So...

What did you want to do with me? Arrest me? Or send someone after me? Or...excuse me, I'm not so bright to think of other reasons but there could well be many.

Thanks m friend, for not wanting to act against an unarmed person.

That brings the question. . .was I really unarmed?

Okay, I will explain to you. I don't even read the Bhagavad Gita these days. I also don't take up violence consciously. Try to understand this well...what objective that violence achieves for the Kshattriya, non-violence achieves for the Brahmana. This is more of a responsibility than a strategy. Just as waging a righteous war is the purpose of a Kshattriya, achieving peace is the purpose of a Brahmana. You can hate me like my cousin, who says, 'I can't stand to look at him.' but since Aarjavam or being straight-forward is also a duty of a Brahmana, I have to say this.

Buddy, I really don't consider you as my enemy. I don't say this from a holier than thou attitude but because, like everyone, I'm supposed to love everyone. Seriously, I don't give a damn to anything in this life but I have to move on with life.

You don't need to like me. You don't need to love me. You are free to hate me. You are free to be happy.

Hi

Do not make it worser than what it already is.

I will never back-track.

Don't make it impossible for me to help you.

You are welcome to go to hell if you think I say this with arrogance.

If I make a wrong these days, I don't turn around - I just expect to experience the pain of one more negative karma. I have done a lot of correcting myself and I'm now too too tired to keep track of my mistakes. You cannot keep analysing after a point - the return on investment doesn't justify it. I have got the major part of my life course figured out and it's enough to get me across with some bruises here and there, every now and then.

My bro-in-law finds India bad. He complains about the dirt, the poor traffic regulations, the people doing business on pavements etc. What he wouldn't want to acknowledge is that India is feeding him now. He couldn't get a job in US for almost a year and once he came here, he got into a nice job thanks to a recommendation. I wonder why he doesn't complain about people getting jobs through recommendation in India while it is difficult in America. Ofcourse, Americans do corruption at a larger scale and white-collar service and executive jobs are more transparent. I crudely predict that he will get kicked out from his job in 6 months. He is at the height of first-time material success and that is when the hardest blow comes.

It has come for my sister. My sister and me are buddies now, atleast 50%. It has come after her hubby went to see a lawyer. And I was the messenger who has kept my bro-in-law from imagining that he can do whatever he pleases and did some counselling to my sister. My sister, for her part, has accepted me with some effort, who once threatenned her. The funny thing is, my bro-in-law is now where my sister was a year back. Occasionally, it is pleasing to see how people rise-fall-rise as expected and occasionally, it is frustrating to see dimwits walking around me with pomp and show. I was a dimwit once. When I feel all anger and hatred swell up inside me, I repeat inside myself 'Rama' to forgive, or atleast, forget those who offend me. I also repeat it as much as possible for future needs.  Personally, when it comes to devotion, Ramayana suites me more than Shrimadh Bhagavatham. Rama is as cool as moon and that is why he is called Rama-Chandra. I have got the air-conditioner sending cool air and my lips saying 'Rama Rama Rama...' as I go to ZZZ...

Allow me to volunteer

I don't intend to make money out of volunteering. I also intend to use my software knowledge for the sole purpose of helping out those who cannot help themselves. Please don't let me use it for creating a big headache for you. I hope you have enough honour in you to accept this. Thanks.

To OWS

If the OWS want a result like in Libya or India (I don't mean deposing the leader or putting the corrupt in Jail but get whatever good change that they need), they have to realize that they are not going to get help from the media like the internet, telecom or satellites because these are controlled by those who don't want the change. They also have to realize one more thing.

The time they spend protesting isn't productive time. They can also be crippled financially by those in power. It might be a small issue to sell a car or a poperty initially, but soon there will be nothing more to sell except oneself, which is something best avoided.

I think it would be a good idea if the OWS protesters rope in and collaborate with the NGOs. The problem today is job creation and proper wages. If the government isn't capable of doing it, OWS protesters can do it with the help of NGOs. NGOs are well organised in the western world and OWS has got some base by now. While a NGO is thought of as a well-off person helping out the not so well-off, the OWS protesters can create something that is in-between the corporate greed and the NGO philanthropy and thus make their lives viable while they are bringing about the change. The Government will then give them the serious attention that they deserve.

I want to reiterate that protesting, while useful, has its' limitations since it is bordering on hate. Better than pulling down the rich, corrupt or otherwise, is to rise up to them and make them take note of oneself.

To whomsoever it may concern

You are welcome to my club.

On American troops lining up on Pakistan tribal region

I think it's a bad idea for Americans to engage militants inside Pakistan.

I don't doubt that a section of Pakistani eastablishment is aiding the militants. There was the Khalistan terrorist movement in Punjab which got finance from America based Sikhs. When that didn't dismember India, Pakistan started the Kashmir terrorism. What Pakistan is reaping today in terms of violence and instability is what it sowed back then. I do not enjoy Pakistan's discomfiture and neither do a majority of Indians.

Pakistan alone can untie the knot that she has created. It's dangerous and insolent behaviour for other countries to interfere in her internal affairs. The Pakistani Army General's statement that Pakistan is a nuclear country cannot be discounted but not for his belligerant reasons. Pakistan can hardly hit back at America now and she can't morally target India for what Americans are doing. The critical point to note is that today there is atleast a section of the Pakistani people who are willing to address the terrorism issue. If they get engaged in another front, they cannot safeguard the nukes or stop militants from entering Kashmir with impunity.

Pakistan has for all purposes fallen into the hands of the Chinese, which isn't good for India or America. Pakistan doesn't need American aid anymore - Americans cannot afford it these days while Chinese have a cash surplus. While America can say that they don't need Pakistani help any more since militancy has largely been eliminated, if Americans get entangled inside Pakistan, they will lose all the gains they have got till now in Afghanistan. The militants will simply have free and equal access in Afghanistan and Pakistan.

It's more important for India than America since India has to live with the aftermath of any war as compared to America which can get back temporarily to another continent. I want to forewarn Indians about one issue. Just like a Khalistan terrorism, when it failed, transformed into a well-organized Kashmiri terrorism, Kashmiri terrorism can transform into a well-organized Maoist terrorism unless it is checked as soon as possible. It is vital to break any Kashmiri-Maoist nexus. Kashmiri terrorism is almost dead but those who want to break India won't keep idle for long - they will look for a new opening. The opening most likely to be is the North-Eastern Indian states - there are every indications for the growth of well-organised terrorism there. If Indians today alienate Pakistan, they can be rest assured that all the know-how, resources etc. of the declining Kashmiri terrorists will be passed on to the Maoists. I'm not against China - I'm merely stating an observation as a concerned Indian citizen. If the good and friendly people in Pakistan are not acknowledged and supported, they cannot help India in any way. A safe and secure Pakistan is always in the best interests of India.

My life, from Astrology

I wasn't a believer in Astrology till recently. I believe our lives are influenced by time brought about by the different arrangement of the constellations.

Some time back, I wrote that I would die soon. I have got a better understanding now.

I will live till I'm 72 years old. I will be active till I'm 54 years old. When my birthday comes in a couple of months, I will be completing 50% of my life journey. What is my age now?

(The question in the previous paragraph is supposed to be a funny reproduction of school maths question.)

I spent my first 18 years as a carefree child. I had the best time of my life when I was 17 and a 1/2 years old. The next 18 years of Depression has been horrible, to put it mildly. However, I have beeen having the greatest development these months, just as 18 years back. I'm making hay while the sun shines since I know that the favourable conditions wouldn't last long - it's going to change after 2 months. But it wouldn't matter since as I said earlier, I would have made the hay by then. I will be working sincerely for another 18 years and then it will be retirement. The challenge for me these 18 years will be to work spiritedly and fulfil my responsibilities inspite of ageing. When I reach 54, the challenge will be in coming to terms with leaving the world. I'm making plans for my life accordingly. Already, I have got a tip in the morning news paper for ageing - eat fruits. :D

Some of you people will die before my time, some about my time and some will outlive me. Being fore-warned is being fore-armed. If you are a friend of me, I would like you to take this as a serious note since I believe this to be 100% true.

Thank you

A hunter was being chased by a tiger. He found a tree nearby with an ape/bear on it. The ape/bear accomodated him knowing the danger he was in. When it became dark and the ape/bear was asleep, the tiger said to the hunter, "Push down the ape/bear. I will eat it instead and leave you alone. The hunter pushed down the ape/bear. When the ape/bear fell on the ground, the tiger said to it, "Look how ungrateful the hunter is. Climb up and push him down". The smart ape/bear agreed and climbed up. As it climbed up, the hunter who witnessed what happened below, began to perspire. When the ape/bear had safely climbed up, it told the hunter, "Don't worry. I will not push you down. You are my guest." The night and the tiger passed away.

