Under Siege!!!

Since the time I entered the black hole, it is inevitable that I will be under siege.

How much is the siege?

For starters, since the time I had bipolar, sometimes I can be very brilliant and sometimes very retarded.

There was this incident in my childhood. I was staying behind a minister's house. One-day, i wanted to feel important. So I came back home and lied to my parents that a few strangers asked me some odd questions, implying some kind of kidnapping. My uncle called over the minister and the minister told him not to worry. The next day, as I walked down the street to the bus stand, I wondered if any 'bodyguards' were there following me. To my sad disappointment, none seemed to be there. But still, with eloquence I told the story to my friends.

Now also, I have my own set of pet theories. I can see funny happenings in my computer, internet, electricity, mobile-phone etc.

But the question is, does it matter?

There are 2 things I want to say.

As my counselor said, only a powerless man will want external sources of power. I read once in a magazine on how the ministers in India prided themselves in the number of black-cats allotted to protect them. But this is a false sense of importance. Those black-cats will be allotted to some other person after 5 years. Someone who accepts himself or herself the way he or she is, is more powerful than these ministers. Actually, the true measure of anyone is in how he or she responds to, initiates, develops and finally comes out after 'being left in the dark'.

I do not interfere with my captors nor do they (my captives? :-)) interfere with me.

Separation from Pravda is as bad as separation from Archana. While Archana separated from me, I separated from Pravda. This is life. No-one can really question. As Kannadasan wrote in a song, 

பாதை எல்லாம் மாறி வரும் பயணம் முடிந்து விடும். மாறுவதை புரிந்து கொண்டால் மயக்கம் தெளிந்து விடும்.

Paths will all keep changing and the journey will end. If the change is understood, the dizziness will be clarified.