By the way, I might take up the job of a residential manager of SCARF.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Not writing the '5 things' blog.
By the way, I might take up the job of a residential manager of SCARF.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Another day in VTC
At the VTC today, I saw a girl who looked like my ex in the library. I had seen her a couple of times back but every time couldn't get a clear sight. I cannot be staring at a girl, and that too there. I wondered if maybe my ex had come there for some treatment like me. Very unlikely but still I wanted to make sure that it wasn't her. So I went back and while she wasn't there, an intern I knew was there and I asked what her name was. She said that she didn't know the name exactly and then said Neena. I didn't think much about it.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Who the f.ck is Mariam?
The voice through the phone was nice though. Only, half way through while enquiring if it was not a wrong call, she forgot me and started talking to herself. I wonder if someone from the old forum is trying to initiate a contact. Except for the guy I noticed browsing the Pravda forum at the cafe, I have had just fleeting glimpses. My problem is...with all things Pravda, it takes time for me to realize what's happening and before that, the event already becomes a past experience.
If anyone really wants to contact me, I have no problem if he or she simply comes across and tells me he or she is from Pravda.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Taking refuge under an equal at the end of the journey
When people get sick, they go to the doctor. Where will the doctor go when he or she gets sick?
The doctor can self-medicate. But what if the sickness is not in his or her domain? Even if it is in his or her domain, suppose it requires a surgery to be performed. It's difficult or impossible to do it on himself or herself.
The best alternative is to get under the care of another competent doctor one can trust. Who knows. The other doctor may come back when he or she has a sickness.
The doctor can self-medicate. But what if the sickness is not in his or her domain? Even if it is in his or her domain, suppose it requires a surgery to be performed. It's difficult or impossible to do it on himself or herself.
The best alternative is to get under the care of another competent doctor one can trust. Who knows. The other doctor may come back when he or she has a sickness.
I have received the grace of God
I have become a Jivanmuktha (liberated while yet living).
What???!!!
Yes.
What???!!!
Yes.
Friday, May 13, 2011
blrrrb....
My head is slightly aching. It's not exactly a pain but a small heaviness that has come from sinking deeper and deeper into the recesses of my mind.
Sometimes my mind has a black out. In my brain, there is an area that is blind. It has come from the shock of not able to understand the rejection.
What can I say? Okay...I will speak from my heart as much as I can.
I do not think that I'm a special case. I know that the joys, sadness, fears, challenges, victories, defeats etc. I face are faced by everyone. It's difficult for me to write itself because I feel crippled. If you ask me what I want, I will say that I want to be carried happily by life.
Things can get only better.
I'm taking break at the park to be detached atleast some time from the world.
I go to counseling to have mental health. Gita asks one to go to a wise one, pay respects, ask questions and do service. The respect I give is a 'good afternoon' wish on meeting him. As Jiddu Krishnamoorthy said, it's not enough to forget the issues. Each drawer and cupboard in the mind has to be opened and examined to be rid of the skeletons in it. A Guru is like the torchlight to burst the scary skeletons. My service is in the form of paying the fees.
I read 1 chapter of the Sundara Kandam from Ramayana to have emotional well-being. There are many interpretations of the supposed benefits of it. one is that the return of Sita back to Rama is likened to the return of the soul to God. There is one more reason. To love everyone, it's enough if one starts with loving a single one.
I volunteer daily for 1 hour on some online job after saying 'Krishna Unakke Preethi'. Doing any karma (action) gives a phalam (fruit) and a vasana (scent). If one got only the fruit for teh action, one will be have to perpetually put effort to get the needs satisfied. The scent makes the effort become effortless progressively. This is a way to get into the habit of doing things where the benefits reach the deserving ones.
I listen to the Vishnu Sahasranama to change my consciousness for the better. The names are like seeds dropped on the ground. While the present circumstances might not be strong enough to bring it to manifestation, if the seeds are watered repeatedly, someday when there is an environment conducive to germination, it will definitely manifest in the consciousness as the reality.
I say the Dvayam mantra (trying not to repeat it again and again) to merge into God. It's like a fish jumping back into the ocean. It can be the most frightening and the most exciting. It means not thinking about life but living. It's the Praveshum stage of the triad of Jnaatum, Drashtum and Praveshum. For example, a non-American might know a lot of things about America from books and be wanting to go there. Till he or she is there on the flight, it is the Jnaatum stage. When he or she gets down into the airport lounge, he or she can already see a lot of American way of life. This is the Drashtum stage. When he or she finally walks out into the country, he or she can experience the country. This is the Praveshum stage. It's the same way with life.
BTW, I don't think I have Schizophrenia. It looks like Bipolar Disorder with accompanying Paranoid Psychosis to me. Atleast that's what I beleive my medicine is for.
Sometimes my mind has a black out. In my brain, there is an area that is blind. It has come from the shock of not able to understand the rejection.
