looks to me as if she is interested in me as well. If I was like how I was back in my teens, nothing would have made me more happier. But, I'm not that Arvy. I'm Arvind, more mature and it is a challenge for me to synchronize the romantic part of me with the humane part of me. I have seen life at it's worst and so I know that it is not a bed of roses. While I do love fairy tales, I really don't know if life can become a fairy tale that ends well. In my younger years, I would have immediately set-off like Don-Quixote for romance but now, I'm an old horse too tired to get up to do everyday tasks. Back then, I told Archana that I will fight the whole world if I have to (from my arrogant belief in my capacities). Today, I concur more with the Hindi movie Dilwale Duniya Le Jaayenge, if at all it is possible. So as the DOS command goes, would you like to Abort, Cancel or Retry?

What taking refuge at the Lord's feet actually means

In some mantras like Dvaya mantra and also in some photos, one is shown God's feet as a place to take refuge at. It hurts people's ego to bow down (including mine). If treating another as an equal itself is difficult in this world, what about bowing down? I want to share a meaning of it which removes a warped idea of what it means. I will also be using only an allegory but this atleast may be perceived as less threatening to the ego.

God is a limitless ocean of love. People suffer because they have come out of the ocean, like fishes that have jumped out into the land. I have seen in TV in the Discovery channel or National Geographic channel that some whales do come out to the land like this and struggle to get back in. Atleast for those fishes, they are near the shore but we humans have come out far outside. Anyway, what is the maximum that the fish can do to get back in? It can just hip hop or crawl to the shoreline and expect that the wave will take it back deep inside into the ocean. What is the feet of God? It is the shoreline. What is God's arms, face etc.? It's said that no one can ever know those things because those are deep inside the ocean. Can anyone really measure infinity? The only thing accessible to humans in this world is God's feet i.e. the shoreline that separates the spiritual life from the material life.

Mam, pleased to be of assistance. The entrance is the other way.

I think there is a nice temple of Maha Lakshmi in Mumbai. But I have never been there. I don't know if there are many popular temples devoted to Her.

One nice temple is the Ashta Lakshmi temple. It oversees the sea, has 8 Lakshmis (that's why the name 'Ashta') and is located in a posh area (She can surely afford it). The downside is that it is not ancient enough, the area is not well-maintained and many priests believe that it is their birth-right to be rich.

There is a reason why devotees come around a temple in the clockwise direction. It's to convey a message that the universe has a harmonious way in everything...imagine if people came about in opposite directions and kept blocking each other. In certain things one does clockwise and in certain other things one does anti-clockwise.

It isn't enough to come only with a retinue. Foreigners need to read a few basic instructions on the local customs. The young comes in nice attire but the older ones are too much caught up in abstract concepts. Comeon...if you believe it is your temple, atleast take the time to bring along a guide rather than jump in like diving into a swimming pool. Don't ask me why I didn't offer to be a guide. I may talk big things over here but sometimes I'm a chicken. I was even bold with Archana only after she showed some interest in me. I had to ask Logan to do the initial proposal on my behalf. And before that with Lakshmi...I used to sink inside myself when she came before me. I think I must have been the only guy to have proposed without uttering a word twice and failed both times. :-(

Retreat

I have got a simple checklist for retreating into my self. This is important to be rooted or grounded or be refuged in my own base. Retreating is a surrendering process. It is centripetal in nature while Yoga is centrifugal. Retreating is internalized while Yoga is externalized. In retreating, one mixes with the immanent aspect of God while in Yoga, one unites with the transcendent aspect of God.

I have coined an acronym for the steps or checklist. - ADHD.

Actually ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, which I believe I had (and perhaps still have). ADHD is when someone cannot concentrate much on a single for a long period of time. I show symptoms of the disorder but I guess I can label myself as having all the disorders under mental health. Anyway here's the acronym...

1. A - Admit that it's time to retreat (whenever drawn to the current of  unnecessary tasks, interests, aspects etc. of life)
2. D - (remove all) Distractions or Don't get Distracted. (i.e. have an undisturbed or peaceful environment or atmosphere.)
3. H - Hide from others (This is solitude where there is just some mode of emergency communication)
4. D - Do nothing (if you are a lazy bum like me, you will love this. Actually, it means not doing any activity that requires focus, effort etc. Not what one will do even while loafing, like scratching the back. :))

All the above can be done before one takes the retreat (like placing a 'Do Not Disturb' board on the door outside). Infact, it is better if when one retreats, it can be set up once and not be bothered any more....like saying 'enough', stopping all current activities and driving off to a secluded spot.