When I heard that Archana was being forced against her will to marry someone else and that she wasn't sure of my love for her, I wrote "I need you, Archana" in my blood. My friend, Rakesh Ranjan, had suggested to me not to cut myself since he can bring blood from a chicken shop. When I wrote it, I somewhat felt that I was going to the extent of begging her. She proved it, when, as I called long-distance phone calls from Pune to Chennai with the little money that I had, by keeping down the receiver just like her parents did to my calls. I was thinking that she was on my side while she knew her priority.

Today, I can reasonably claim that I'm out of depression. Somewhere along these 14 years, I experienced unconditional love. For all the attention that the Pravda forum gave me, I reported that some undesirable elements were there to the police. I think I did it after some bomb blast. I haven't visited the forum for around 2 years and I don't intend to. They have got a Facebook page and I will be in touch through that. And ofcourse, there are some friends from Pravda already in my Facebook friend list. I don't know if my reporting the website could have got the forum black-listed or black-marked.

Today I achieved whatever I set out to do in the morning. Yes, I'm not yet earning but that will change soon. I might not be earning a lot but it will be enough to live decently. I don't have any physcal, mental, emotional or spiritual malady. Ofcourse, there are a lot of adjustments to be done but I'm okay enough now. I don't want to regret anything. I'm looking forward to the times ahead.

AIR

AIR is an acronym for America, India and Russia.

I believe that how AIR is i.e. how America, India and Russia deal with each other, is important in the near future. When there is balance and harmony within AIR, there will be a corresponding effect in the world and vice versa. It will also do a great deal of good to the 3 countries if they come together.

Statisticians can bring about a lot of interesting facts about what the 3 countries, if and when they come together, can add upto. Like how it was calculated for BRIC or BRICS. More than that, it will be coming together of ideas from the right, the middle and the left,like Capitalism, Socialism and Communism. Yes, I know that Communism is not the ruling party in Russia but Communism is to Russia what Buddhism is to India - both getting kicked out but never forgotten.

Now, I really don't like much the idea of groups getting formed in the world at the expense of the UN. It's also not my intention to sneak India between two super powers.

Let's see some reasons why the coming together of the 3 will benefit each of them. America and Russia are both descending in their power stature in the world - America because of the downgrading of it's economic status and Russia for not having a stable democratic political system after the collapse of the Soviet Union. India is ascending in living conditions but when a survey suggests that most Indians regard the winning of the Cricket World Cup as the achievement of the decade, one starts wondering. I believe that since Independence, India has achieved 50% of her potential. Today, we have quite enough money but still our cities, towns and villages are mismanaged. It's possible that India can call herself a super power in 2020.

AIR is not just a convenience but is a necessity for these 3. Steve Jobs has said that a Thomas Edison has done more to the world than Karl Mark or Neem Karoli Baba. Leaving aside idealogical warfare, suppose Edison, Marx and Baba come together to find a solution - wouldn't that just be fantastic?

The good thing for them is that they don't have big internal or external stumbling blocks though there will be minor irritants. The political AIR is as important to the world as the air is to the body. But just as too much air can cause harm to the body, too much importance given to AIR isn't good either. Ultimately, the General Assembly, not even the Security Council, in the UN should be able to call all the shots.

But if you ask me, while I believe that AIR is good enough in the immediate future, a Black African country joining the club will complete it in a lot of ways. By 'complete', I don't mean it in terms of importance but in terms of representation - if an alien asks for a sample, AIR plus a Black African country will give an idea what earth is all about. The sad thing is that presently there doesn't seem to be any one Black African country taking the initiative - this will change after 10 - 50 years.

This is perhaps the last post I will be making from the side-effects of a prescribed drug. Today is the last day I'm taking the psychiatric drug. These days, if and when I get some psychotic thoughts, I repeat a nice affirmation on grace to get back to normalcy.

I invite you to join me tomorrow in this blog since it will be when I'm supposed to be right in the head and without the side-effects of the drug. It is a big milestone for me and a moment for celebration.

The Pursuit of Happyness

Idea

What Idea???

Idea is. . .

I - Idea
d - delete
e - edit
a - add

And what is it supposed to mean?

It's an acronym I use for my work.

Now, Arv. . .pleazzzzz, no more acronyms???

Incidentally, it makes good sense and is beautiful.

You can use it for many things. . .design, development, problem-solving etc.

This is a few things that I associate with it.

The 'I' is capitalized, which means it's got a special status from the other three. Ofcourse, being the first term, it also gets to be attended to first.

Suppose you have got an Idea. Great. Now, in the Idea, there can be some undesirable elements - these you element by 'd' i.e. delete. Next, there can be certain things that you would like to modify i.e. edit. Finally, you can 'add' and this completes one iteration.

The special status for 'I' in 'Idea' is in the sense that you can delete or edit or add things but the Idea remains the same - kind of like the body can change but the soul remains the same. Idea is complete in itself - it's a recursive acronym, like PHP.

The order of the term is quite important. Call it Serendipity that it came like that. Everything starts with an Idea. Now, it's better to first delete the unwanted than add the useful items if you consider Idea as a container that's to be filled. It's easier to knock off the unwanted i.e. delete than examine something i.e. edit. It's also easier to edit what is present already than go fetch something to add.

'I' comes from intuition while 'd-e-a' comes from rationality. They are the Yin-Yang and right-brain -- left-brain. And the cyclic order of I-d-e-a is the 'Tao'.

One can also associate this with Hindu Trinity. 'I' is like 'Para-Brahman' and 'd-e-a' are like 'Shiva-Vishnu-Brahma'.

For design, one can take the I as a template or prototype from which one deletes, edits and adds items. For agile programming, one can say the 'I' as creating the first core product. For writing, 'I' can ofcourse be an idea from which one can later delete 'ego', edit for entertainment and add (action, description and dialogue - ADD)

4 more nights to go before I will be drugless.

Where does all this leave me? I'm wondering if I should do website design and development using this or write the novel professionally. Ican presently work nicely, with minor hiccups, for 1 session of 45 mins to 1 hour. I don't know how balanced my mind will be if I work for 6 hours like this, with psychotic thoughts of hackers. I guess I'm grossly over-estimating my problems. Anyway, I will be working for 1 session like this. Writing novel isn't easy either and it's difficult to explain to my mom that I'm working when I keep looking out through the window (quote used from elsewhere).

It will be one of the two. Let's see.

The cost of being straight-forward

It's not as if I get a sadistic element of joy from speaking my mind negatively. Speaking the mind in a negative way is a sure-fire way of losing friends and winning new ones (only to lose them also).

It's not as if I don't value any friendship high enough not to worry losing it. I also don't support enemies of my friends in order to get their friendship. The way I treat another online is the way I treat my mom or sister or even myself.

Perhaps it is the way a brotherhood or sorority grows by first eliminating the bad ego. This is supposed to happen in some army. Even though I do it, I don't agree 100% with it. I will soon oneday stop it. There are 2 ways that one can live good - by fighting the evil and/or supporting the good. Fighting the evil is a lower form of goodness from which everyone has to graduate to the higher form of goodness by supporitng the good. Evil collapses and implodes under it's own weight when there is no support for or attention to it. The relief is that one wouldn't be reminded of one's own negativity since everything that happens out there is a reflection of some area, however small, within oneself. I can see that one of my FB friends is doing this.

Perhaps after 7 days when I would have stopped taking the anti-psychotic drug, I wouldn't be bitching any more :)

With only a 'dry mouth' (it's actually a physical ailment, not the 'bad mouth' I talked about now. . .lol), I'm inching towards being wealthy, even though my bank balance is only Rs.2000, since Health is Wealth.

Thums Up to Germany and Europa

Nice to find that Germany is rescuing Greece and Co. from the recession. Shows that Germany is really interested in European Union rather than in NATO expansion. Sarkozy and Brown can take humanistic and political lessons from Merkel. Greece has given a lot to the world and deserves a bailout from those who can help.



To my Nemesis

The wonders of 3G

SMSReject

A cute and silly girl

I didn't delete RB because I didn't want her as a friend. While she was at best acting like an amateur, she was being used by another, a fried chicken, as a tool.

The high point of my interaction with her was in scrubbing soap on her in a FB game. :D


I bless her all the best in life.

Only 2 slots available to be filled on my FB friend list

Atleast, that's what I care to add.

I would like to have beli from the old forum - he was the only one who never made it obvious that I was a jerk. The other one is a psych who I wish to marry to save doc fees when I go tablet-less after some time.

:-)

Made for each other?

 

When a hard-working man with bank balance openly posts that he wants to marry and a lovely woman responds with interest, you can only hope and wish that they are made for each other. Especially, if the man doesn't mind admitting honestly and frankly his sex history and the woman is a lady. When you desire something utterly from the heart, the universe conspires to bring it into a reality, according to Paulo Coelho.