What can I say? Okay...I will speak from my heart as much as I can.
I do not think that I'm a special case. I know that the joys, sadness, fears, challenges, victories, defeats etc. I face are faced by everyone. It's difficult for me to write itself because I feel crippled. If you ask me what I want, I will say that I want to be carried happily by life.
Things can get only better.
I'm taking break at the park to be detached atleast some time from the world.
I go to counseling to have mental health. Gita asks one to go to a wise one, pay respects, ask questions and do service. The respect I give is a 'good afternoon' wish on meeting him. As Jiddu Krishnamoorthy said, it's not enough to forget the issues. Each drawer and cupboard in the mind has to be opened and examined to be rid of the skeletons in it. A Guru is like the torchlight to burst the scary skeletons. My service is in the form of paying the fees.
I read 1 chapter of the Sundara Kandam from Ramayana to have emotional well-being. There are many interpretations of the supposed benefits of it. one is that the return of Sita back to Rama is likened to the return of the soul to God. There is one more reason. To love everyone, it's enough if one starts with loving a single one.
I volunteer daily for 1 hour on some online job after saying 'Krishna Unakke Preethi'. Doing any karma (action) gives a phalam (fruit) and a vasana (scent). If one got only the fruit for teh action, one will be have to perpetually put effort to get the needs satisfied. The scent makes the effort become effortless progressively. This is a way to get into the habit of doing things where the benefits reach the deserving ones.
I listen to the Vishnu Sahasranama to change my consciousness for the better. The names are like seeds dropped on the ground. While the present circumstances might not be strong enough to bring it to manifestation, if the seeds are watered repeatedly, someday when there is an environment conducive to germination, it will definitely manifest in the consciousness as the reality.
I say the Dvayam mantra (trying not to repeat it again and again) to merge into God. It's like a fish jumping back into the ocean. It can be the most frightening and the most exciting. It means not thinking about life but living. It's the Praveshum stage of the triad of Jnaatum, Drashtum and Praveshum. For example, a non-American might know a lot of things about America from books and be wanting to go there. Till he or she is there on the flight, it is the Jnaatum stage. When he or she gets down into the airport lounge, he or she can already see a lot of American way of life. This is the Drashtum stage. When he or she finally walks out into the country, he or she can experience the country. This is the Praveshum stage. It's the same way with life.
BTW, I don't think I have Schizophrenia. It looks like Bipolar Disorder with accompanying Paranoid Psychosis to me. Atleast that's what I beleive my medicine is for.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Torture doesn't help in this age
I don't read news paper much, except the headlines and whatever catches my eye. A couple of days back I read a news paper article on the recent Osama killing. There it was suggested that a guy was supposd to have been waterboarded 183 times before giving a piece of information. It was also said that the authorization of usage of torture by Bush can be justified now.
There is a maverick villian turned hero called Sathyaraj in Tamil movies. He revolutionized the image of villians. Before his time, villians used to grimace their face, make grunting noise, be dressed in some weird attire etc. When he came as villian, he told punch lines with a smiling face before killing the good guys. And he explained in an interview something like, 'What is the point in making all those grimaces if all it takes is one bullet?"
I'm not saying that one should be a smart vilian.What can be achieved by torture can be achieved by dismantling. It just requires a little discrete thinking, like choosing the dish that is both healthy and nice to eat.
I walked out on a job that seemed to be designed for me because I thought it was going to be used for a dual purpose like this. Perhaps I then walked out of my love life too.
As the overall consciousness of the human beings evolve into one, it is better to leave out techniques that no more match it.
There is a maverick villian turned hero called Sathyaraj in Tamil movies. He revolutionized the image of villians. Before his time, villians used to grimace their face, make grunting noise, be dressed in some weird attire etc. When he came as villian, he told punch lines with a smiling face before killing the good guys. And he explained in an interview something like, 'What is the point in making all those grimaces if all it takes is one bullet?"
I'm not saying that one should be a smart vilian.What can be achieved by torture can be achieved by dismantling. It just requires a little discrete thinking, like choosing the dish that is both healthy and nice to eat.
I walked out on a job that seemed to be designed for me because I thought it was going to be used for a dual purpose like this. Perhaps I then walked out of my love life too.
As the overall consciousness of the human beings evolve into one, it is better to leave out techniques that no more match it.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Taking Vocational Training
I'm going these days to a Schizophrenic institution that gives free vocation training. I get free consultation as well.
I have not worked for 15 years and so my body needs to get re-adjusted to work properly under pressure in the corporate world. In 3 - 6 months, I think I will be fit enough. They have got an employment bureau there as well where they arrange jobs for those with schizophrenia. Going through them has the advantage that my employer will understand my background but I think the pay will less, even a web developer job. Anyway, I'm just going there like a kindergarten kid.