There will be discomfort initially which will later turn into comfort. It's just not easy to sit and do nothing when one's world seems to be breaking apart. There may be burning sensations from stress, bad habits etc. One starts slowly being aware of little things in the present moment. Again, these little things seem trivial or uninteresting or not easily perceptible when compared to the big things in life. But the good thing is that this practise will create a void or emptiness like a fallow land in which the tree of happiness can be cultivated and grown. Also, it will decelerate any unnecessary extra momentum of a neurotic or workaholic.

B & B

I thought I should devote a post to my 2 great blog followers.

I like pulling BDC's leg occasionally (maybe because I cannot pull her skirt). Has a silent beauty about her. Fiercely loyal to her young. Has a good night vision and in the jungle she lives in, it is a necessity. Daytime is okay because the other creatures don't like to mess up with her, except ofcourse those who don't understand her image, like a spider and then she has to be careful. Perhaps behind her mask is the Solitary Reaper of William Wordsworth.

If BDC is beautiful on the inside, BT is beautiful. I have never seen someone talk more openly (ofcourse I also talk openly but I have the alibi of labeling myself as mentally unwell). I pray to God to give her peace of mind (and perhaps some cash too. She has or can easily get the other things).

Thanks B & B.

Converting the melancholy of loneliness into the joy of solitude

People are alone most of the times. I don't know the exact percentage but I think it's around 99% of the times. Even when we are among friends chatting, we are really not there sometimes. So what to do about it? Separation is a big misery but so also is mindless useless interactions that takes one nowhere nor lets one appreciate the finer nuances of life. I believe that the key to happiness in solitude is to engage or involve oneself in social activities while still aloof. For example, the father of the bride is the key person in the success of the marriage ceremony (ofcourse, excluding the bride). If one notices really successful marriage ceremonies, the father does most of the arrangements and work, chatting here and there every now and then with the guests. But he also gets a lot of satisfaction seeing, hearing, smelling etc. from a distance the different things that are all happening in the marriage hall. If however, the father had either involved himself in some activity of his own, he will be lonely even in such a large gathering and if he sits along with all the guests and keeps on chatting, the ceremony will go bad. My father died peacefully and happily after making my sister's marriage ceremony a grand success. All through the wedding, I just met him only once while playing a game of cards with relatives (which he won).

50% (or maybe even 100%) of my warped thoughts got unentangled today

I have understood how my relationship with my ex girl friend had got wrong. So, now I know how I can prevent a future relationship with another girl from going wrong.

While it is embarrassing for me to write this publicly, I will go ahead since this is a very interesting and useful find someone can use.

I think my relationship deteriorated after I started masturbating. There are 2 issues to be answered when one fantasizes on one's girl friend or someone else. It's attention and affection.

1. If one masturbates thinking on someone other than one's own girl friend (or boy friend), one is taking attention away from her. Relationships, like many other things, grows with time spent on it.

2. Assuming one doesn't masturbate thinking on someone else but instead on one's own girl friend (or boy friend), one then doesn't really share affection because this is a one-person act. There is no point in sending a card or a hello on the phone because the hormones have left the body already to bring in the romance.

In my case, I 'discovered' masturbation oneday. I even made a joke to my friend that life has many surprises and like masturbation, one can find another revelation (which thankfully is true to me now as I live like a reborn). People and doctors will ofcourse keep debating on this and maybe there is room for debate if one doesn't want a single person romantic love relationship or even much interested in one.

This is not just a matter of romantic love relationship but is also a matter of the propriety of fantasizing on a third person. The third person or her or his partner might resent it. So when one does this, one is sowing seeds of sexual rivalry, jealousy etc. Free sex is something debatable. Just as no woman or man was heard to have complained about Rama's advances, no one seems to have complained of Krishna's acts. Maybe history or Hinduism is biased but in my opinion, it's a balance of quality, quantity and type. Rama had a wife who was solely and romantically devoted to Him and vice versa but Krishna had many with whom the romance was masked by spirituality and vice versa. I guess in this world, there is no one who is fully Rama or Krishna but everyone has some percentage of the 2 extremes. The same logic applies to females too. But then, Krishna came later than Rama. When Krishna came, the age was a lot worse or nasty or base than Rama's time. And today, it's perhaps at the all-time worst what with all sexual deviancies. But it is also said that one has to live like Rama and live as Krishna advised us to....which means...more of devotion to a single person and less of sensual wanderings.

There are no right or wrong answers

I love tests where there are no right or wrong answers.

When there is no expectation, one can be one's natural self instead of trying to put on a mask and giving the answer that's supposed to be right.

Actually, there is a bit of rightness or wrongness even in some of these tests, for example, when one willingly tries to go for an self-examination to improvise on the weaknesses.