அழகான மனைவி, அன்பான துணைவி அமைந்தாலே பேரின்பமே

If a beautiful wife and a loving companion happens, what a great joy it is.

(from the song "Kalyana Malai" from "Pudhu Pudu Arthangal")

I thought Archana was one for me. Not all guys need to be as unlucky as me.

Russia heading towards the Third-World

I don't mean a visit by the Russian President to some Asian or African country. Heard about America losing the AAA status? Looks like Russia is losing it's 2nd world status and fast becoming a third-world country.

When a country relies on 1 man, you are going to get a country good in only 1 area. And when that 1 man gets sick, the country is going to be good for nothing. That's where Russia is heading now, unless ofcourse providence changes course.

I like Russia. I also believe that every Indian is indebted to the Soviet Union for the nuclear cover it got against the West during the cold war. Ofcourse, other countries are indebted to India for her spirituality and some other things. When I say something about Russia, I say it as someone from a good and trusted country.

I'm not against Putin getting elected by his party - it's up to the party members how they can still elect someone who threatened to walk away by flouting a new party. But when the ruling party beats up the opposition and even doesn't allow it to contest in elections, it's certainly a return back to the dark ages for Russia. Contrast this with India, where there is even a public backing for a non-political opposition by Anna Hazare - this is real democracy at work and a sign of progress.

And I don't believe that the Caeser has got a genuine backing from his lieutenants - some would have supported him not because they believe that he is capable but because they are the next-in-line after the king's time is over.

As for the Russian women, from the fairy tale angels that they were once, they became mail-order brides yesterday and now have become strip-tease artists for the alpha-dog.

The cold-blooded vegetarian pet

Iguana

Welcome to my club

Was your girl-friend just raped before your eyes and you couldn't do anything because a few friends of the rapist held you down? Welcome to my club.

Do you believe in your hearts o hearts that you are Jesus H. Christ (or atleast as much closeness that the Bible allows) but no one wants to take sermons from you on a mount? Welcome to my club.

Have you done a wrong thing which you cannot even confess to the Church father? Welcome to my club.

Do you think that the world is fair and you are not? Welcome to my club.

Do you think that the world is not fair but you are? Welcome to my club.

Do you want to forget all the above nonsense? Welcome to my club.

Do you like my nonsense better than my sense? Welcome to my club.

The easiest way for me to become unproductive, get more psychotic and. . .

. . .lose all the gains I have made till now is to join the Facebook Pravda.

Still. . .

. . .I like Pravda and I think I will likely some time later join them.

I'm already in touch with some of them and so it's not some unholy alliance. But I don't know what the legal department will think. . .why have you reported that there are undesirable elements there and still go to bed with them? Perhaps it will be like the way our maid works with us even after she was questioned by the police for mobile theft at our house.

Pravda's been good to me and I have been wanting to return back the favour. In fact, I even thought of dedicating a novel that I'm writing to Archana, Pravda and Anandh.

As I posted in the title, getting into the flame wars, political dirt and unnecessary social politeness is the sure-fire way to be a mediocre person and unemployed forever. Please don't mistake me. . .I don't want to sound like a prude to wish to belong to some elite club. But when people do nothing but exchange gossip all day long in a regular forum or Facebook group, the level of IQ, EQ and whatever else is going to be collectively 40-70%. It's alright when you think that anything above 40% is good enough to take one safely across life. But that's missing out 60-30% of real life.

I'm sorry for writing like a snob.

So, here's the unofficial 'Like' of the Facebook Pravda. If and when I'm perfectly alright mentally in a few week's time, I will be there.

To NATO: Back off!

???

Today I have proved that I'm so smart to prove that I'm smart. That's all. No other use. That makes me wonder if I'm intelligent. I look more like a drunk stupid bum. It's going to take just a sleep to forget the whole thing and what have I gained? Ah! yes. . .I have proved that I'm so smart to prove that I'm smart.

I'm not right in the head, yet

Sorry to disappoint you. Yesterday was the last day that I took Solian 50mg, an anti-psychotic tablet. Today, I will take Sulpitac 50mg. Compared to Solian, Sulpitac doesn't give a feverish or tranquilizing effect. Solian is not just an anti-psychotic but also a tranquilizer. So when I'm shifting over to Sulpitac, I'm doing it for just the smallest dosage of bare-bones anti-psychotic effect. I plan to take it for another 20-25 days.

The reason I'm not stopping, as planned, is this. I'm doing a practice to get rid of my psychosis. It's been going on for some 25 days now. I'm a firm believer that while it takes 21 days for any practice to become a habit, it takes around 40-48 days (1 Mandalam), for it to bring about the desirable change. So I just don't want to risk disturbing that process. My Psychiatrist told me, "Don't change anything when you are improving." In other words, I'm choosing to err on the safe side. Since Sulpitac is very mild as compared to Solian, this is still a great progress for me. But since I'm still taking a drug, I'm susceptible to behave just a wee-bit oddly - nothing disastrous.

To Obama - How to get over the risk of recession

With the threat of a recession, every tom, dick and harry potter is giving 'expert' advice to Obama. And so, why not me too?

Actually, this is a suggestion that I sincerely believe will help any country.

I haven't read exactly what Obama's plans are but 2 things caught my eye - that there were tax cuts and jobs created. I don't know any further detail than this.

My suggestion is this...along with the tax cut must come a mandatory 1 hour community service. Put another way, people can choose one of the two options - pay tax or do community service. I don't know if any government in the world is making the community service mandatory - there are only tax to be paid.

There is just 2 things in economy (excuse me, Nobel Laureates in Economics :D). Earning and spending. People can contribute by 2 ways - by service and by charity. If this is the case, why not give an option to the citizens to choose which way they want to contribute? To give you an example, I don't have money to pay taxes (My bank balance is Rs.2000 and I intend to keep it that way since I believe that money has meaning only when spent in useful ways, but that is another story). Just because I don't earn enough to pay taxes doesn't mean that I can go scot-free using all the services that the country gives me. Why should only the rich folks pay and not lazy bums?

According to the presented plan, where are you going to get the money to pay for the jobs created? You can't say it is a case of Robinhood stealing from the rich to give to the poor - there are too many honest, hard-working and rich Americans who deserve every penny or million they make while there are an equal number of poor people who are willing to work but don't know how. On an average, an American volunteers for 50 hours/year which comes out to be an hour a week. While Americans perhaps contribute the most in volunteering in NGOs compared to the rest of the world, the statistic can easily change from 1 hour / week to 1 hour / day (perhaps excluding weekends and holidays). There is one more great benefit out of this. The average Joe will start working for the good of everyone for the first time in his life and find that it is not bad after all - I'm one average Joe saying this. There are other benefits from volunteering like finding new friends, developing new skills etc.which you can read elsewhere on the net.

When Mahatma Gandhi asked Indians under Imperialism to boycott foreign clothes, he didn't just leave them naked - he brought in the Khadi handloom movement that employed the Indians who made their own clothes to be really independent.

Give an option to pay the taxes or do community service - some will choose the taxes while others will choose community service but in both the cases, the country made up of these same people will move in the right direction.

My work life - 3 session slots filled, 4 still unclear

There are 3 targets I want to reach in my work life based on employer needs satisfaction, time spent on work and my earning. Having a target is very important, otherwise one doesn't have a direction and also wouldn't know when to stop the struggle and go on cruise mode.

Actually, I'm not that good at executive functioning skills - depression had severely damaged my skills. First it was the depression and then later, focusing on spirituality didn't really help developing those skills directly - Shri Krishna didn't teach Arjuna how to shoot an arrow straight; He only taught how to keep the mind steady to keep the hands steady. Shri Krishna didn't teach it because it wasn't necessary to teach Arjuna something he already was a master of. While only a few people can claim to be the master in his or her area (Sachin Tendulkar for instance), the rest of us can still hope to glean some techniques from His advice even though it is not the correct way. The correct way is to approach the Gurus in the different areas and not come to Shri Krishna every-time like a kid coming to the mother when harassed by some bullies.

I have taken some IQ tests and also some tests that are dependent on IQ, which all indicates that I'm smarter than 60 - 75 % of the people. It's not bad but neither is it something to be exhilarated about - someone with a 80% IQ can consistently beat me don in Chess. But it doesn't matter since for all losers, there is always some compensation - if you don't have a high IQ you can have high EQ or a BQ (Beauty Quotient...don't waste time searching for it) etc.

What Shri Krishna gives is a wrapper which encapsulates the skill-sets that one has. I had once been a bright student and could make a good career for myself by getting good marks in school. Shri Krishna doesn't have to teach me that. But the depression had retarded and blunted my brain. Add to it a wrong interpretation that I sometimes gave to the scriptures that emptied all desires of wealth. And add to it the plain laziness which I masked as spiritual disinterest.