I don't know if I have Schizophrenia. My doctor doesn't give me that label. I do tell myself that Krishna talks to me. I don't know if this makes me one. It can simply be my wish to talk to my conscience or unconscious or a higher power. There are even meditations that are considered normal which have such auto-suggestions. Most likely, I have some sort of psychotic bi-polar disorder. Anyway, I'm very peaceful now.
I have not worked for 15 years and so my body needs to get re-adjusted to work properly under pressure in the corporate world. In 3 - 6 months, I think I will be fit enough. They have got an employment bureau there as well where they arrange jobs for those with schizophrenia. Going through them has the advantage that my employer will understand my background but I think the pay will less, even a web developer job. Anyway, I'm just going there like a kindergarten kid.
I don't know if I have Schizophrenia. My doctor doesn't give me that label. I do tell myself that Krishna talks to me. I don't know if this makes me one. It can simply be my wish to talk to my conscience or unconscious or a higher power. There are even meditations that are considered normal which have such auto-suggestions. Most likely, I have some sort of psychotic bi-polar disorder. Anyway, I'm very peaceful now.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Life
Sometimes life can be terrible. It can scare one towards the end of despair. At the same time, life can be securely pleasant. Sometimes, there is just a thin line separating them.
Everything starts with security. And security starts with an anchor. An anchor is something like a home which doesn't change and to which one can always return to whenever one wants to. Finding it can be easy or difficult. Once found, accepting it can be again easy or difficult. It requires both the brain and the heart to find and accept the anchor.
I have found some sort of anchor for myself. So I'm shaking only 5% in my legs. :D
There is nothing wrong in being afraid. There is one story in the Asterix comics (Asterix and the Nordsmen, I think), where the Nordsmen don't know what fear is until they meet the Gauls. Getafix, the druid, tells in the end that it is not absense of fear that is courage but overcoming fear is courage.
Everything starts with security. And security starts with an anchor. An anchor is something like a home which doesn't change and to which one can always return to whenever one wants to. Finding it can be easy or difficult. Once found, accepting it can be again easy or difficult. It requires both the brain and the heart to find and accept the anchor.
I have found some sort of anchor for myself. So I'm shaking only 5% in my legs. :D
There is nothing wrong in being afraid. There is one story in the Asterix comics (Asterix and the Nordsmen, I think), where the Nordsmen don't know what fear is until they meet the Gauls. Getafix, the druid, tells in the end that it is not absense of fear that is courage but overcoming fear is courage.
It's important never to lose one's perspective in life. As Rajini sings in Dharma Durai, எண்ணம் மட்டுà®®் சேà®°்ந்திà®°ுந்தால், இன்à®±ுà®®் என்à®±ுà®®் சோகமிள்ளே (if only the thinking is integral, there is no sadness today or any day.)
Good night. Don't die tripping down on the staircase. :)
Monday, May 2, 2011
War is not always the answer
It is my view that NATO is weilding power far beyond it's sphere of influence. If the people of Libya have any problem, it is for the UN General Assembly to send some Peace Keeping force...not let an organisation affiliated to some Security Council member states to intervene. By doing this, NATO has absolved of all rights against terror attacks. Maybe, NATO has to be dismembered.
Today, it's said that the US killed Osama. I don't buy any of it. As far as I know, the pics have been there long before today. I guess the validity of American reports can be gauged from the way the WMD were found in Iraq. It is imperative that India doesn't get hyped or raise the pitch over the issue with Pakistan.
Wars have to stop somewhere, sometime...atleast the ones started by someone or a bunch of people. Otherwise, it will consume the ones who fight it, even righteously. Look at Sri Lanka. What started as decades old war against the LTTE has made them so used to war that even after Prabhakaran died, President Rajapaksha and military guy Fonseka has started fighting over who should emerge as the winner. They are already fighting the next war amongt themselves just as the UN is sanctioning an investigation into their atrocities against the Tamils.
If there is any war that has to be fought, it is against the software tycoons coming around as CEOs of big software and cell phone companies, who are aiding all the military and terrorist machinery. These need to be hanged by the balls (to borrow Putin's language).
Today, it's said that the US killed Osama. I don't buy any of it. As far as I know, the pics have been there long before today. I guess the validity of American reports can be gauged from the way the WMD were found in Iraq. It is imperative that India doesn't get hyped or raise the pitch over the issue with Pakistan.
Wars have to stop somewhere, sometime...atleast the ones started by someone or a bunch of people. Otherwise, it will consume the ones who fight it, even righteously. Look at Sri Lanka. What started as decades old war against the LTTE has made them so used to war that even after Prabhakaran died, President Rajapaksha and military guy Fonseka has started fighting over who should emerge as the winner. They are already fighting the next war amongt themselves just as the UN is sanctioning an investigation into their atrocities against the Tamils.
If there is any war that has to be fought, it is against the software tycoons coming around as CEOs of big software and cell phone companies, who are aiding all the military and terrorist machinery. These need to be hanged by the balls (to borrow Putin's language).
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