I wish I could write frankly now. Yeah the warm milk that I drank just now has brought a tranquilizing effect on my brain.
I had dinner with my sister at a restaurant. We had some good talks and as expected it touched slightly on things we disagree on. We are both the nemesis of each other, not only because we have fought from childhood from sibling rivalry but because she is a lot different from me. The tragic-comedy is that you might be like my sister in your personal, professional life etc. and liking me and/or my posts here while another might be like me in my personal, professional life etc. but disliking me and/or posts here. Also, while at a first glance, my father's trait seems to be dominant in her and my mother's in me, it's not so when one looks under the layer. I have inherited more of the spirituality from my father's line while she has got the tenderness from my mother. I have said 'father's line' and not father because spirituality largely skipped him though he came from an orthodox family. My father was very practical and he went to work at 18 years who was one of the responsible sons that supported the family when my grand-father wasted away the family money. My father was more of a father to his younger sisters and well-respected than my grand-father. My mother, like my father, was one of the most respected members of the family because she didn't complain much about her woes but helped in whatever capacity. My relatives like me more because of my parents than my own self. Atleast when I was a child, I could say that I had some innocent charm but now some of my relatives talk well to me only because of my parents. Okay...it's not all my fault, anyway and when I grew up and saw the real face of some relatives, the games people play, I lost respect for them as well. But I also remember their better faces as a child when life was all good. In this life, there is no friend or enemy. I'm not your friend or enemy and neither are you mine. There is a friend who resides at the bottom of the hearts of everyone. Such a friend is the one when, for example, gives an understanding nod when there was every reason to misunderstand when people are all having their own problems. It might go away as soon as it had appeared. People really don't annihilate each other for this reason and the memory of such an event only. That is why I do not really like or dislike anyone.
I don't have complaints also about people, including myself, falling short of expectations like the way it is promised to be when you are growing up or when you read books or watch movies. It is one reason I'm not interested in romance as well. People all grow up with different life scripts...one might want her boy friend like in the Titanic and another might want his girl friend like in the Romeo & Juliet. The girl expects the boy to die like in the Titanic while the boy expects both of them to die like in Romeo & Juliet...lol. People also get to like or dislike someone based on the resemblances to those who were already kind or cruel in their lives. A girl might not be considered attractive by the majority of boys but she might look like a boy's mother who has been taking care of him all along. I guess this is a part of Oedipus or Electra Complex. There is nothing wrong in this as long as in the future, there develops a reverse-Oedipus or reverse-Electra Complex i.e. when one starts liking the mother or father sexually because one likes the girl friend or boy friend and one loses a sense of discrimination between a parent and a lover i.e. parental love and romantic love. I don't know if really there is a term like 'reverse' in the present psychology though it's very real , kind of like the reverse swing in cricket. Anyway, the problem will not be there if the chosen one was really as kind as the mother or the aunt or the father or the uncle or the next-door neighbour. The problem comes because such 'love at first sight' brings in a whole lot of unexpected personality surprises from misperception. For example, let me take my own case since I know it best...my ex-gf looked a lot like my other, looked like a heroine I liked, looked like my aunt who married my uncle in a love marriage etc. While my ex gf did have many things that these people had, she lacked the vital ones which were indispensable for the success of our relationship. For example, she didn't have the tenderness of my mother or the importance of romantic love as in the heroine or the passion of my aunt. These are not any character flaws in her. She was simply different from the one I had thought I had got into the relationship with. And I was also not the one she thought she had got into a relationship with. In my 12th standard, I acted like a big educated scholar when I was in reality not so. I was simply trying to impress her, maybe I even thought I was a scholar back then or maybe I even wanted to put on the image so that I can get myself to study better since my future career was going to be decided then or maybe I simply liked the adulation of the class. But this is the image she got. She also was really not much into romance but was very much a family oriented-girl. This can be gauged from the fact that she didn't walk away from her parents or brother when I was willing to do anything for her. It was not like I didn't love my parents. Maybe, the extra importance I gave to her came from the lesser I gave to my sister. So, it's a matter of different priorities decided by everyone's stupid perceptions of the other based on an illusory world. It's very pathetic. That is why the thought of romantic love with a girl has all but gone in me. I will ofcourse marry because I would have to fit into the society and also because marriage is the license to prostitution.
Mouna Ragam is a classy movie. But look at what's happened to the characters in the movie. All but the director Mani Ratinam have gone weird. The producer, a father of my childhood friend, committed suicide due to financial difficulties, Revathy applied for a divorce in real life as in the movie but unlike in the movie, she is not living with her husband Suresh Menon, Karthik got into all sorts of financial difficulties and went out of the market, Mohan disappeared from the movie circle with a false rumour that he got Aids and tried an unsuccessful return back to the screen and Ilayaraja's wife it seems ran away with another. Mani Ratinam did some great movies afterward but soon his quality has degraded to the extent of wondering about his senility making a movie like Raavan.
All these are sick people from whom a million dollars can be made by both Hollywood and the Pharmaceutical companies. Any idea of the reason behind it?
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