My initial target was to reach a 40 hour / week work period. By this, I mean that I'm going to sit at my comp for the said period whether I work or not. . .under the condition that I will not be sleeping, browsing, chatting etc. The website Mood Gym or Mind Gym gave a good advice for procrastinators. . .if you can't do something useful, do nothing. The point is. . .don't believe that you are working when you are actually spending time in entertainment. The good thing is that the body gets adjusted to this austere measure. This is Tapas, the 1st requirement in success in Kriya Yoga (the other two are Svadhyaya (Self-study) and Ishwara Pranidhana (giving the results to God))

I can presently do a session each of Pathanjali Yoga, learning and voluntary service. By Pathanjali Yoga, I hope to tame my mind. It also must be carefully done - otherwise, it can kill me. I'm subscribing to some lifehacks and this is my learning. Just like how I read a chapter of Bhagavad Gta, I'm going to read those productivity posts. First I thought that I should read on my domain, then later thought that I can learn domain knowledge from experience -- but this -- lifehacks, will sharpen my stunted brain. The voluntary service is mutually beneficial and so I cannot really call it a service - I get practice out of it. So there I have 3 slots filled for the day which trains me on my Attitude, Knowledge and Skill. While these things don't make money for me directly, it will improve my work quality and so I can charge more. The other 4 hour slots, the ones where I earn money, is still unclear. It's not like I cannot do a project - I can get things done on a project, for once, in a haphazard manner -- but it will not be sustainable. I have got to get into a routine that is self-sustaining. I hope to take 1 day per week off. That makes it 42 hours - more than what is necessary.

I'm getting there.

Thanks

9/11

Some people want to remember 9/11 from solidarity with the victims. My opinion is this. . .you cannot forget it unless you have learned from it but once you have learned from it, it's better to archive it in the memory and focus on what is good in the present moment.

Another Day in Paradise - 7 tablets more to go

I try to do a lot of extra-ordinary things and under-perform in more down-to-earth things. At the end of the day, I ask myself, "Arvind. . .what are you really up to?". . .I have no answer.

Sweet-heart

I don't mind if you are as flat as a carrom-board or if you cannot behave like a lady always but the girl for me is someone with whom I have some chemistry, someone who can allow me to remember Archana, someone who can forgive me unconditionally for having been a shameless-flirt and someone whom destiny decides for me.

Making and Dedicating Merit

(This is a repost from somewhere else. I wanted to get these ideas clarified and one way is to explain it to someone.)

Merit and sin both come from Karma and are to be reduced to zero, which is when liberation happens. It's easy to understand why sin is to be avoided since it results in pain at some point later. But why should one have zero merit? Aren't we supposed to do good?

Having a merit means one has to enjoy it. When one enjoys, one breaks -off temporarily from the divine. Suppose a musician has been practicing out of love of music and has mastered it. When the audience hears the music, they will tend to praise, which will prevent him or her from enjoying and focusing on the skillful practice of music that may even bring down his or her performance. Thus, any merit is a hindrance to Nirvana or Liberation. Does it mean that one shouldn't do any good work?

Obviously not. We know from common-sense that we are goaded or forced to do good. The explanation is that one should do good but dedicate all the results to the divine. This begs a question - if one gives everything off, then what does one have? Why would anyone want to work for no benefit?

The subtle truth is that one is also a part and parcel of the divine and so when one dedicates all actions, one gives it to himself or herself also a little - and - when other beings do a similar thing, they also contribute towards the one. You can protest - I understand that doing good will help me but where will I get the energy to do activities. . .I just want to sleep or cannot help procrastinating?

Tell me - what happens to the energy that comes from digesting the food that you eat? You cannot presently find energy because that energy has been wasted away in vain activities. The trick is to do all those activities that you previously engaged in but channel it towards the divine in some way. For example, developing a website can be your hobby but instead of making a website on whatever theme that catches your fancy, you can create one for a NGO helping out the needy. You can still protest - this is alright for those who have food to eat in the first place.

You can't help eating - can you? Either you want to eat from taste or cannot stand the hunger and have to hunt for food.  When you do this, you are contributing towards decreasing the Global Warming since the energy from the sun that you received through the plants and animals that ate the plants is now spent on creating harmony rather than increasing chaos. When you work like this, there is neither a lack of energy nor an unhealthy accumulation of it but it flows through you as you experience the joy of it.

Such good works have the advantage that there is not as much resistance to it from other people as is there in selfish actions which is frustrated by obstacles from competition. The efforts are repaid in full and gets cumulatively added even if done in small increments. The process is sustainable since with every action, along with the fruit comes the habit to do it again easily (the concept of Stigmergy).

While being enlightened on this truth may be instantaneous, the change in the lifestyle takes time since it requires a complete rewiring of one's brain. It takes a great deal of patience to shift from the vicious cycle to the virtuous cycle - a shift from the purgatory hell to an eternal heaven.

Fear not

For whomsoever it may concern

You have got to try harder than trying to frame me by sending fake email from my account. Your time is running out.

P.S. - I'm not right in the head, yet. Pity you, not you...ah, you! won't be there to see me right in the head.

9 tables to go. . .

One table reserved for each tablet. ???

<_>

My Gad!!!

FlyLady TV

Back to basics

I experiment with many techniques in my job. Sometimes I believe that I have found the ultimate panacea for all my work related ills and I become temporarily happy (always optimistic that this time it's going to work). And when it doesn't wok 100%, I go back to basics. So now too, I'm going back to basics of working by saying Krishna Unakke Preethi before I do anything. It's like...one tries out great systems like GTD and finally believes that, for some, a pen and paper solves problems better.

Delhi blast suspect sketch

Please read this with the 99.97% healthy mind of mine in the perspetive i.e. I can be wrong.

I seem to recognize the 1st guy (the thin one). I have seen a guy like him a few times around the Elliots Beach, Besant Nagar and in my area, Thiruvanmiyur. It's not an exact match - the guy I had seen didn't have a beard, had more of white hair and he seemed a little older, perhaps between 45 - 55, whereas the guy in the image seems to be 30 - 45 years old. Ofcourse, a beard can be removed and getting the exact age captured in a sketch is difficult. The point that I want to make is that the eyes that is staring at me from the image and the high cheek-bones ring a bell in my mind. Of course, many people can have such resemblances.
Elliots Beach has CCTV, for your information.

I have wondered when a blast or serial blasts will occur at Chennai, specifically in an area like the Elliots beach.

To B

I think I understanda little but it's alot complicatedasperhaps Elknows.

Thank you, FlyLady!

Eureka!: This exclamation is most famously attributed to the ancient Greek scholar Archimedes; he reportedly proclaimed "Eureka!" when he stepped into a bath and noticed that the water level rose—he suddenly understood that the volume of water displaced must be equal to the volume of the part of his body he had submerged. This meant that the volume of irregular objects could be measured with precision, a previously intractable problem. He is said to have been so eager to share his realisation that he leapt out of his bathtub and ran through the streets of Syracuse naked. (Courtesy: www.wikipedia.com)

Scarf (again)

 Actually these are supposed to be my work hours and so I shouldn't really be blogging. But I thought I will just leave a note.

So Scarf it is.

S - Scope management
C - Case analysis is one of the most general and applicable methods of analytical thinking, depending only on the division of a problem, decision or situation into a sufficient number of separate cases. Analysing each such case individually may be enough to resolve the initial question. (from wikipedia)
A - Ask and you shall receive (from a guy who roamed around 2011 years back.)
R - ROTE
F - Feedback

Ofcourse CMS is implicitly understood.

Scarf is clear to me. Now, I have got to Concentrate, Meditate and get into Samadhi on Scarf. On a scale of 1 to 8, I have scaled the 5th level and now stepping onto the 6th level (with occasional twitchings and tremors in my body). May all the beings in the universe be in harmony with me as I reach towards perfection in work. And, I have thrown out of the window the idea of being a Guru and writing professionally (I will likely still complete the novel that I have started as an amateur writer).

11 more tablets to go

I don't know what difference it will make after 11 days when I no longer take the tablet. I doubt if it will be a major difference but still it will be a subtle difference to me and whoever is around me. It will be a major milestone...perhaps...the most major milestone of my recovery. Going from 99.99% alright to 100.00% alright involves a small difference but still it is a moment to celebrate. By 100.00% alright, I don't mean to say anything like perfection or Nirvana. I will still be making mistakes but they will not be grave ones that requires damage control. These days, I'm almost alright but taking a tablet produces some side-effects. I don't think there will be any major event during these days, positive or negative. Actually, it's funny. I'm not getting alright in a grand way in a moment by the waving of a magic wand but that the development is so quiet and boring, almost imperceptible, so subtle that I have to go back down memory lane to compare how I was and how I'm now.

I'm clubbing Vishnu Sahasranama and Pathanjali Yoga. When I was using the "Krishna Unakke Preethi" mantra in Pathanjali Yoga, I was telling myself that it helps me in Karma Yoga. That the Vishnu Sahasranama also involves Dhyana or meditation made me uncomfortable. I was thinking...why am I doing 2 times the meditation? Add it to do that the chanting of the Dvaya mantra. Then I thought...why not just do the first 5 steps of Pathanjali Yoga as it is and use the Vishnu Sahasranama for the next 3 steps. Doing it like this is a bit new since the recommended length of the mantra for meditation is short generally - not something which lasts for half an hour. Still, there's no reason why it shouldn't be done like that and so I'm doing.

I was reading today the 4th chapter of the Gita and there it was mentioned that the wisdom sacrifice was the best and suddenly I got a new meaning into that verse. Till now, I was interpreting that verse from the point of the disciple - a disciple has to be willing to sacrifice his or her useless knowledge for the better knowledge. And today, I looked at it from the point of view of a Guru or a learned person - he or she shares his or her wisdom. I then thought...let me share whatever knowledge I have through the website (not this one). Actually, I have tried a few times to do it but left it for want of real direction.

I really don't know if this is a wise decision but I plan to devote my work life to wisdom, knowledge and faith. Wisdom through a website, knowledge through web development job and faith through my writing. Brahmins in the old days had 3 ways of earning money - being a Guru, scientist or priest. I can be a Guru, though I would be hard-pressed to find a disciple willing to take me seriously :D I believe that I have valuable knowledge in me, kind of like how Bheeshma was, when He gave the Vishnu Sahasranama. Ofcourse, I'm really not comparinf myself with Him and that's why I have used the words 'kind of'. Moreover, I believe that I have been fortunate to live near a society like the Theosophical Society which gives access to esoteric Wisdom. Web development is no problem as long as it is for an hour or two. I cannot be a priest but I can still do something that a priest is supposed to do - instill faith. By faith, I don't mean a faith in God alone but take it in the broadest definition. Writing on faith would bring some meaning and utility to my novel than just a passionate time-pass.

I'm fashioning these jobs based on what a Brahmin is supposed to do. Some people will immediately start frowning if anything is done in the name of caste. Being a Brahmin has no real advantage than others if one really understands the scriptures. A Cobbler can get the same Nirvana that a Brahmin gets by being a better Cobbler. It's funny to read forums in the internet where foreigners, interested in converting to Hinduism, ask...which caste will I be if I convert to Hinduism? Let me make a few points briefly...1) All the 4 castes have come from God 2)Every caste can reach God by being devoted to his or her work 3) A Sudra might clean the toilet but a Brahmin has to use the cow's dung in doing the Yajna 4) I believe that there are 3 factors deciding which caste a person is fitted to be - the caste he or she was born into, the environmental forces that has shaped him or her during the growing up period and perhaps the present situation...I don't know. So it can be that someone who is born a Brahmin, like a cousin of mine, might be living the life of a non-Brahmin (my cousin unfortunately lost both his parents at a tender age and had to survive with whatever options he had, like eating non-veg, drinking liquor etc. I don't mean to say that someone who is eating meat or drinking cannot be have Brahmin's nature. He or she can but it will not be full. There is nothing wrong in eating meat if you are a Ksattriya and need to defend yourself physically. Or drink a peg of wine for health reasons or otherwise weekly or monthly as long as you don't go overboard. I'm really not trying to be apologetic or supportive of the caste system. The caste system has it's pluses and minuses. It is amazing for me to see how the power hierarchy was kept in balance so that no caste really dominated. The Brahmana is respected the most but the rule of law is not his o her hands - it is the domain of the Ksattriya. And a Ksattriya knows that all of his or her power cannot stand before the non-violent strength of a Brahmana. When I say Brahmana or Ksattriya, I'm talking about those in the old times who lived up to their ideals - not the pseudo-ones these days. But even in the old days, there were pseudo-ones and caste fights were ubiquitous. The point is...it's not what caste that one is which matters but how true one is towards his or her responsibilities that matters. Someone like the musician Ilayaraja, born as a Non-Brahmin, is a maestro who can make any Carnatic Brahmin musician to eat the humble pie. Again, I'm not equating greatness of the soul with talent. Ilayaraja might very will be a scoundrel in real life (I once heard that his wife ran away with some other guy) but he shows the intellectual capacity of a Brahmin. On the other hand, as I mentioned earlier, my cousin is a Brahmin and while he has a good heart, he doesn't really show any intellect. And intellect, physical strength etc. doesn't really matter as long as one has good integrity. Dharma might be different for the different castes but it is his or her own Dharma that really saves someone.

After 11 days, I don't think I will be taking time to explain why it is alright for a Brahmin to do the work of a Brahmin. The unfortunate lengthy explanation of the previous paragraph is one such instance of the side-effects of taking the tablet.

???Buffoon???

I don't know what the world thinks of me. Some, and I mean my old friends and relative, must be thinking I have become eccentric. Those who know me recently would probably be thinking that I'm some extreme joke with periods of normalcy in-between. I don't think that there is anyone I have not p.ssed on voluntarily. More than me being a creepy angry personality, I make it a point that those around me play the game of life fair and square. I make the king or queen of a lay(wo)man and the next moment, I make sure that it doesn't get into their heads. This is the same treatment that I give myself. I might become more like-able in future.

...and the journey continues...

Arvy's search for meaning

A big sorry to my managers for spoiling the sleep. I think reading this wouldn't be as bad as you think. You may even like it.

You may have already guessed where I stole the blog title from. Or atleast seen it when I search now. It comes from Viktor Frankl's ''Man's search for meaning".

My world radar tells me that all is fine and that there is peace, quiet and cool atmosphere in my world. Wondering how I got the info? No, not from any hired service but rather from the source within. . .I'm talking about my body. My body is peaceful, quiet and cool. Look at it this way. . .any problem out there gets reflected in our body. If we can see someone anxious, we become anxious as well. If someone is restless out there, a part of our body starts twitching. Maybe these aren't really a good proof but I'm really not in a mood to explain everything.

Does that mean that all the problems are gone when I feel so peaceful, quiet and cool. Yes and no. Yes, in the sense that my world is becoming almost alright. But there are as many worlds as there are souls. Your world is different from mine. You are at the center of your world just as I'm at the center of my world. You are like one of the planets circling around the sun in my world just like I'm one of the planets circling around the sun in your world. There is however only one universe. If you want to know who is at the center of that universe, try connecting the dots of the different suns (souls) in the different worlds. Unclear? Don't worry, it's unclear to me as well.

I wanted to write about being pro-active. If there are some apples in the tree and you are hungry, you can either wait for them to fall down - or - you can go get them. There was a point in my recovery from depression when I started realizing that the obstacles that I was facing were imaginary or which existed because I contributed to it in some way. All I had to do was, do the limited number of things to get out of the rut. I'm 2 weeks away from being off my depression medicine, forever. While I didn't keep up the appointment with my doctor for the past two months since the previous one left the hospital and it was difficult to explain everything to the new one to get the right dosage, I have my reasons for ending the drug intake. I'm doing Pathanjali Yoga, which controls the mind and thus my psychotic thoughts as well. I'm also planning to limit the time I do my web development stuff since it's more of a right-brained rational activity. As a concrete proof, my body, as I mentioned earlier, including my head, is cool. One more reason is that I have been progressively decreasing my dosage and so this time also, it's a gradual decrease. but this time to zero. Anyway, the point I want to make is, when you are at the penultimate stage of getting out of whatever problem you are in life, you won't be having any real obstacles but it will also be true that things will not fall into your lap. In Chess analogy, suppose you are materially up (which at the Grandmasters level is the difference between victory and defeat), you don't waste your time trying to gain more pieces or get into a better position - you just go for the standard end-game moves and it is likely that the opponent will concede (or you can bring it to an indecent check-mate). The funny thing is that you will find your last opponent as your ego.

BTW, I cannot help mentioning that the Jews, who are supposed to be the chosen people, are today like an out-caste in the world. Today's Jews are fighting the same people who once liberated them. Viktor Frankl will be turning in his grave. Jews need to realize that the world or nature isn't always condescending - you only have to look at the Tsunami and Earthquake that Japan has had recently - you would expect that nature would never ever hurt the Japanese after the Atom bomb. The Japanese are wise enough to pacify the nature and one would expect the Jews to be smart enough to pacify the world - their world (as against my world or any Tom, Dick and Harry Potter's world).

Scarf

Planning to use this acronym at wok. I was at SCARF - a Schizophrenic foundation. Somehow, the acronym appeals to me emotionally.

S - Scope management
C - Compass (like a map or guide for doing the work)
A - Analysis
R - ROTE (Run-Observe-Theorize-Edit, it's based on Kolb's experiential learning,kind of like iterative trial and error development methodology)
F - Feedback (communication with the client)

Of course, it's more of me fitting suitable words into an acronym I like. I was thinking of interchanging the words for C and A i.e. making "Case Analysis" for C and "Ask" for A but I think that an instruction of the tasks is needed before it can be broken down. It's a form of work-flow. It's quite logical as well as easy to practice...Get the scope defined using the project scope triangle, then use search engine or otherwise to get the instructions, then break it down into simple tasks for easier management, then do and refine each task till it becomes okay and then finally send the result for external client feedback and correction. A problem I was having is in keeping the acronym in mind since I was experiencing psychotic thoughts but with practice, using some tools to offload the mind's content etc., it becomes manageable.

I don't know. I keep trying different things. Many things I have written here has flopped for one reason or the other but I hope this sticks with me. This 'Scarf' acronym has been coming back to me perhaps because of the emotional appeal of having seen a lot of Schizophrenics at SCARF. I was also trying acronyms like Start, Smart and Sport. :D

Actually, the full acronym is Scarf CMS. The CMS comes from spiritual equivalents of Dharana, Dhyana and Samadhi (like Concentration, Meditation and System?). But when I think about it, I think about it only as Scarf since CMS is the meditative process itself. By the way, I work in Content Management Systems which is abbreviated as CMS.

The funny thing is...I think about the most complex abstract things (from vanity?) but need to put in a big effort to do the simplest jobs. I have to tell myself not to think of myself as a hotshot but keep it simple, stupid.

An explanation

I posted what is below in Facebook and I want to explain it since it is important and confusing. It's based on an interpretation of the Bhagavad Gita Chapter 15, verses 1-6.

"Don't be involved in worldly life. Don't be attached to spiritual life. Be refuged in life."

Worldly life is fine up to a point. For me, it was till the time my girl friend broke up with me. Even now, I do take part in worldly life (since I have a physical body) but I'm not involved in it.

What's the difference between involvement and attachment? Hardly anything. Involvement is more of being 'inside' something whereas attachment is being 'joined side-by-side'.

It's normal for those fed up with worldly life to take up spiritual life. It's an improvement and one believes that there is finally a way out. One even starts loving spirituality when it allows some of the pleasures of worldly life. For example, it may advice that one cannot make love to many women but one can make love to a single woman in a holy way. There is a small problem, which starts as a minor irritant and later becomes a major frustration. Spirituality is as vast as materialism. Sure, when one has spent a lot of time in spirituality, one begins to see a lot of pattern which simplifies life. But still it advises numerous divine qualities to love, numerous wisdom tips, numerous rituals to practice and numerous divine aspects to be meditated on. To adhere to all these injunctions right to the word becomes a major concern. When one becomes tired and old, one hopes and wishes for an easier way out. That is where the Saranagathi philosophy or Prapatti (taking refuge in a higher and benign power by surrendering the ego) comes into picture. Saranagathi or Prapatti cannot really be called a worldly or spiritual discipline. It's because while a spiritual human does it, so also does an animal like a pet cat or dog (comes back to the owner finding some danger).

One can do Saranagathi formally or informally. The Shri Vaishnavaite tradition recommends that it should be done only once since repeatedly doing it means that one does not trust fully in the saving power of God. I'm doing it daily by repeating the Dvaya mantram and maybe I will stop after some time. I might stop even today. Anyway, the point is that doing Saranagathi is a lot easier than spirituality or what one can call as Yoga.

There is a crucial point, however. Does it mean that one stops spirituality? No. This is what I wanted to clarify. Spirituality should still be practiced but without attachment. What does it mean? It means that if someone is unable to do a daily ritual like reading a verse or chanting a mantra or lighting a lamp or candle etc., there is nothing wrong in it. One can do it out of one's own wish but it is not mandatory, to be saved. Believe me, on your deathbed, you don't want to worry about not having read the verse of the day. :D

Why am I writing all this? Is it not already explained by many? I once heard Vellukudi Krishnan suggesting that when one takes up Prapatti, one has to drop Yoga. Of course, he has said a lot of things and it's erroneous to single out one instance. In the Bhagavad Gita, Shri Krishna advises that Acts of Sacrifices, Charity and Austerity shouldn't be relinquished since they purify people. But it has to be done without attachment and without the desire for a worldly benefit. I'm doing a lot of those practices (the 9 levels that I posted a couple of posts back.). As long as I keep my date with the Dvaya mantra, I don't intend to lose sleep though it will be with the best attention that I will try to do those things. As for repeating the Dvaya mantra daily, I may even restrict it to saying it once only.

A scientific explanation is this. Getting oneself out of worldly life is no different than getting a rocket out of the earth. As the rocket reaches the top, it has to shed the weight, even some of those useful gadgets and engines that brought it out and propelled it earlier. The equivalent of the gadgets and the engines are the worldly desires and the spiritual practices. Apologies to space scientists for making light of rocket science. :D

?????!

Jai HanumAn

:D

Trying to maintain Brahmacharyam in this world with beautiful damsels around is difficult indeed. A couple of good looking young girls. I was very hungry - for food - but from tiredness I let my eyes fall on the couple of girls nearby. They were quite pretty and I was so tired to even take my eyes off them once it fell on them - not that I was interested in them. And then I realized that I was kind of staring and went to gorge my food. If you want to have better control on the sexual urges, don't lay your eyes on girls - I had told myself. And it seems to work. You have got to nip the problem in the bud. It worked for me in not getting into the drinking habit. When my friends asked me to have a sip, I politely refused saying that if I take a sip, I cannot stop. It's the same thing with girls. People ogle - or to put it more decently - bird-watch - thinking it is harmless. But those images are the seeds in the brain which induces all sorts of fantasies and desires. I don't know. For me, it's easier to stop myself from looking at girls than later controlling the urges.

My target is to do 10 things daily once I'm fully alright and have got into the groove. These days, I'm doing 7-8. Today, I did 7 and didn't work the one billable slot that I had set. It has upset me. In a way, the 10 things can mean a scale from 0 to 10. There was a time when doing 1 daily, which was listening to the Vishnu Sahasranama, was thought by me as a success. In that sense, I have come a long way. Of course, there are more capable people who are putting more effort than me. The ex-India cricket coach, I forgot his name, said that when he took up his job, the Indian team was working around 2 or 3. At the time of the World Cup, he took them to 8 or 9. A Tendulkar will be putting 9-10. But I'm not in a hurry as long as I can go beyond some minimum level. To give some entertaining idea, I will say something about the levels. I have nothing better to do to write this and I suspect you also don't have anything better to do than read this.

Level 0 - Arvy is in comatose stage (neither good nor bad)
Level 1 - Arvy gets good thought implants from the Vishnu Sahasranama (a cheaper option than a brain surgery)
Level 2 - Arvy gets to understand things from the Bhagavad Gita (like taking a few moments today to appreciate the fact that plants also have souls)
Level 3 - Arvy is in love with Rama, Lakshmana, Seetha, Hanumaan etc. reading the Ramayana chapters (He enjoys this time the best, almost as much as Level 10)
Level 4 - Arvy dives into his mind to hammer the message of Service through Pathanjali Yoga (by using Krishna Unakke Preethi as the mantra of meditation.)
Level 5 - Arvy learns the know-how to work properly. (He copies the same technique used for getting Wisdom at Level 2)
Level 6 - Arvy works for a better world through volunteering efforts (which is his short-cut to get trained in his job.)
Level 7 - Arvy starts to earn! (Thanks to a good soul(s) somewhere on this planet)
Level 8 - ??? similar to Level 7 ???
Level 9 - ??? similar to level 7 ???
Level 10 - Arvy settles down into the hands of his Creator by chanting the Dvaya mantram (What happens to him at this stage is beyond description and best left to be experienced)

If you see, ladies and gentlemen, I'm bunking the 8th and 9th levels still. And today, I bunked Level 7 also. And that makes me sad, even though I can console myself that today is Sunday.

Take it eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzeeeeeeeeeeee.

To Arvind

Hope 19th of next month is the last day that you need to take medicine for Depression 

Am I allowed to post nonsense?

??????????????????????????/!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

         lkjhgfdsa
?  ?
?  ? ?
 ?
 l;grldsl;
                                 ?????FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFff






jughgji

I wish I don't have to prove myself a worthy candidate for receiving love.

No Mercy - Where do you go?

The Grace period is over.

To my childhood best friend Raja

http://lyrical-thyagaraja.blogspot.com/2009/10/jagadanandakaraka.html

Should have been named 'Rama'. He is the first person I told 'I love you to' (The only other person I remember telling directly was the stupid Archana). The teacher came across the piece of paper that I had passed to him and she asked me to stand on the bench for the whole period. Don't know if she thought it was meant for a girl in the class. I must have been around 8.

Arvy & X

Arvy: Hello X.
X: Hi.
Arvy: I'm not well.
X: Why, what happened?
Arvy: Some things went bad. The day started well till 1PM. Then I was losing track of myself.
X:Okay.
Arvy: I did manage to do the minimum.
X: Okay.
Arvy: I'm working very slowly. At 50% of the required amount.
X: Okay.
Arvy: I also post a lot of weird things.
X: Getting back to normalcy takes time.
Arvy: I know. I love the 3 Charama slokas...that of Shri Krishna, Shri Rama & Shri Varaha.
X: Hmmm.
Arvy: I believe that I'm going get the refuge as a synthesis and understanding of it. I already know it somewhat but it's still a bit hazy.
X: Okay.
Arvy: I can understand the Varaha easily. The way I understand it is...do the 4 yogas as long as I can and expect to be saved when I will not be having the consciousness to do it.
X: Good.
Arvy: The tejas of Krishna is still unclear. I don't wear sunglasses in auto and stop two-wheelers asking for address.
X: I beg your pardon?
Arvy: It's one of those things.
X: AAAh! You always have that phrase ready for inexplicable things. But I will not force you.
Arvy: Thanks. I got to go.
X: Okay. Take it easy.
Arvy: I will.

Arvy: Hello X.
X: Hi.
Arvy: Was it Bre or bray that I came across? Now...
X: What?
Arvy: It's one of those things.
X: What things?
Arvy: Never mind.
X: Okay.
Arvy: I'm satisfied with the way things went today. I think I did all 4 -- Bhakthi Yoga, Dhyana Yoga, Jnana Yoga, Karma Yoga and ending in Prapatti.
Arvy: My nephew has come and I might have to go.
X: okay.
Arvy: I did the Bhakthi Yoga first since it was supposed to be done at dawn. From tomorrow, the Yoga order is DJBK, hopefully.
X: It will be, don't worry.
Arvy: It's got a flow in it, a connection. By Dhyana, I implant the brain with good thoughts. Then those thoughts get 'educated' by Jnana. The dry Jnana is made wet by Bhakthi. The Bhakthi (KAriya Siddhi) that I'm following has a guidance to do Karma well.
X: That's wonderful.
Arvy: Yeah. I believe that I have got the hang of Yoga. It's only Prapatti that's still eluding me. But even not feeling secure enough is like a minor thorn in me.
X: Should we celebrate?
Arvy: No, not yet. It's not over until it's over.
X: Good.
Arvy: I have got to go to look after my nephew. I will not be really taking care of him since my mom will be doing that. I will just be there.
X: Good night.
Arvy: Good night.

Arvy: Hello X!
X: Hi.
Arvy: Is it all right to be dumb and retarded?
X: I don't know.
Arvy: It's s easy to be dumb and retarded. But it also becomes a burden to others.
X: Yes.
Arvy: I'm feeling lighter now. Want to know why?
X: Tell me.
Arvy: Never mind.
X: Okay.
Arvy: Sorry to disappoint you.
X: No problem.
Arvy: I don't really feel like typing much. I wanto say Bye. For now.
X: Goodbye.

Arvy and X

Arvy: Hello, anyone here? If you are Arvind, please don't respond.
X: Hello, Arvy.
Arvy: Oh Hi! Nice to meet you again.
X: It's nice to meet you too, Arvy.
Arvy: You know, I remember something that my ex wrote.
X: Tell me.
Arvy: She wrote at the end of the letter in big words, "Meet you next week. Until then Good bye."
X: Sweet.
Arvy: It was. Sort of. But it looked a little odd and funny to me. It was as if she was a news reader. But still, I liked it.
X: Okay. How are you today?
Arvy: Not bad. There is a re-arrangement again. Perhaps it's another piece falling into the place in th puzzle called life.
X: That's interesting.
Arvy: I'm just glad that I'm peaceful now and my body is feeling cool.
X: Great.
Arvy: I'm taking things a little slower.
X: Okay.
Arvy: What do you want us to talk about?
X: Anything, Arvy.
Arvy: You know...that stupid Archana...I was talking to her like this. And I used to do the talking 99% of the time. She would just keep me going on. But I should concede. She was a good listener and never seemed to get bored with me.
X: Go on.
Arvy: You are also like her. But I think you are a little more intelligent.
X: I'm okay.
Arvy: Archana was sometimes very dumb. But she could afford to be a donkey with the beauty that she was. And I don't mean just physical beauty. She had a beautiful soul. May be I just got close enough to her to see her soul and souls are beautiful in everyone. Even the times when she was acting dumb, I attributed it to innocence.
X: Okay.
Arvy: My counselor is asking me...why haven't you forgotten her after all these years? He says an average person would have come out in a year or two. Now, don't get me wrong...I don't mean to say I'm something extraordinary.
X: i believe you.
Arvy: Why is she still there in my brain? As large as the moon in a full moon night. Thankfully, I don't despair or feel sad or depressed. Let's forget it. It's too complex.
X: Okay.
Arvy: I'm liking this. It's better than writing a novel. By the way, I don't intend to write the novel, atleast not with commercial intent.
X: Okay.
Arvy: I'm reading these days something to get me out of the habit of masturbating. It seems to work.
X: Good.
Arvy: I was actually reading the part which was supposed to give me cash. I read for around a week. When I read that the wrong Kama will affect all the three of Dharma, Artha and Kama, I thought that it was better to stop the leakage, literally.
X: Funny.
Arvy: I was posting the other day on how the American spending was like dysentery. Masturbation is to me what luxury is to them. I was doing wrong things, being drained of energy and losing out on real love.
X: Go on.
Arvy: I believe that my would-be wife will forgive my transgressions. To the westernized, it might seem a small thing. But as Jesus says, if you have looked lustfully with the eyes, you have as good as sinned.
X: Hmmm.
Arvy: I hope my wife would be like Kannagi, who forgave Kovalan for going to a prostitute. Ofcourse, I don't want the rest of the story to happen.
X: Hmmmm.
Arvy: I have got 10 minutes to go to bed.
X: Okay.
Arvy: Sometimes, when I'm in a flow like this, I really don't want to stop. It's as if I'm getting to be open. The problem is, I'm afraid of being open.
X: Hmmmm.
Arvy: I'm not really scared of evil.
X: Good.
Arvy: Not good. I meant evil.
X: I know. Good.
Arvy: Is this some kind of a joke? I meant evil, not good.
X: Never mind.
Arvy: Okay. You know what my counselor would have told me now?
X; What?
Arvy: That I was avoiding being open.
X: I don't know.
Arvy: Why cannot I be open? The problem is this...can you really show your a.se with the hole in it to the world? Now that I have said it, I feel sick.
X: It's okay.
Arvy: I'm going to bed. I will see you later.
X: Good night, Arvy. Sweet dreams.

Arvy, Arvind and X

Arvy: I'm not well.
Arvind: okay.
Arvy: Is that all you can say?
Arvind: I don't know what to say.
Arvy: I'm bleeding inside. Like an internal hemorrhage.
Arvind: Hemorrhage can be only internal.
Arvy: Very funny.
Arvind: I'm sorry.
Arvy: I feel as if the weight of the universe is pressing on me.
Arvind: Do you think the universe is heavy?
Arvy: That's a poor attempt at joke. You are sick.
Arvind: I'm.
Arvy: What? You also? I thought I was the only crazy one here.
Arvind: Now you know.
Arvy: That doesn't really help. Does it?
Arvind: It doesn't. But still we are not the only ones here.
Arvy: What? Is there someone else too? I would like to meet him/her/it.
Arvind: Do you want me to call him?
Arvy: Yes! sure do. I need all the help I can muster.
Arvind: Okay, I will call him. But let's call him X, okay?
Arvy: I have no objections.
Arvind: Okay then. Wait a second. I will call him...Hello X...would you like to join in?
X: Sure. Who are you both?
Arvind: We don't know. Who are you?
X: I don't know. But it doesn't matter.
Arvy: Hello X.
X:Hello Arvy.
Arvy: Can you help me?
X; I will, if I can.
Arvy: I feel like crying. But I can't.
X: Why can't you?
Arvy: Adults are not supposed to cry. I'm also supposed to be tough. And people are watching. There are 2 followers and I don't know how many are hidden.
X: That's sad.
Arvy: It is. And I cannot drop dead. I have got to stand. If I fall down, thoe around me will fall down too.
X: I see. Are you sure?
Arvy: I'm sure but I wish I didn't have to be sure too.
X: You can rest on me for a while.
Arvy: But how? I don't even know you.
X: Yes. That's a problem. But we will manage somehow. Don't worry.
Arvy: You are being vague.
X: I'm sorry.
Arvy; Don't be. You seem to be a nice chap.Atleast, you are listening to me.
X: Why can't you tell me directly your problem?
Arvy: It's because I don't know what my problem is. Or to put it in another way, I have too many problems to single out any.
X: That's bad.
Arvy: But I'm brave.
X: You are.
Arvy: Now...how can you know that?
X: Well...you sounded brave.
Arvy: Okay. I'm also nice.
X: Okay.
Arvy: My head is feeling heavy now.
X: Okay.
Arvy: I wish life was simpler.
X: I don't know.
Arvy: Sometimes I'm very scared. But I just shut down those thoughts.
X: i know.
Arvy: Tell me...I'm living by a few things told in the Gita. Do you think it will work out?
X: I think so.
Arvy: How can you help me?
X: I don't know. I'm here for as long as you need me.
Arvy: Are you God?
X: I don't know. It doesn't matter.
Arvy: Then tell me what matters.
X: I don't know. You have got to try out certain things. See if it matters.
Arvy: Sometimes I wish I could die in an accident or an earthquake or something like that.Gone in a second.
X: I have nothing to say.
Arvy: I don't think I will regret if I die now.
X: Okay.
Arvy; I'm feeling wretched that I cannot even easily speak from my heart.
X: Hmmm.
Arvy: I think I have hurt some people. But I believe that I have compensated.
X: Okay.
Arvy: Or maybe I haven't. Maybe I'm still alive to settle some more debts.
X: Hmmm.
Arvy: I cannot make anything of life.
X: Hmmm.
Arvy: I cannot even express in words. I'm trying so hard to find a right word or sentence to tell how I feel but it just doesn't come.
X: Hmmm.
Arvy: I don't know how long this is going to take.I wish I'm taken care of. But I don't want to be a burden.
X: Granted.
Arvy: I don't know what you mean by 'granted'. I have to go now. But I would like to come back again tomorrow to talk with you.
X: I will see you tomorrow. Have dinner and go to sleep. You will be all right.
Arvy: Thanks. I don't want us to talk with Arvind for some time. Is it okay?
X: I don't have any objection. But out of decency, you should request him.
Arvy: Okay, I will. Hello, Arvind...
Arvind: I heard what you said to X. It's all right by me. Anything which makes you happy makes me happy too.
Arvy: Thanks. Maybe I will talk with you tomorrow. Maybe...
Arvind: You don't need to explain.
Arvy: Thanks. Life is beautiful...am I the son or the father?
X: Crazy nut!
Arvy: Will I be all right?
X: Yes.
Arvy: Soon?
X:Yes.
Arvy: How soon?
X: Help is coming to you at the speed of light.
Arvy: But from where and how big is the universe? I need to know distance to calculate the time.
X: The universe is big indeed. But it is enough to fit inside your heart.
Arvy: That means...it can be any moment?
X: Yes.
Arvy: Good night.

Pet commentary on American economy

Putin suggests that Americans are like parasites. I agree                    with the previous part of his quote...that they are living beyond their means.

Americans have been very generous. Today,we have the culture of free browsing, emails, blogging, music videos etc. thanks to the software companies largely owned by Americans. Perhaps Putin himself is using blogger, livejournal, facebook, twitter etc.

These services needn't be free. Taking it for granted is the same as not appreciating the benevolence of cow's milk...after all no one requests the cow if it wants to give. Competition is not the only reason for some of these products and services being free. A lot of people have invested in software with the best intentions. One web host is giving the service for free for 2 years -- they expect that after 2 years, when a small businessman starts getting revenue, he or she will sign up for the premium. But, a lot of people, including me, have no such plans. While I don't misuse it, there are those who enroll in mass numbers trying to earn quick cash. If something remains steady for a day, that itself is a big thing in this world and these people are planning for 2 years. That is not a parasitic way of life. Actually, some people from countries like China, India, Russia etc. ride piggyback on the developments in America. If all the pirated versions of Windows was seized in India, almost all the small-scale companies and 90% (my estimate) of homes would be shut down.

But Americans surely have a problem with the way they spend their money on luxury. Even if you have a full course meal, if you have dysentery, you are going to be emaciated. I'm not against wealth. Wealth can however be only a by-product and not a product by itself. Of course, you must be knowing this already...but I have to say this to complete my pet commentary. :-)

My mother

My mother's got a growth inside her skull. Luckily and thankfully, it isn't a tumour.

I have played down the significance of it to my mother and she does the same thing to me, except rarely when she mentions it in anger. I cannot nevertheless help thinking occasionally about it a a time-bomb.

My mother is only half-alive. A part of her consciousness has already transcended this world.

What bothers me a little is that even the MR scan was paid by my sister. In case of a major operation, she would have to be the one financing it. But I believe that the growth in her is psycho-somatic. The only thing I can do is to make sure that she is happy and expect the growth to dissolve by itself. There have been such cases reported.

It's also a bother for me of how I will be after she dies. The other day, my mother took 2 promises from me. That I will not commit suicide after she dies and that I will do Gaya Shraddham for her and my father after her death. I was very glad that she took such a promise. It was one thing which had been bothering me. The reason I'm alive these days is only for her and it did occur to me that I might do anything after her death. And I didn't like the thought. She has asked me to prove to the world that I can live happily. It will no doubt be terrible after her death but I think I would be able to manage somehow.

Acchu...

"Going so soon to bed?", I say "But I'm not finished with you yet"
She turns over on the bed and God help me, she is beautiful and sexy.
"Come on, let's do it once..."
"No."
"Why not?"
She doesn't answer.
I go near her. She smells good. Hmmmm...what could it be? It is jasmine.
"Do you know that you smell like jasmine?"
"Really?"
"Yes."
She is on her back and I ask, "How can a beauty like you ever love me?"
"I don't know."
I ask, "What do you want tonight? Veg or non-veg?"
She gushes. "Veg...only...always."
I sulk.
"Can we try only once, non-veg?"
"No!"
"Okay. Let's have it this way. You take veg and I will have non-veg."
"No way."
"Do you know that you are stubborn?" I ask
"Cheee...bad boy. I can never allow non-veg."
"But it's me...your lawfully wedded husband."
"I said, 'No!'"
I know that it is pointless to try any further.

"Okay. Let's have veg." I say "Where do you want me to start? Ears, mouth, eyes, neck...?"
"Your wish." she says, "I'm yours...almost."
"In that case, I will start with your mouth. I will close it so you won't say 'no' anymore."
I put my lips on hers.
Taking a mouthful, or more precisely a lipful, I say, "Your lips are so clean and reddish."
She doesn't say anything.
I roll back and look at the ceiling. I say, "Acchu..."
"Tell me..."
"Can I ask something?"
"What?"
"Why do you only like me?"
She is silent.
"Why do you like me and not love me?"
I look at her face. She doesn't look back at me. Her face has turned serious.
"We needn't have married. We needn't have gotten into the relationship in the first place."
She is nervous. She gets up to go.
I say, "Stop!"
She stops but turns her face the other side.
"How long can I put up with you?" I say, "I'm never enough for you. Come on...say something. Atleast say, 'I have to say "yes".' I didn't lie to you when I said that I wanted to be with you even if it meant only over the phone. You are all that I ever wanted. If only you were actually with me now. Look at me now. A wretched man not knowing the real from the imaginary. If only you had told me that you are just reflecting my affection and that you had no feelings for me on your own. I wouldn't have persisted on you. Sure, I would have been a wretch for a couple of years but I would have never been lost. Did you say that you love me because it was done in the movies and the books? My heart bleeds in self-pity. This is not the life that I ever expected. I'm not angry with you. I'm sad that you weren't a little more honest. I have no one. I don't have you. I don't have my parents. I don't know why I'm still living. Can you do me a favour?"
She asks, "What?"
"Can you allow non-veg?"

If you can't stand the heat...

Global Warming

...harness it, silly.

Only earthlings will complain about the inexhaustible energy from the Sun (yeah, I know the Sun is running out of gasss, but seriously do you care what happens after billions of years?). What's needed is making things run harmoniously (yeah, I know this too that it's easy for a jerk like me to say than actually do it).

Hit, miss and get lost

You can hit me. But it will be a miss or something which scratches me or stuns me for a moment. Then you are lost.

I don't offer gambits. That doesn't mean that I'm a pacifist. Vishwaksenar does the needful.

There is only one who can and will kill me. It is Shri Krishna. I will die by His hands and hopefully, in His hands.

No one, which includes Shri Krishna, can win me except by losing to me. You cannot fake it.

I may sound psychotic but I will never get mad. Do yourself the favour of not going mad by not trying to bother me.

Even if you have screwed me royally, I will forgive you if you mean something like "I'm sorry."